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Ayveq (1994-2008)


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#1 Waylon

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Posted 23 June 2008 - 08:12 PM

We lost another legend today:

Death of a legend
Ayveq, the walrus whose bizarre, though oddly compelling, masturbation rituals made him an international sensation at the New York Aquarium, has died. He was 14.

Though well-liked long before he discovered the habit that would make him a star, Ayveq’s frequent public self-gratification made him the Coney Island institution’s singular attraction.

“We are all still in shock about it,” Aquarium Director Jon Forrest Dohlin said. “He was an absolute delight. He had a magnetism and a charm that was totally his own. He loved people and he knew how to work a crowd and entertain guests.

“And himself,” Dohlin added. “He did have a raffish charm, no doubt about it.”

The Aquarium said workers discovered that Avyeq was ailing on Sunday, June 15.

“On Saturday night, he was perfect — no problems at all,” said Dohlin, “but the next morning, we could see that he was not right.”

Within one week, he was dead, most likely of a “massive” bacterial infection, Dohlin said.

“We tried everything, but it progressed so rapidly,” he said.

The exact cause of death will not be known until an autopsy.

Ayveq moved to the Aquarium from his native Alaska in 1994, shortly after he and two brothers were orphaned. His name, curiously enough, means “walrus” in Siberian Yupik.

The death of Ayveq comes almost exactly a year after the birth of his only (known) son, Akituusaq, whom he sired with the female, Kulusiq after years of unrequited courting.


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#2 Bob Loblaw

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Posted 23 June 2008 - 08:26 PM

Thread useless without video.

#3 Waylon

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Posted 23 June 2008 - 08:28 PM

I have a friend who used to work at that aquarium, and she said he would do it especially vigorously if there was a crowd around. The most I ever saw was a good rub against the glass.

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#4 Bob Loblaw

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Posted 23 June 2008 - 08:30 PM

Give him a cigarette afterward and there's really no reason to go to the monkey cage.

#5 Waylon

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Posted 23 June 2008 - 08:32 PM

No joke, she also got groped by the octopus. I don't know what's in the water at the Coney Island aquarium, but they must be doing something right.

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#6 Waylon

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Posted 23 June 2008 - 08:34 PM

Thread useless without video.



NSFW, unless you're my aforementioned friend:

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#7 Ent

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Posted 23 June 2008 - 08:50 PM

Lol. He probably explored every inch of that tank several thousand times and was bored. So what else did he have to do in there? I don't see any other walrus'.

#8 Waylon

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Posted 23 June 2008 - 08:59 PM

You'd think he was lonely, but Ayveq was a walrus of Falstaffian appetites:

Walrus dad still a self-lover

The bad news: Ayveq is about as good a father as Bob Guccione. The good news: He’s still masturbating.


Could it be that Ayveq had finally abandoned his self-love ways?

“No,” said the Aquarium’s senior keeper Jo Basinger. “He’s only 13, so he’s often too annoying to her for her to even deal with him.”

Annoying?

“His constant attempts to breed, you know,” Basinger said (oh, I know all about annoying females through over-aggressive courtship rituals — believe me, I know).

“When he gets that way, she just steers clear of him.”

So that’s when he takes matters into his own fins, right? Not exactly.

“Oh, he does that whenever,” Basinger said. “It has nothing to do with whether he’s mating or not.”


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#9 Ennui

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Posted 23 June 2008 - 09:02 PM

Wow. Now I can say I've watched a walrus masturbate.
But among the jackals, the panthers, the bitch hounds, The apes, the scorpions, the vultures, the serpents, The yelping, howling, growling, crawling monsters, In the filthy menagerie of our vices, There is one more ugly, more wicked, more filthy! Although he makes neither great gestures nor great cries, He would willingly make of the earth a shambles And, in a yawn, swallow the world; He is Ennui! — His eye watery as though with tears, He dreams of scaffolds as he smokes his hookah pipe. You know him reader, that refined monster, — Hypocritish reader, — my fellow, — my brother!

#10 Waylon

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 03:33 PM

I'm gonna print out these stories, so if I ever have a teenage son I can mess with his head:
Ayveq the Masturbating Walrus: Dead at Fourteen

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#11 Agrimorfee

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 04:23 PM

You scooped Tony, good job. ;)

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#12 Vivian Darkbloom

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Posted 25 June 2008 - 04:27 PM

Goo goo goo joob, indeed.
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