Jump to content


Photo

My attempt at a high school comedy


  • Please log in to reply
17 replies to this topic

#1 Undercooked Sausage

Undercooked Sausage

    Golden God

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 13801 posts

Posted 12 September 2007 - 11:10 PM

i have been drinking and i was digging through my old stuff and found a school assignment from last semester of a half hour tv sitcom treatment i did for class. i figured maybe someone would enjoy it because i named the school bully after a sombie anyway, enjoy Dan Butler COMS 355 SECTION 3 TEEN ANGST FADE IN. 1. KEITH'S HOUSE - 9 AM KEITH is laying on the bed in a crumpled fashion. The camera PANS around the room to reveal a typical teenage room, complete with dirty clothing and rancid food being eaten by rodents on the floor. THE REPLACEMENTS - TREATMENT BOUND is playing faintly in the background as the camera reveals Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, and a poster of KISS on the moon fighting space aliens. The camera finally focuses in on the alarm clock next to Keith's bed, and the music FADES when we hear the alarm RING. A hand comes slamming down onto the alarm top, but it doesn't stop ringing. Frustrated, Keith's hand comes smashing down on the alarm repeatedly, but it continues ringing. The camera CUTS to a shot from the door of the room showing Keith sitting up out of bed and grabbing the alarm clock, opening up the window behind him, and tossing it out the window. A few moments pass when we suddenly hear a guttural and demonic roar. (SFX: LION ROAR) presumingly coming from whoever had the alarm clock land on his head. Keith tries to stumble out of his room and walks sleepily into his own door. THE MINUTEMEN - #1 HIT SONG begins playing. KEITH (Sleepily but irritated) Turd! Keith rubs his head and then opens the door and steps out into the hallway, we see the bathroom across the hall with his sister KIM brushing her teeth. The camera CUTS to a shot of Kim with Keith in the background in the door frame. Kim stops brushing her teeth momentarily. KIM Let me guess, need a ride to school? KEITH Yeah, thanks, I owe you. Keith walks out of door frame and KIM goes back to brushing her teeth. we now CUT to to a WS of Keith coming down the stairs of his house to the living room and dining area, where we see his DAD sitting at the kitchen table reading a newspaper. Keith's MOM is in the kitchen making breakfast. MOM There's my stinky baby! DAD Hey there, screw-up! Why aren't you at school yet? (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 2. KEITH(vo) This is my dad, he fought in Vietnam, it was a pretty rough few years for him. He's told me a lot of stories, I'm not sure which ones are true and which ones he embellishes on. He told me he lost his eye when he took a bullet for Jimmy Carter, but my mom swears that he actually lost it while trying to eat a potato chip with a fork and knife. Either way, this has given me a reason to always be afraid of my dad. Dad glares menacingly at Keith, the intensity of his stare being able to cut through a mountain. KEITH I overslept, sir. DAD Well, whatever, get to class, and make me a grandchild! Dad goes back to reading his paper. MOM Keith, honey? Would you like any breakfast this morning? KEITH That's alright Mom, I should really get going to school. MOM All right, but shouldn't you put pants on first? Keith looks down and realizes he is still wearing his underpants. KEITH Oh, right. DISS. TO: INT. KIM'S CAR - 9:15 AM we have a WS of Kim and Keith facing the camera. Kim is driving and Keith is in the passenger seat. We faintly hear DEPECHE MODE - BEHIND THE WHEEL in the background of this scene. KIM So how many days in a row has it been where you've missed the bus and relied on me to drive you to class? (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 3. KEITH I don't know, I lost track in kindergarten. KIM (agitated) Why don't you ever think of your big sister? If you just set your alarm earlier I wouldn't have to do this everyday. KEITH (sarcastically) Yeah, but then when would we ever spend time together? KIM That's not the point, Keith. The point is that you can't continue to go through life expecting everything to happen for you automatically. You might grow up fat, lazy, and alone, and maybe even bald! KEITH What, you mean just like you? CUT TO: 3. EXT. ROAD TO SCHOOL - 9:25 AM. We see Kim's car drive and then suddenly the passenger door swing open, Keith is seemingly shoved out of the car with extreme force. Keith tumbles onto the side of the road where he then gets run over by a MAN ON BIKE and then trampled by OBESE MAN. KEITH Ow, my skin! Keith gets up and dusts himself off and begins walking to class. along the way he is pelted with eggs by OBNOXIOUS CHILD and a bowling ball falls from the sky and nearly hits him on the head for seemingly no reason at all, but narrowly misses him. KEITH (scoffing) Ha, is that the best you can do, Lord? You're not going to ruin my morning this time, no sirree! WIPE TO: 4. EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - 10:10 AM. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 4. Keith is walking and nearly at the door of the school when the camera PANS over and shows us YANCY, the school bully. He is accompanied by THUG #1, THUG #2, and THUG #3. Yancy is sporting an obnoxious grin and is smoking a cigarette. YANCY Hey there, slugger, looks like you're a little late for your ballet class! KEITH(vo) That's Yancy. He's 28 years old but he's still in high school. He's been antagonizing me my entire life and I'm pretty sure he was only placed on Earth so he can make my life a living hell. Keith tries to walk past Yancy but he is stopped by his thugs. THUG #1 Where do you think you're going, fart knocker? KEITH Uh..your mom? Thug #1's eyes bulge out of his sockets, it is quite apparent that Keith has made a terrible mistake. THUG #1 Kid's got quite a lip on him today, boss. YANCY You're right, maybe we haven't been beating him hard enough. KEITH ...Or maybe you've been beating me so hard that I've gone crazy!? Yancy's demeanor switches from random aggression to a sudden look of puzzlement. YANCY Whoa, he's right. Come to think of it, I have been savagely beating you ever since you started coming here. That would drive anyone crazy. THUG #2 Yeah, remember that time we blew up his car? THUG #3 Or that time we switched the contents of his lunch box with pure, uncut cocaine during the school picnic? (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 5. THUG #1 Or how about that time... While the thugs reminisce about past schemes to foil Keith's life. Keith is slowly making his way past them. THUG #2 Hey where is he going? THUG #3 That bastard! He tricked us! Us! The baddest kids in school! and therefore, the smartest! YANCY It's all right, we'll get him later. FADE TO: 5. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - 10:15 AM WS of Keith walking down hallway, fairly pleased with evading his enemies. His strut is abruptly cut by suddenly bumping into Yancy and his thugs, who have seemingly magically teleported in front of him. YANCY Nice try, poindexter. KEITH Aw, crap! The thugs get behind Keith and pick him up. Yancy begins taking swings at Keith's stomach(SFX: PUNCHING), and then gets behind Keith and lifts his underwear out his pants like a wedgie, but with such force that the banding breaks and the underpants are ripped off. He places the wrecked undies on Keith's head. YANCY You're going to wear these on your head for the rest of the day or tomorrow I'm going to eat your entire family! THUG #1 That's right! The thugs and Yancy all high five each other and then start to walk off, Yancy quickly runs back as if he forgot something, he reaches into Keith's pants and takes his wallet, then runs off to join the rest of his gang. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 6. KEITH Hmm, they hadn't done that before. Keith rubs his head. A hand is outstretched, Keith takes it without hesitation, we see Keith's friend CARLOS helping him up. CARLOS Bullies again, Keith? KEITH Yeah, at least they didn't take my wallet this time. Keith reaches into his back pocket in an attempt to verify his claim, he comes up with nothing and appears extremely dejected. KEITH Nevermind. CARLOS Forget about them, c'mon, you're... We suddenly see SUMNER, the assistant principal, approach the two friends. SUMNER ...Late! Sumner picks both Keith and Carlos up by the ear and drags them over to a alcove in the hallway. SUMNER Late again, Keith? And Carlos, I'm surprised at you! CARLOS Sorry, chief. SUMNER Keith, I expect you in detention after school. Now hurry and get to class. Keith gives a look of astonishment. KEITH Wait, what about Carlos!? He was late too!! SUMNER That's true, but, well to tell you the truth, I just like Carlos more than you. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 7. CARLOS Thanks bro! SUMNER Yo, up top. Sumner's intense demeanor remains unchanged as he high fives Carlos. SUMNER All right, boys, get to class. Sumner spots a paper airplane being thrown in the hall and is distracted and goes to find the source of it, in a subtle homage to Back To The Future. Keith and Carlos walk together in a TRACKING shot down the hall and talk. KEITH You know, it's really annoying how Sumner treats me like crap all the time and he lets you get away with everything. CARLOS Well, I am his son, you know, it's just the way the cookie crumbles. KEITH Yeah, I think I just got left with crumbs. What are you doing after class? CARLOS I don't know, probably something cool like having sex with girls or hanging out with popular kids and drinking. You? KEITH Well, after I get out of detention, I'm thinking of asking Rebecca out. CARLOS You're finally going to do it? No way, where did the sudden boost of self-confidence come from? Keith stumbles a bit, it is apparent that Keith is extremely uncoordinated even handling a simple task of walking down the hall. KEITH I don't know, she's just been on my mind lately, I mean, even all the crap that happened today, it doesn't really bother me as long as I'm thinking about her. CARLOS Have you two ever even talked? She's just a girl in your math class. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 8. KEITH She asked to borrow a pencil from me once, but I didn't have an extra, so I just gave her the one I was using, then the teacher gave us a test and I failed because I couldn't write anything. CARLOS A lesson was learned that day. KEITH Anyway, if I don't do it soon, I'll never forgive myself, I think she tried out for the school play just like I did, maybe I can ask her at practice. CARLOS I think maybe the stench of your stinky underwear on your head is affecting your brain. KEITH Huh? Oh... Keith realizes that his underwear is still on his head. He looks as if he is about to remove it but he remembers Yancy's words. YANCY(vo) You're going to wear these on your head for the rest of the day or tomorrow I'm going to eat your entire family! Keith then forgets about taking the underpants off and continues walking. CARLOS Well, here's my class, catch you later. Carlos darts into a classroom while Keith continues walking. CUT TO: 6. INT. KEITH'S MATH CLASS - 10:30 AM Keith rushes into class. We see a POV shot from Keith as the camera pans around the room to show everyone staring at him coming in a half hour late. There are a few snickers amongst his peers as he takes his seat near the back of the room. We are introduced to REBECCA, the object of Keith's affection, sitting near the front of the class and being among the people giggling at Keith. Keith sits down and twiddles his thumbs for a second before realizing where he is and then reaches into his backpack and takes his notebook and math book out. He begins writing diligently in his notebook but after a few seconds, pauses, and then looks over at Rebecca. Once again we go to a POV shot of Keith staring at Rebecca, then the camera CUTs to a MS of Keith's head with a dreamy expression on his face. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 9. KEITH(vo) I have to figure out a way to ask her out, but how? I'm in way over my head on this one. MRS. DINGLEBERRY, the teacher, notices Keith not paying attention in class and throws an apple at him. (SFX: BONK) KEITH Oh barf! my head! DINGLEBERRY Keith! Pay attention, and take off that hat! KEITH I can't take it off! DINGLEBERRY You little wise ass! I want you out of my classroom! Go! Go! Go! Keith looks around, and then picks up his things, and leaves the classroom. We see Rebecca once again giggle at him as he attempts to walk out the door, Keith accidentally slams into it as he catches Rebecca's stare. The class once against snickers. Keith then opens the door and walks out. END OF ACT ONE ACT TWO: 7. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - 10:55 AM We see Keith sitting outside in the hall doodling in his notebook, the camera reveals that he is drawing pictures of Rebecca in the notebook, we then hear the bell for lunch(SFX: RING). A torrent of kids come out of the classrooms rushing like flies to fresh meat. The hallways are literally packed to the brim, some people are crowd surfing their way to the cafeteria. After the dust settles, we see four trampled bodies and Carlos walking towards Keith. CARLOS You okay, champ? KEITH Yeah, I guess, the underwear got me in trouble though. CARLOS Ah, don't worry about it, c'mon, let's go grab some lunch. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 10. CUT TO: 8. INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA - 11:00 AM Keith and Carlos are sitting alone in the cafeteria while the rest of the school is eating at other tables, the room is overcrowded to say the least. There is food being thrown everywhere, and a large amount of it is falling onto Keith's head. CARLOS God, high school lunch, now I know what hell is really like. Just then the Camera CUTS to two nurses helping a BOY onto a stretcher, the camera PANs and follows them out. The rest of the room doesn't seem to notice, and seem to react as if this is a daily occurrence. KEITH Looks like they're about as rough as usual. How are you, Carlos? Anythi... KEITH is cut off as suddenly a hand is placed on his shoulder. (MUSIC: STING) KEITH Uh oh. SUMNER Keith! Sumner smiles. SUMNER Hi, Carlos. KEITH Hi, Pop. SUMNER Keith, you know the rules, no hats allowed during school. KEITH This isn't a hat, Mr. Sumner. SUMNER Don't play dumb with me! Take it off, right now! KEITH All right, I will. Gosh. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 11 Just then the Camera quickly PANs over to Yancy's table, he suddenly turns around as if he heard the conversation through the din of noise coming from the room. He makes eye contact with Keith and shakes his fist at him. YANCY(vo) I'm going to eat your family! Camera ZOOMs in closer to Yancy's face. YANCY(vo) ...Eat your family! Eat your family! Eat your family! Camera CUTs back to Keith. KEITH I'm sorry, I can't take it off. SUMNER Your call, Keith, I'll see you in detention then today. KEITH I already have detention today, sir. SUMNER Yes, very good. Sumner walks off. CARLOS Man, did you break a mirror or something, your luck seems pretty bad today. KEITH Maybe it's just a phase. Just then MIKE TYSON tears through the wall of the cafeteria, punching through the bricks. (SFX: SCREAMS) People begin to panic. Mike Tyson starts picking up tables and breaking them. MIKE TYSON (shouting) I am drunk and cranky! Mike Tyson catches sight of Keith and starts running towards him, Keith realizes his dire situation and gets up and starts running for his life, an elaborate chase scene soon follows, with Keith running around the cafeteria and tossing chairs and tables in Tyson's path, but Tyson just eats everything or destroys it. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 12 KEITH Have an earful of this! Keith picks up a Twinkie he finds on the floor and inserts a funnel into it, he then finds a can of Red Bull and pours the contents of the can into the funnel and into the Twinkie. The Twinkie begins glowing. Keith chucks the Twinkie at Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson leaps into the air and catches it in his mouth. a moment later, Tyson comes to a stop as his tummy begins rumbling. The camera ZOOMs in on Tyson's face which is in a panic. Tyson begins bloating up at a quick rate, soon about four times as big as he usually is, The camera CUTs to Keith running away from Tyson, towards the camera in slow motion. Mike Tyson then explodes(SFX: EXPLOSION) as Keith jumps into the camera. There is smoke everywhere, but finally the dust settles and people go back to eating lunch, Keith brushes himself off and sits back down at his table. KEITH Yeah, I don't really understand my luck lately CARLOS Well, here's hoping things get better. The lunch bell rings(SFX: RING). CARLOS Guess it's time to get back to class. Catch ya later amigo. KEITH Yeah. Keith and Carlos start walking, just then a SKELETON emerges from the rubble, seemingly Mike Tyson's. The skeleton points at Keith, and then makes a beckoning motion. KEITH It just never ends! Keith leaps towards the skeleton. CUT TO: 9. INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - 12:00 PM Keith is walking down the hall, at first we only see his front side but the camera PANs around so we see several scratch marks in his back along with most of his shirt being tattered in the back as well. Keith continues walking until he spots a piece of paper. KEITH Whoa, it's the casting for the school play! (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 13 Keith begins looking over the list, reading out loud to himself. KEITH Holy crap, they casted me as the lead! I get to play Rocky Balboa! Keith studies it further. KEITH Oh my gosh! And Rebecca is Adrian! This is perfect. Thank you God! USA! USA! KEITH begins pumping his fist in jubilation, and continues walking to class. CUT TO: 10. KEITH'S CLASSROOM - 12:05 PM Camera zooms in on Keith sleeping in class. DISSOLVE TO: 11. AUDITORIUM - EVENING Keith is dressed in character as Rocky Balboa, KEITH (Sly Stallone impersonation) What about my prime, Mick!? At least you had a prime! Camera PANs over to the AUDIENCE in which we see Yancy and his goons a part of. Yancy and his goons are all wearing diapers and stink lines are emanating off of them. YANCY You suck, Keith! Camera PANs back to Keith, Keith morphs into a bear and leaps into the audience and begins attacking Yancy. YANCY Ow, my spine! KEITH ROAR! (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 14 DISSOLVE TO: 12. KEITH'S CLASSROOM - 2:25 PM Keith is sitting with a content expression on his face, and hears the bell ring(SFX: RING). Keith realizes he's spent the entire rest of the day at school daydreaming. He packs up his things and starts to leave the classroom, still with the underwear on top of his head. He realizes the day is over, and takes it off. Immediately as he does, Yancy slides into view and we hear a STING. YANCY Hey, where are your underpants? KEITH The school day's over, Yancy! I can take them off my head now. YANCY Is that what I said? Oh, sorry. Yancy walks off, Keith breathes a sigh of relief and begins walking towards the door. Then, seemingly out of nowhere. Yancy falls from the sky and lands on him and begins pummeling him. He finally gets up from on top of Keith and brushes himself off and walks off. Keith gets up a moment later, bruised and beaten, with his underpants once again on top of his head. Keith starts stumbling down the hall when he spots Rebecca at her desk. Seeing this as his one big chance, Keith takes a deep breath and starts walking towards her. KEITH (extremely tense) Hello! REBECCA (cheerful) Oh, hi Keith! How are you? KEITH (in monotone) Fine, thank you. REBECCA That was so funny in class today, wearing your underwear on your head, I was laughing about it all day. How did you come up with something so funny? KEITH(vo) She thought it was funny! Way to go! Now all you have to do is be eloquent in your speech, and she's all yours buddy! (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 15 Keith begins sweating profusely, a puddle of sweat is beginning to materialize around him. KEITH Date me!!! REBECCA Huh? KEITH In our play! We are Rocky and Adrian, we must date. Get it? Yeah. It's going to be really funny! REBECCA (laughs) I guess so. KEITH I really like the movie, Rocky, it's one of my favorite movies. REBECCA Really? I hate it, it's too schmaltzy, and I hate boxing. KEITH Oh yeah! I hated it too! What was I thinking? Sorry, I was thinking about something else. Robots, or something. We should practice outside of school sometime. REBECCA We should! Here let me give you my number, it's... KEITH ...555-6954. I know it already, I looked up your phone number and address in the phone book a long time ago. Keith realizes he sounds really creepy at this point. KEITH I mean my friend told me, I don't even own a phone book! Right. I gotta go! Talk to you later! Keith then unexpectedly unleashes a massive fart out of nowhere(SFX: FART). KEITH Uh, that wasn't me. Bye! (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 16 REBECCA Bye! Keith runs off, The camera ZOOMs in on Rebecca who is grinning. REBECCA(vo) He's so dreamy! END OF ACT TWO ACT THREE CUT TO: 13. DETENTION HALL - 2:40 PM Keith is sitting in the detention hall alone, working on his homework, when Mr. Sumner bursts in through the door and sits at his desk. Keith looks up from his work to see Mr. Sumner staring at him. SUMNER Look alive, screw up! I've got a special punishment in store for you. Keith gulps. CUT TO: 14. SUMNER'S OFFICE - 2:50 PM The camera PANs by the doorway to Sumner's office and we see Keith giving Mr. Sumner a foot massage. The camera begins to ZOOM in on the two of them while Keith continues to massage Sumner's feet. SUMNER Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Keith, you might be a complete failure at life, but you give a damn good foot rub. KEITH (monotone) Thanks, sir. SUMNER What's wrong, Keith? You sound a little down. Keith takes a sponge and dunks it into a bucket, and then rubs the sponge on Sumner's feet, cleaning them. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 17. KEITH It's nothing, sir. I'm just having a little girl trouble. SUMNER Well, whatever it is, just give her as good of a foot rub you're giving me and you'll be out of the hot water, I can assure you! KEITH It's a little more complicated than that. There's this girl I like and I just talked to her for the first time, really, and I think I messed it completely up. SUMNER Ah, women, they're a hard bunch to read, that's for sure. Did I ever tell you about how I met my wife? KEITH Well, no, sir. We've never really talked before besides you telling me how big of a loser I am. SUMNER It was about twenty years ago, back before you were born. I was just a kid myself back then. It was back in old country. You see, my wife had been captured by a gigantic, evil turtle. So i gathered up all my courage, put on my blue overalls, and journeyed through the entire kingdom, fighting off monsters and evil turtles, until I finally reached where she was being held captive! Or so I thought, as it turned out, she was in another castle all along. It took awhile, but I finally found her and rescued her, after that, we were married, of course, my brother Luigi really did most of the work. KEITH Uh, sir, I'm pretty sure none of that actually happened, in fact, you just sort of described the premise to Super Mario Brothers. SUMNER Did I? I guess I really don't remember, but do you see the point I'm trying to make here? KEITH Not at all, sir, no. SUMNER The point is, if you really want the girl you're after, you can't just be another bum from the neighborhood. You gotta make something of yourself. You've got to pick yourself up from off the ground, dust yourself off. Take the reigns of your life, and be the best damn Keith you can be! (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 18 KEITH Wow, that's really good advice, Mr. Sumner. SUMNER Keith, my boy, you're a bit of an idiot, but you've always been there to look out for my son. I think your heart's in the right place sometimes kid. It's just that your brain isn't, you're so unfocused. You can't just let yourself rot away, living day by day. You're not in any extracurricular activities are you? KEITH No, sir. SUMNER See, now this is your problem. You sit here and complain about how bad your life is, yet you don't go out there and change anything about it. You're the reason your life is bad, these things like "bad luck" or "crappy assistant principals," they're just excuses, reasons you come up with trying to rationalize your own faults that you have. It's okay to be afraid sometimes, I understand, but you can't just sit there and let it take you over. Keith hesitates for a moment, and then puts the sponge back in the bucket. KEITH You're right, sir, I gotta pick myself up. I know what I gotta do now, thanks a bunch! Keith gets up and runs out the door. Sumner looks stunned. SUMNER Hey, wait a second, we're not done here! You haven't even gotten to the bunions! Sumner goes through his desk and finds a bag of pretzels and starts eating them. SUMNER Oh, the hell with it. Godspeed you lovable scamp. CUT TO: 15. SCHOOL HALLWAY - 4:30 PM Keith is walking through the hallway in perfect posture and stride, he looks like he could catch and skin a lion if he so desired. We see Yancy emerge from the shadow, pounding his fist into his other palm, obviously looking for a fight. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 19 YANCY Hey ya, punk, where do you think you're... Yancy is abruptly cut off by Keith's fist in his stomach. Keith leaps over Yancy and twirls around and hikes Yancy's pants down. Yancy tries to waddle over to Keith in retaliation, but trips and falls. Keith continues walking. The camera ZOOMs in on Yancy. YANCY I'll get you for this! You won't escape.... Yancy raises his fists in the air. YANCY My wrath!!! FADE TO: 16. KEITH'S HOME - 5 PM Keith kicks the door down. Keith's dad is still sitting at the kitchen table. DAD What the hell? KEITH Sir! I am back from school, sir! DAD At ease, private. KEITH Hey, Dad, how was your day? You need any help around the house? DAD No, not really, is everything okay, Keith? You seem like less of a screw-up today. KEITH I'm fine, dad, there's just some things I need to do. Keith goes upstairs and goes into his room, where he sets his alarm clock an hour earlier than usual. Before he leaves his room, he sees himself in the mirror and flexes. KEITH Lookin' damn good, cowboy. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 20 Just then, the camera reveals Kim standing in the doorway. KIM My god, my little brother is such a little dweeb. Keith turns around to face his sister, he walks up to her and puts his arm on her shoulder. KEITH Kim, thanks for giving me rides to school everyday, and I really valued our time together, but from now on, I don't need you anymore, I'll take the bus to school. I hope you're not disappointed? KIM Really? But, well, to be honest, I'd sort of miss giving you rides to school. I mean, you're my brother, I hardly get to see you. Keith kisses Kim on the cheek. KEITH You're so sweet, sis, talk to you later! WIPE TO: 17. LIVING ROOM - 6 PM Keith is staring at the phone in the room. Twiddling his fingers. KEITH Let's do this. Camera jump CUTs to Keith dialing Rebecca's number and then jump CUTs again to him sitting on the phone with Rebecca. REBECCA(vo) Hello? KEITH Hey, let's practice our parts this weekend together. REBECCA(vo) Keith? Hi! Uh..sure, I'd love to. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 21 KEITH Also, beforehand, we're going to go out for dinner, and then we're going to make out like savage animals. REBECCA(vo) Sure! KEITH Great, see you friday. Keith hangs up the phone. KEITH Holy crap, this taking charge thing kicks ass! Keith hesitates for a moment, then picks up the phone again and starts dialing. YANCY(vo) Hello? KEITH Hello, Yancy? YANCY(vo) Yeah? Who is this? KEITH You suck! Keith slams the phone down and starts laughing. KEITH Nothing bad can happen of this ever. FADE TO: 18. KEITH'S BEDROOM - 7:30 AM Keith is sleeping peacefully, and his alarm goes off,even though he threw it out the window the day before, it is inexplicably back. Keith gets up, yawns, stretches and starts walking to the door when he notices that there is a note on the door written in blood. The camera ZOOMs in on the message to show it, EVER DANCE WITH THE DEVIL IN THE PALE MOONLIGHT - HUGS AND KISSES, YANCY. (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 22 KEITH Oh no. Keith runs over to his window and we get a POV shot through Keith of the street below. Yancy is waiting outside with a chainsaw. Yancy catches sight of Keith looking at him and begins to rev the chainsaw. (SFX: CHAINSAW). Keith's expression turns serious, and he glances over to his left, the camera quickly PANs over to his line of vision to reveal a baseball bat. Keith picks up the baseball bat and then leaps out the window. CUT TO: 19. KEITH'S YARD - 7:32 AM. Keith lands with a loud crack(SFX: BONE CRACKING) while RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE - BULLS ON PARADE starts playing. KEITH Ouch. YANCY You'd knew it'd come down to this, Keith. KEITH Come wit' it now! Keith charges Yancy with his baseball bat and evades his chainsaw. The camera PANs around the two combatants as they exchange attacks with their weapons. Yancy's chainsaw cuts through Keith's baseball bat rather handily. Keith glances around, not sure what to do, so he picks up some mud and throws it in Yancy's eye. Yancy moans in pain(SFX: BABBOON ROAR) while Keith runs into his garage and starts up his sister's car and tries to drive it into Yancy. Yancy regains his senses and somersaults on top of the speeding car, and uses his chainsaw to cut through the roof. Keith panics and slams on the brakes of the car, bucking Yancy off of the roof. Yancy lands on his back and groans. YANCY Ow, my spine! Keith picks up a can of spinach and chugs it,energizing his body. He charges at Yancy. Yancy throws his chainsaw to the ground and runs at Keith. The two both make contact and a dust cloud emerges in their fight, making the action completely obscured from vision. When the dust finally settles. Keith is shown laying on the floor with Yancy standing over him, triumphant. YANCY ..and that's for prank calling my house! Little twerp! (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 23 KEITH Sorry sir, won't happen again, sir. YANCY Well, that's that. Yancy runs off and dives into some bushes, presumingly causing havoc somewhere else. KEITH(vo) As I lay there on the floor, I wasn't really sure what the lesson i learned today was. Acting like usual my self just got me beaten, but when I tried to take charge with my life, I ended up getting beaten up too. Maybe Sumner was trying to teach me some kind of balance in life. Like the force, I need to find moderation, because in the end you can't just act in one extreme, there aren't any absolutes in life. Keith gets up and dusts himself off. CUT TO: 20. MONTAGE We now see a montage of Keith performing tasks while the SUPERMAN THEME plays. We see him in class Paying attention and raising his hand. We see him in gym class swinging a baseball bat and hitting a homerun. This montage would also include him practicing his scenes with Rebecca in Rocky, and then finally culminating in the final performance on stage in front of the school. We then hear the audience applaud(SFX: APPLAUSE) as Keith and Rebecca take their final bow. CUT TO: 21. BACKSTAGE - 10 PM Keith is taking off his make-up when Rebecca runs up to him. Keith sees her and smiles. REBECCA Wow, Keith, you were really great in the play! KEITH Well, I had a wonderful co-star to work with. Whaddya say we go grab dinner or something? REBECCA Oh Keith, I'd love to! (continued) "TEEN ANGST", 5/7/07, 24 We see Keith and Rebecca walk off into the distance and the camera ZOOMs out on them. KEITH(vo) So I guess, in the end, everything kind of worked out. I started working on not being such a pain in the ass, but I never lost my sense of self. You can't change who you are, but there's always a way to improve yourself. I learned that maybe life isn't really all that unfair, and maybe it was just myself I was being unfair to. I mean, I am a pretty great guy, right? I deserve a break now and then, and that's that. FADE OUT.
Posted Image


Posted ImagePosted Image

#2 Undercooked Sausage

Undercooked Sausage

    Golden God

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 13801 posts

Posted 12 September 2007 - 11:22 PM

oh and yeah just fyi i spent all of high school playing video games jerking off and feeling sorry for myself so i have no idea what high school is actually like, but i hope it was like this
Posted Image


Posted ImagePosted Image

#3 Damo Suzuki

Damo Suzuki

    Hipster

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPip
  • 3715 posts

Posted 12 September 2007 - 11:25 PM

Dan Butler
COMS 355 SECTION 3

As far as I got.
"One can't love man without hating most of the creatures who pretend to bear his name."

#4 Undercooked Sausage

Undercooked Sausage

    Golden God

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 13801 posts

Posted 12 September 2007 - 11:27 PM

That's okay, I'll just soak my pillow in my own tears and cum tbh i just posted this for pavement ist rad
Posted Image


Posted ImagePosted Image

#5 Pavement Ist Rad

Pavement Ist Rad

    What would the Melvins say?

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 13223 posts

Posted 12 September 2007 - 11:35 PM

Ha, you sent me most of it over AIM like, an hour ago or whenever. Still, this is some classic shit.
Posted Image

Damo Suzuki: So, um, yeah. Getting older isn't as bad as it sounds. Better than being young & poor (DjDrake) or young & slutty (SG) or young, poor and slutty (Paves); am I right?

Alright, my friends. It's time for another solid little rock jam

#6 BRANDON BOYD FROM INCUBUS

BRANDON BOYD FROM INCUBUS

    all sorts of chill

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 5776 posts

Posted 12 September 2007 - 11:41 PM

i printed this out to read in class sometime...23 pages

#7 theremin

theremin

    Rockist

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 6383 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 12:16 AM

didn't the killer in VA write shit like this?

#8 The Good Dr Bill

The Good Dr Bill

    Maybe. Maybe Not. Maybe Fuck Yourself.

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 11511 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 12:39 AM

i printed this out to read in class sometime...23 pages


brilliant

don't have the patience to read through at the moment but I did notice one character was named "Sumner"
what does he file at the hall of records? a declaration of tortoise intent

#9 Undercooked Sausage

Undercooked Sausage

    Golden God

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 13801 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 02:07 AM

didn't the killer in VA write shit like this?

mainly where i got my inspiration, i had a character named mcbeef but teacher got mad
Posted Image


Posted ImagePosted Image

#10 TJENZ

TJENZ

    Golden God

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 10508 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 08:34 AM

Ow, my skin!


2008-01-15-coopdevil01_lg.jpg


#11 sKinnY

sKinnY

    Maître D'

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 9439 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 08:48 AM

YANCY
Hey ya, punk, where do you think you're...

Yancy is abruptly cut off by Keith's fist in his stomach. Keith leaps over Yancy and twirls around and hikes Yancy's pants down. Yancy tries to waddle over to Keith in retaliation, but trips and falls. Keith continues walking. The camera ZOOMs in on Yancy.

YANCY
I'll get you for this! You won't escape....

Yancy raises his fists in the air.

YANCY
My wrath!!!


i haven't read the whole thing but there sure is alot Yancy bashin in this thing. you would think Montana wrote this.

"what kind of moe cop doesn't give her the old suck on my balls warning?

"Posted Image

#12 typical pickle conflicts

typical pickle conflicts

    Hipster

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPip
  • 1943 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 09:54 AM

Yancy is a pretty good bully malook name
Posted Image

#13 i-c

i-c

    Newbie

  • Sombie
  • PipPip
  • 838 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 01:28 PM

Much too long. Can somebody give me a 3-4 sentence synopsis?

#14 Undercooked Sausage

Undercooked Sausage

    Golden God

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 13801 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 02:31 PM

I write script. One of the characters is named after Yancy and another is named after the guitarist for New Order. I run out of ideas halfway through and finish it like 20 minutes before it's due. Mr. T is in it.
Posted Image


Posted ImagePosted Image

#15 Ennui

Ennui

    Hipster

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPip
  • 3180 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 03:06 PM

I like the tyson scene. Now I know if he tries to bite me, i should just throw a red bull-filled twinkie into his mouth.
But among the jackals, the panthers, the bitch hounds, The apes, the scorpions, the vultures, the serpents, The yelping, howling, growling, crawling monsters, In the filthy menagerie of our vices, There is one more ugly, more wicked, more filthy! Although he makes neither great gestures nor great cries, He would willingly make of the earth a shambles And, in a yawn, swallow the world; He is Ennui! — His eye watery as though with tears, He dreams of scaffolds as he smokes his hookah pipe. You know him reader, that refined monster, — Hypocritish reader, — my fellow, — my brother!

#16 wakingrufus

wakingrufus

    And then John was a Sombie

  • Administrators
  • PipPipPip
  • 2376 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 06:14 PM

Sausage's wall of text crits you for 99999. You die.
Last.fm: Posted Image

#17 i-c

i-c

    Newbie

  • Sombie
  • PipPip
  • 838 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 06:20 PM

I write script. One of the characters is named after Yancy and another is named after the guitarist for New Order. I run out of ideas halfway through and finish it like 20 minutes before it's due. Mr. T is in it.

I grade it a B+.

#18 typical pickle conflicts

typical pickle conflicts

    Hipster

  • Sombie
  • PipPipPip
  • 1943 posts

Posted 13 September 2007 - 07:02 PM

I think I assumed the principal actually was barney
Posted Image