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should I tell my parents I'm dating a 50 year old?


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#1 avec

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 08:38 AM

So I'm 28 and living at home again (yeah, yeah, I'm saving up to buy a house and almost there). And when I go places my parents still ask questions naturally. Especially when I have a girlfriend/date (a momentous occasion to them!). Or when I spend the night somewhere (who will you be with, stay safe etc). I don't have a problem with what I'm doing but I'm worried about how I should break it to my parents. Should I just continuously lie that I'm spending the night at a friends place (during the work week, wtf?) I guess I could just tell my 'rents she's older than me and leave it at that. But if my mom found out she's almost her age, then man I don't know what she'd do.

#2 Rob Gordon

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 08:51 AM

This sounds like a gender reversal. Isn't it the girl who's dating the older guy? Ha. It's none of their business. The problem is you live in their house so you have to deal with a possible uncomfortable situation if they aren't into it. As it's not their biz, it's also their right to ask you to move out if they aren't comfortable with you dating her and sleeping over at her place. Bottom line. Tell them the truth. You're dating an older woman, you sleep over there. You're 28 for cryin' out loud. If they don't dig that and give you a regular hassle about it then you'll have to move out. And, as I say, if they are bad parents it's still their right to toss you out as well.
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#3 st. park

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 08:51 AM

what 50?

#4 avec

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 08:53 AM

what 50?


she doesn't look it lol

#5 avec

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 08:59 AM

The problem is you live in their house


Exactly. Good overall advice there. Don't think they'd kick me out, they're good parents and generally supportive of me. But I can see them disagreeing with what I'm doing. (find someone your own age!) and yeah that makes sense but shit happens.

#6 brainstorm

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 09:24 AM

So I'm 28 and living at home again (yeah, yeah, I'm saving up to buy a house and almost there). And when I go places my parents still ask questions naturally. Especially when I have a girlfriend/date (a momentous occasion to them!). Or when I spend the night somewhere (who will you be with, stay safe etc).

I don't have a problem with what I'm doing but I'm worried about how I should break it to my parents. Should I just continuously lie that I'm spending the night at a friends place (during the work week, wtf?)

I guess I could just tell my 'rents she's older than me and leave it at that. But if my mom found out she's almost her age, then man I don't know what she'd do.


Definitely tell them - lying to parents sucks. You just feel ashamed of yourself all the time after awhile. But if your having a date is a momentous occasion, they're gonna have to put their money where their mouths are and be happy you've found anyone.
"So?" - Dick Cheney

#7 avec

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 09:37 AM

You see I think they'd give me leeway if it were early to mid thirties, get irked if she was in her 40's, but 50 would be absurd to them (hey it even boggles my mind). It will be embarrassing to tell them and for sure I will try to dance around the answer for as long as possible. Hopefully they'll just relax and let me have some fun with this.

#8 BobtheSquid

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 09:41 AM

Tell them it could be worse. She could be pregnant.

#9 avec

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 09:42 AM

that's funny as hell

#10 Rob Gordon

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 09:45 AM

Tell them it could be worse. She could be pregnant.


Actually it may be worse the other way. If they envision grandchildren, a 50 year woman isn't going to be providing that.
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#11 zolacolby

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 09:48 AM

Is she a cougar?
"Maybe I should follow you around and smartify everything you say." "in barlight she looked allright, in daylight she looked desperate." "I'm gonna shower in that shit"

#12 avec

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 09:51 AM

yeah, I know at this stage (age) in my life they are waiting for me to find "the one" and get married probably. Especially after I buy my own place. And I have no problem with them getting excited about that. This relationship would obviously imply casual dating, another idea they might not understand.

#13 MadroXXX

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 09:52 AM

you're living my dream, avec.

#14 avec

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 09:56 AM

you're living my dream, avec.


lol thanx

I just want to do this thang without any societal/cultural implications but I guess it's more complicated than that. I have to think it through.

Thank you SOMB and sorry for the creepy thread

#15 red

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 10:41 AM

This sounds like a gender reversal. Isn't it the girl who's dating the older guy? Ha.

22 years older? Wow. My long-term ex (7 year relationship) was only 5 years younger than me and I always worried about the age difference. Not in terms of what people would think because I didn't give a crap about that, but I was concerned about the issues that might eventually arise because we had somewhat different life experiences. I always attract younger guys for some reason (I like to think it's because I look younger than I am) even though traditionally the man is usually older in a relationship. Over the past year I've actually briefly dated a couple of guys in their early twenties (I'm 33) and currently I have a guy I used to work with who is 10 years younger trying to pursue me. The thing is I never get deeply involved with these guys because I know it would never work long-term. They are great guys, but we are in different places in our lives and have different experiences and goals. However, that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with casually dating them. I say if you enjoy each others company why the hell not?

Anyhow, as for your situation I'd say if you are living with your parents you should tell them. They pretty much have the right to know. And yeah, any normal parent would flip out. I imagine it's sort of like telling them your gay. All their dreams of you finding a beautiful young wife and making babies are probably going to be smashed. But in the end it's your life and you have the right to do whatever you want.

Red is right


#16 Damo Suzuki

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 10:45 AM

So is this the same MILF you gave your number to, Avec? I do enjoy these follow up threads. Also, I could never date a woman that much older than me. Or a woman taller than me. Creeps me out.
"One can't love man without hating most of the creatures who pretend to bear his name."

#17 theremin

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 11:19 AM

Thread is useless without cougar pics.

#18 gwa

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 12:57 PM

22 years? Wow. High five. If this is just casual to you, then what good comes out of you telling them? Say you're dating someone and leave it at that. If they start asking questions, tell them you're just having fun, and as soon as you're serious about her or any girl, they'll be the first to know.

The thing is I never get deeply involved with these guys because I know it would never work long-term. They are great guys, but we are in different places in our lives and have different experiences and goals. However, that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with casually dating them. I say if you enjoy each others company why the hell not?

Exactly my thought going into my current relationship, which was a 9 year difference. I knew it'd be fun, and I figured it'd end in a month. Glad I was wrong. :P Then again, with me at 39 and him at 30, that's a whole lot different than 33 vs. 23. Pretty sure my head would be where yours is at.

The cougar thing has definitely caught on, though. Can't tell you how many guys in their early 20s have asked me out this year. Never used to happen, at least not this blatantly "be my Mrs. Robinson."

#19 john the cool kid

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 01:45 PM

i bet there is the same thread on some gardening board, "should i date 28 year old living with parents" i don't want to be a hater but 50 is old as hell dude. but also major props if she is a stunner

#20 Rob Gordon

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Posted 18 May 2008 - 02:06 PM

1. GWA's right about if it being casual then why bother telling them. But do tell them if you're shacking up. They don't need to know with whom...again if it's casual. 2. John The Cool Kids wrong. 50 is not old. In fact, fuck you.
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