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#81 boobs



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Posted 23 August 2006 - 09:52 AM

nah, contrarian is where I disagree with your opinion for no reason. Here I'm just letting you know that you're wrong.

The one who put the satin on your panties.

#82 ladytron: the tv series

ladytron: the tv series


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Posted 24 August 2006 - 01:11 AM

hip hip

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#83 worrywort



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Posted 24 August 2006 - 01:16 AM

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#84 boobs



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Posted 25 August 2006 - 11:05 AM

1. When you wake up tomorrow, your life will be perfect (well, perfect to you at least). Where are you, what are you doing, who are you with, etc.?

2. Who would you most like to interview?

3. Do you think that baby Suri Cruise actually exists?

1. I wake up in my bed with a girl I know in my arms (my bed is twice as large as it is now, as is my room). She stays asleep for another hour or two while I play with her hair and finish watching season four of Home Movies on DVD, until she's woken up by my barely-restrained chuckling. She kisses me on the cheek, we have sex once or twice, shower, and go to my kitchen to have scrambled eggs for breakfast. We're joined by my brother and his girlfriend (who are probably doing the cooking, in fact, and they make it the way I like, with garlic cream cheese and assorted meats and such), we talk, sip heavily-diluted coffee and I read the Weekend section in the paper. I then dress in my traditional outfit of bathrobe + EMF T-shirt and go off to a college bowl tournament, which I now get paid for and am on a nationwide all-star team, competing against opressive, non-democratic societies and the like in my old High School auditorium. There are no more stupid questions about Airlines, Trashy Books no one reads, or Theme Parks, and there are only one or two sports questions per packet (and no more fucking NASCAR questions ever), and an increased number of questions about movies and music. We beat the recently re-assembled USSR (sorry, citizens of Russia, but this is my fantasy) in a best-out-of-7 squeaker for the championships (the victory of which I seal be being able to name all nine of Loverboy's top 40 hits), after which we go to Wendy's (which is now serving their ultra-delicious Bacon Mushroom Melt for the next two weeks only) to celebrate. I then go with my friends from home to the Bala theater, at which I have rented out one screen for a special showing of classic 80s blaxploitation flick The Messenger, and we get drunk on King Cobra 40 oz's and quote along with every line. I go home with the same girl I started the day with, we get high, watch PlayMania for a half an hour and fuck again once or twice. She gently coos Donna Lewis's "I Love You Always Forever" in my right ear as I fall asleep.

(damn, damn, damn you for asking me this question)

2. Chuck Klosterman, but I'd maybe ask him two questions relating to his career or body of work, and spend the rest of the time talking to him about power ballads and Dazed and Confused.

3. Sorry, I have no idea who this is. I don't keep up with current events.

The one who put the satin on your panties.

#85 worrywort



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Posted 27 August 2006 - 02:22 AM

The ultimate promise of technology is to make us master of a world that we command by the push of a button. The SOMB is the avant-garde exploring this world. They grew up taking media for granted. Now they use it as their natural habitat for instant gratification of desires - desires, of course, that they only direct at what the media can give. The time structure of the SOMB is one of constant disposition. This attitude of consumerism is also applied to other people, which is a possible explanation for the intensive use of the telephone at every hour of the day and night.

Mostly, Sombies avoid face-to-face communication, but excessively exercise communication via technical media. The structures of their exchange of information are uwasa (rumor) and kuchi-komi, (oral communication, gossip), minor communication and ofu-rekôdo (off record), rupture, fictionality, and play (e.g. telephone-games and -parties), dispersal of the self into the network, and in the last instance - discommunication. It is important to speak, not what is spoken. Characteristic of Sombies is that they speak without context. They live in the simulacrum of a self-referential system which is not subjected to content. Central is the awareness: there are media.

Basically they can communicate only with the same type of Sombies. Their exchange is not interactive, they only show off their information. People categorize each other by their predeliction for certain details. If two of them find overlapping tastes they get along well, if not they don't have anything to say to each other. No proselytism drives them to preach their way.

Chicago, I've been told, is today the center of the SOMB. They make up whole neighborhoods and relevant sectors of the population. Chicago is a non-place, a dead, boring city with nothing happening, therefore the only thing to do is go into the networks.

Again others attempt to give an alternative meaning to the SOMB. They use the term strategically to depict an ambiguous possibility of a life-style in postmodern society - a way of positively living with media and without meaning. Says Tsuzuki: "The SOMB is a way of involvement, an underground way of changing the ideas about the world. Sombies are not satisfied with consuming. They want to change things and programs. They are so much involved. The idol- industry wants consumers, Sombies overfulfill their wish. They don't stand for a classic confrontation, but they do have the capability of an alternative view." Yamazaki is more ambivalent about them. In his opinion they are under- as well as over-estimated. In a sense they are typical Japanese. "They are no drop-outs, but part-time outsiders. I wonder whether Sombies will create a new culture. It's a kind of experiment, but I think Sombies are the only way. Whether they have a subversive potential? I hope so. I hope they will become a real postmodern people."

Make this man a mod.
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#86 without_opinion


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Posted 05 September 2006 - 11:36 AM

1. Oso, sorry to hear about your finger. Shit like that makes me wince more than hearing about some guy getting stabbed in the heart by a stingray.

2. Fingers getting chopped off, one more reason I never go camping.

3. I'm pretty sure that when you drink Sparks Plus, you wake up feeling about ten times better than when you drink other non-Sparks alcohol.

4. Is this where I'm supposed to talk about what I've eaten recently?

5. Yes, I'm bored enough to post in this goddamned thread.

Music Is My Girlfriend (click for playlists) -- my brother's weekly radio show (new time!), Mondays, 2pm CST, out of Crested Butte, CO. Hear it at KBUT fm online

#87 Slackmo


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Posted 11 September 2006 - 10:21 PM

Week 51

1. Do you ever feel like your life is spinning out of control?
2. Why don't people respect Mike Judge?
3. You die. How long does it take for you to be found?
4. Why are so many men such pussies?
5. Why are mods altering posts?
6. WTF Cubs?
7. Have you ever done LSD?
8. Do You Need a CD STORAGE SHELF?
9. Does Allmusic have any credibility left?
10. Do your parents piss you off?
11. Is Pfork's Nick Sylvester also the V.Voice's Nick Sylvester?
12. What rock music today will be "classic rock" in 20 years?
13. Is "Sister Ray" actually any good?
14. What city and what year would you have liked to live in?
15. What do you do when you want to lose weight?
16. Why are there more beautiful women in cities than not in cities?
17. WTF Bulls?
18. What's the first thing you do when you get home?
19. What the hell is everyone bad at?
20. How the hell did you find us?

Someone Still Loves You Pants McJickson

#88 Pavement Ist Rad

Pavement Ist Rad

    What would the Melvins say?

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Posted 23 September 2006 - 12:28 AM

Posted two minutes ago. Instant classic.

when win butler sings he sounds like he's:

Crown of Love -> dying a slow, spiritual death after getting caught in the rain while gardening
Sleeping in a Submarine -> sleepcrying through a male domination fantasy
Neighborhood #3 -> getting mauled by a large dog
Vampire Forest Fire -> trying to talk a 12 year old boy into sitting on his lap
The Woodland National Anthem -> Caroling in cell block d at sing sing, in august
Neighborhood #4 - Recording a video diary introduction on youtube for his guildmates from WoW to learn more about him
Rebellion (Lies) -> Bored

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Damo Suzuki: So, um, yeah. Getting older isn't as bad as it sounds. Better than being young & poor (DjDrake) or young & slutty (SG) or young, poor and slutty (Paves); am I right?

Alright, my friends. It's time for another solid little rock jam

#89 undo


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Posted 02 October 2006 - 04:51 PM


#90 undo


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Posted 04 October 2006 - 10:41 PM

Here's the latest installation of the SOMB Timeline. I know there's a lot of stuff that's in progress right now and that it would probably make sense to wait until those things are finished (polls and the like) but the fact is, there are always going to be things in progress. So with raj's blessing I'm just going to go ahead and post the timeline now.


Compiled by Raj. Written collectively by members of the SOMB. If anyone wants to be specifically credited for their particular contribution, just say so. If anyone finds fault with a part of the timeline, or feels an item is not worthy of inclusion, they can say so in this thread or PM me.

1993: Sound Opinions, "The World's Only Rock 'n’ Roll Talk Show," hosted by Chicago Sun-Times critic Jim DeRogatis and Chicago Reader critic Bill Wyman, debuts on The Loop (97.9).

1994: The show moves to Q101 (101.1).

1995: The show ends when DeRogatis took a job at Rolling Stone.

1998: Sound Opinions returns in 1998 on WXRT (93.1) with Chicago Tribune critic Greg Kot, and the pair remain hosts to present day.

2000?: The original Sound Opinions webpage is founded, linking to the WXRT homepage. A crude, turn of the century-style message board is established and linked to through the Sound Opinions (SO) website. The site and the message board are regularly plugged on air by the hosts, with hopes that listeners will register and discuss topics pertaining to the show.

2000: The earliest incarnation of the board, a tree-style forum, is scrapped for a model where only topics are displayed instead of all responses. This board may have been replaced by yet another before the first major board shift in 2003, but there remains no evidence to confirm such a claim. This version was somewhat similar to I Love Music (ilx.wh3rd.net) in format and perhaps only Hickman and Janine were around for it (or would this be the previous entry, Brett? - raj). Littleramona lurks: "Nothing happened. I mean, somebody would start a thread and it would die. Right on the spot. Tumbleweed rolls through ghost towns, but here tumbleweed would actually have livened the place up."

Late 2000: Jim and Greg announce their best CDs of 2000, creating some of the first real debate with contributions from Whichoneispink, Crease and Hickman.

Early 2001: The first formal version of the SOMB. Undo, Nick, Janine, Hickman, Okcompinkerton/Sherriff Sam/cpl-593h, bleachthesheep, Whichoneispink, Crease, Littleramona, Coolrock and By-Tor are among the earliest members. Popular topics include the third Weezer album, Radiohead's “Kid A,” the demise and aftermath of Smashing Pumpkins, and a pair of hot new bands: The Strokes and The White Stripes. Perhaps inspired by the novelty and instant gratification of the boarding experience, several members begin experimenting with blogging and writing for websites. Friendliness and optimism abound.

September 2001: The biggest controversy in 2001 is Brett's reaction to Bill Maher's comments about what really was "cowardly" right after the 9/11 attacks. Most of the board fights viciously over those comments.

Late 2001: Tjenz, Damo Suzuki and Issachar join.

December 2001/January 2002: The year-end Sound Opinions album poll takes place, with Jim and Greg reading their top 10 lists on the air. A thread is posted on the message board for listeners to contribute their own lists. Many do and a lengthy thread with some discussion ensues, but soon fades into memory as January begins.

January 2002: Nonphenomenal joins, insults Hickman.

Spring 2002: One of the first great battles about hip-hop as a legitimate genre is started. Ben, Cpl-593h (okcompinkerton), Damo (p1nk...) and Midnite Vulture are the first to man the frontline. Started in the days before rockism even had a name.
The Sevbass scandal.

Mid-2002: Wilco releases “Yankee Hotel Foxtrot” after months of near-hyperbolic critical acclaim by Sound Opinions hosts DeRogatis and Kot. Radiohead releases “Amnesiac.” Both albums become the source of some of the first truly passionate attempts at discussion on the board in the first prosperous era of the SOMB.
Eric Maloney joins the board.

June 2002: Diesel95 and Saskadelphia join the board.

August 2002: The new Beck thread.

Fall 2002: A big poll on albums is taken. Several people including Melissa and Ben are extremely disappointed in the results, particularly the fact that “Automatic For the People” finishes at #1. Janine says she protests the results because "Shiny Happy People" is on the album. The board jumps all over her for not knowing the truth. Janine leaves the board soon after, though she says it's not because people ripped her. Melissa blames the results on the point system. She creates a complicated system where voters can designate points for each album. A new vote is taken in November. “Automatic” still wins.

Late 2002: A thread on Bruce Springsteen's "The Rising" draws many responses and leads to the formation of the Four Horseman, a Springsteen advocacy group. The group includes at some point Norton, El C, Celtic Fish, Issachar and Eric Maloney (yes/no? –raj). The bar nights begin and continue for the next year.
St. Park (then Whichwill07) begins to lurk. Yellowgrrl joins the board.

December 2002: Little Jess meets SOMB members at a show and DJDee bemoans an Illmatic-less best-of albums list; they both join the board.
DJ battles HoosierBuff in the Etc Forum and battles Hickman in the Discussion Forum.
The year-end poll is taken once more. Again, listeners post their top 10 lists, but member Rap_Damage takes it upon himself to compile every list together and to add up the results to see what albums were the board's favorites. “Yankee Hotel Foxtrot” takes #1, with The Flaming Lips, Beck, Steve Earle, and Neko Case rounding out the top 5. The results are posted in a thread that earns less than 5 replies.
Ben and Issachar get into a big fight about the meaning of "rock" after discussing Greg and Jim's status as "rock" critics. Issachar said if they're not going to put rock albums in their top 20, then they shouldn't be called "rock" critics. Ben was pissed, challenging Issachar to come up with his own top 20. And when this happened, Ben went through the list with a fine-toothed comb, telling him, "The Flaming Lips are rock? You really believe that?" It was great fun to read.
December 26, 2002: Jenny Penny joins.

Various 2002: Damo's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" thread.
Cpl-593h gets drunk and is tempted to delete the Suggestion Forum.
Destro's headphones post (later? -raj).
The Et Cetera Forum is added.
A review forum is created, then eliminated some time in 2002 or 2003.
Scottpl defends ABBA in massive thread, the first great pop debate.
Little Jess mocks the Now Playing Thread with Photoshop. Samples: "Album No One Has Ever Heard Of," "Token Hip Hop Record".
Hickman makes his 3000th post, a SOMBie first. The post is preceded with much anticipation from the board and then describes Hickman’s experience at the Strokes concert at the Aragon with his son.
Freddie Freelance, Beansimpson, Benwelsh, harrisjon (El Corazon) and norton join at different points during the year.

January 2003: SOMB night at The Gingerman. The first copies of Get On The Bus are leaked. The Gingerman hosted at least two other get-togethers.

February 2003: Not deterred by his past list-compiling failure, Rap_Damage posts his "top 100 songs of 2002" list, a list of (then) unprecedented proportions that generates slightly more interest than previous efforts.

March 2003: “In March 2003, there was a SOMBie get-together at the Abbey Pub. A lot of the big-name SOMBies went. Jim and Greg did a show there and we watched it. I forget who the hell played. I met a bunch of the guys at the show. Some I saw and met there: MattW, By-Tor, felldownawell, whichonespink, coolrock, issachar, Hickman, Hoosierbuff, and a lot more. Somebody took a lot of pics. It was the first time people saw other SOMBies on the board. The funniest thing about it was the stir Dawn caused. Dawn kept telling people she was going to find board members she didn't like (ones who attacked her on the board) at the bar and tell them off to their faces. After the show, Dawn told everybody she was there, but she stayed upstairs and didn't want to cause a scene. Nobody believed her. Ask other SOMBies if you need more info. I drank a lot that night, so my memory is fuzzy on some of the details.” – Pookie/Limeinthecoconut
The Good Dr. Bill joins SOMB.

Early 2003: With the US invasion of Iraq just a month away, the SOMB attempts to invade the Pitchfork Media Smackdown board (PFMS). The operation is a disaster from the beginning, but somehow does not lead to a backlash from the PFMS. Later in the year, PFMS disbands; it later goes through several transitions and becomes Hipinion.
Klein does info cards on SOMBies based on GI Joe.

April 2003:
Little Jess' birthday photoshops also happened at about that time.
The acronym "SOMB" is first employed. "Sombies," created by cpl-593h, soon follows.
The second prosperous era ("The Golden Age" begins as members meet offline at concerts, parties, and other events. The queen of this period is Little Jess, but Bhickman, Skippy, Eric Maloney, Yellowgrrl, Lucky Luc, and By-Tor also formed the core of the 21+ SOMB clique. Younger SOMB members participate in these meet-ups, but never quite as regularly.
April 23, 2005 The second (third?) version of the board begins in late April. A hideous orange layout is quickly junked in favor of the modern light blues.

May 2003: Scott and DJDee wrestle over the definition of hip-hop.
Raj joins.

June 2003: By-Tor professes his love for someone on the board in his 1,000th post, the person remains nameless, but everyone obviously knows who it is. He re-professes his love two years later.

Mid-2003: The term "Asscobra" first appears on the board after Jim and Greg review a Turbonegro album amid much giggling.
Damo's "in the kitchen" thread.

August 2003: Bobandbob starts the TOP ALBUMS OF THE (decades) POLL. Many did not care for the results, although El Corazon probably enjoyed the lists. Under B&B's rules, "London Calling" won the best album of the '70s, "Murmur" won the '80s and there was a controversial thing as "Automatic For The People" and "OK Computer" may have both won the '90s or something.
Little Jess hosts a party attended by Whichoneispink, Skinnyhipsrivers, Skippy, By-Tor, Klein, Gordon and one or two others. Jess photoshops the event.

September 2003: Maiden Week coincides with the release of “Dance of Death,” Iron Maiden's most recent studio album. It lasts longer than a week, and was awesome.
Sombie Cookbook.
Rufus and Ben, as well as others, attend a Turbonegro show.

October 2003: A thread started by Scott Pl/Plan B on the Strokes' "Room On Fire" goes to marathon length.
Pavement Ist Rad and Zero As a Limit join SOMB.

Late 2003: DJ pans Revolver in the "My take on a classic rec: Visual presentation" thread, which almost destroys the board as the largest rockism struggle to date. Some time in 2004, Welsh finally locks the thread to stop it. Scottpl posts his "six rules" (later archived) that serve as an unofficial creed for the anti-rockists on the board. The rockism debate rages for much of the following year.

December 2003: William Tell goes on his second major thread tear (“In this thread we are unenthusiastic Nazis,” and so forth).
Jim DeRogatis and Greg Kot prepare their year-end best-of lists and once again ask listeners to submit their own on the message board. This time, the board expresses genuine interest in having their collective lists tabulated together to see what could come out on top. The Good Dr. Bill (yes/no? -raj) accepts this challenge and sends out blurb assignments to many list-makers. The final product was the SOMB Best Albums of 2003 list, posted ceremoniously in mid/late-December of the year, complete with album art and member reviews, and is even read on air by Sound Opinions producer Matt Spiegel in an episode airing in early January. The project is a surprising success, save for the lack of an album cover image to link to for M83's Dead Cities, Red Seas & Lost Ghosts on allmusic.com. The mysterious substitute cover posted on the board soon after somehow reverts/changes to a large photo of a penis after a day and is quickly removed. Radiohead's “Hail To The Thief” proves to be the winner by consensus, beating the follow-up albums from The Strokes and The White Stripes. Over the next two years, some members will regret this choice and declare it to be one of the worst moments in the history of the board.
December 2, 2003: This apparently confirms that the original Sulu "rant" (or at least part of it) took place on December 2, 2003.

Various 2003: "Don't Call Me Sam."
Damo's Hilary Duff thread.
Little Jess and Skippy set up the SOMB mix archive.
The Answer and Question Thread of 2003. The 1000 Songs Thread.
The "Fuck You Hickman" thread, which is started innocently by TJENZ, but grew into a barrage of the profane phrase where other members of the board join in, ending every post with "fuck you Hickman," regardless of the context, resulting in Hickman's co-workers laughing hysterically at him in one of the funniest threads in SOMB history.
Biggoofysmartass, Dear Strongbad (what is this? -raj)
Someone (I’ve been told who this was apparently but it was suggested I not post it unless they were cool with that, so whatever – raj) drives through the I-Pass lanes without paying. The board debates the ethics of I-Pass and paying tolls.
Band survivor. Radiohead fans are steaming mad when their favorite band is voted off in the first round. The Jamily keeps Pearl Jam in the running deep into the game. TJENZ, Tslow, and Abnormal rejoice.
Destro and Frankie Teardrop/Mutant Disco join.

Late 2003 / early 2004: The great Sickpup and Demon Cleaner vs. Scottpl and Damo rockism debates.
Gordon leaves the board.

January 2004: Troll activity peaks with the “I hate retards” thread in the first dark age of the SOMB. Simakos joins with "I may be a newbie, but I'm already tired of this Hickman guy." In a massive blowout, Hickman quits the board, then comes back several days later.
On Martin Luther King Jr. Day, boarder Neo-Beatnik states that MLK cheated on his wife, “as most black men are wont to do.”
Damo and William Tell display their black humor in the Cumspray thread, which runs through mid-year. Its final post before being archived and subsequently deleted from existence is dated July 24, 2004.
January 1, 2005: Hickman briefly goes on the Atkins diet. (According to Yellowgrrl - Hickman, feel free to interject if any of this abuse is undeserved! -raj)

February? 2004: Dawn quits the board after the "Newwaverdawn - what kind of crazy are we talkin'?" thread.

Spring 2004: Cpl-593h starts a quarterly singles thread. Midnite Vulture takes over by fall.
The SOMB Mystery Mix.
Geoneb rates his favorite posters in SOMB Madness.
Hickman (Yes? No? -raj) creates the SOMB chatroom on Soulseek and Raj asks people to put it on autojoin, sparking a few brief but mostly uneventful SOMB chats.
NCAA tournament.
Janine returns (Is this time period right, Janine? -raj).

May? 2004: Ben Welsh and Wakingrufus do the final Clampdown radio show. Guests in the show's history include Hickman, William Tell, I-C, Klein and Scott PL.

July 2004: Ben and cpl-593h/Sherriff Sam retire as moderators and Modjam takes over.
AceintheHole, Some Girl and Yancy join.
July 29 2004, 12:04 AM: SOMB moderator Jason debuts the 4th (5th?) incarnation of the message board. Among the changes, guests are no longer allowed to post. This leads to a brief but fierce debate about the worthiness of guests, as well as the name "Guests Rule, Registering Sucks" (which is little more than a historical oddity today).

August 2004: The “Some Girl: Why the avatar change?” thread.

September 2004: Old moderators are accused of tampering with PMs and/or being Jiggawoman. Words are exchanged, threads are deleted.
Saskadelphia and Simakos encourage people to check out a band called Arcade Fire.
Jenny Penny is quoted in the onion (or was it the reader or newcity or something? Was it like an events calendar? -raj). "Let's all get stoned, hang out under (stare at? -raj) the bean and listen to some Tortoise."

October 2004: After he is branded as a rockist in the national press, Jim DeRogatis takes the debate to the SOMB, where he spars with Ben Welsh for a few days before disappearing again.
The "Nine Songs Per Decade" thread.
"Remember the SOMB in 1985?" thread.
Some Girl starts two threads on SOMBies with bands. These eventually served as the foundation for the Plug One Forum.

November 2004: Little Jess is elected president of the board with Some Girl as VP. This doesn’t really go anywhere.
In the wake of the election Ben Welsh starts "Lovers, you must not be lazy," one of the first big y'all send the thing threads. Posting presages later Welsh/Good Dr. Bill disputes over thread relevance.
In a pre-show dinner with a hella large group of SOMBies the day after Thanksgiving, ElemenoPT announces to two members of the Arcade Fire: "Would you like to sit with us? We're from an internet message board, Sound Opinions."
Dr. Jimmy, Velocity Girl and Biggie McSmalls join.

December 2004: The Arcade Fire upsets Franz Ferdinand in the year-end albums poll; Usher, Franz and Modest Mouse lead the singles poll. Several months of inspired posts by Jerkass result in his submission of a best-of album list (which includes both Green Day and Juvenile) and his penning of a Green Day "American Idiot" blurb. He is later outed as a member of another message board. The lists grow from a fun poll into a full-fledged event. Once the results were revealed and the post-list discussion wound itself to a close, it was clear that the year-end lists had become the SOMB's raison d'ętre.
The year-end list and several other lists conducted in early 2005, along with the contributions of several freshman posters, breaths new life into the SOMB in the third prosperous era.
Slackmo and Complain join.

Various 2004: Hickman, Morgan and others win the "You're the Critic" contest and are punished/praised with photos/mockery.
Hickman assails “Marquee Moon” as overrated in an essay proposed for a similarly-themed book.
The "Bump n Grind" debates, ending with the Good Dr. Bill challenging Ben Welsh on 90s R&B knowledge and MV stepping in and winning by default.
The MS Paint album thread captures the minds of SOMBies young and old.
The first ever compilation of tunes by SOMB bands was released. It was initially started by Undo, who turned it over to Norton at some point. “SOMB Sounds Volume One” included songs by The Republicans (Pavement Ist Rad), Kiss n Ride (Matvonthies), Fabian's Children (I-C), Collectors (Maztrax), Gold Coast Refuse (tweed), The Unemployed, What Four (norton's son, charley scott and klunk), Riveria (dp_glono), Amber Smith (Binko), Captain Nobody, CopyrightQ, wakingrufus, psychosumo, Scopdom Scop (Sid Hartha). Volume Two is schedule to begin production next month.
Bobandbob attempts to make SOMB history by creating a 14-disc Intro To Jazz series, which falls mostly on deaf ears.

January 2005: The SOMB Top 500 Albums of All Time. The second all-time albums poll is initiated earlier in 2004 by St. Park, conducted by Lucky Luc in fall 2004 and completed by The Good Dr. Bill, with the results delayed until after the year-end lists were posted. This time around Radiohead nudges out the Clash for the top spot. More significantly, “Automatic For The People” does not make the top 5. Most members are content with these results, but several pages of arguments eventually pile up after a troll member accuses Radiohead of "aping" Pink Floyd.
The Good Dr. Bill starts a thread on his marathon viewings of old music videos and runs up a huge post count, later surpassing Hickman as the lead post holder and holding that #1 slot for a significant length of time for the first time in two or three years.
Drano/Sickpup tells the board to rate the other members of the board. In doing so, he offends many members by not including them ("If you didn't make the list, don't worry, it just means you don't merit inclusion"). Of the hundreds of members of the board, Drano rates a few dozen and gives high grades (over 6.5) to less than 20 members, including thebunk, Morgan, raj, whichonespink, The Good Dr. Bill, Nick, Bhickman, crease, undo, Plan B, and a few more.
The Best of 2004 Film poll was finalized in January, 2005. "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" takes the top spot in the first annual SOMB best film poll. Slackmo and Elemeno remain good friends despite a bitter feud over the merits of "Dogville."

February 2005: The SOMB Top 500, Pt. 2: The Singles. The first ever all-time best singles poll results are revealed in a top 500 countdown hosted by The Good Dr. Bill, complete with sleeve art images and YSIs. "Temptation," "Smells Like Teen Spirit," "Love Will Tear Us Apart," and "Bizarre Love Triangle" lead up to an unexpected number one choice: The Beach Boys' "Wouldn't It Be Nice” / “God Only Knows.” The thread proves to be one of the biggest and most popular in board history.
Several months of gradual incursion by posters from a frequently-crashing King’s X board bubbles over into xenophobic riots with the “Setting the Record Straight on King’s X” thread, currently still the third-biggest thread on the discussion board in total replies.
Ace starts the "Who killed classic rock?" thread, leading to a long, bitter pitched battle primarily between Ace and Raj. Pic spamming eventually kills it.
Mitchell Sterling and Undercooked Sausage join.
Demon Cleaner leaves the board.

March 2005: SOMBie Poker Night in Naperville. Bhickman and Slackmo duke it out with Bhickie taking the pot... Elemeno brags about the best pizza in the world, then burns said pizza while re-heating.
Solace joins.
SOMB Madness II.

April 2005: The Crutch inadvertently offends several lurking Metro staffers and (mostly) quits the board.
The box sets begin. Many are never seen again.
Skippy gets married; gay jokes persist.
SOMBie pro wrestling fans have a venue to discuss the sport after Midnite_Vulture starts "The Offical WWE Thread" on the day of Wrestlemania 21. It (temporarily) outpaces "The Offical MLB Thread."
Dr. Jimmy starts a thread on Sufjan Stevens’ “Illinois.”
April 1, 2005: Some Girl propositions board members as an April Fool’s joke. Results vary; five months later, some are still waiting for sex.

May 2005: LCD Soundsystem / MIA show.
Sex for coke.
An innocent thread turns into an all-out cat fight between Msholly and Some Girl before Msholly leaves the board, then later returns and the two make peace.
Yellowgrrl's "Adventures In Bikeriding" thread.
May 8, 2005: Lost In Pittsburgh dies in his sleep, marking the first known SOMBie death.

June 2005: The music video poll.
Montana starts an excessive number of Pink Floyd related threads, in the wake of the band's Live 8 performance.
“The Simpsons,” “Seinfeld,” “The Sopranos,” “Monty Python's Flying Circus,” “Six Feet Under,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “South Park,” “The Twilight Zone,” “The Office” and “Family Guy” are SOMBie's favorite 10 TV shows. Mitchell Sterling conducted the poll, which resulted in a list of 349 shows.

July 2005: Intonation Festival and Lollapalooza. Many SOMBies meet at both events.
The Creepy D group invades the SOMB and is met with hostile but then positive reactions, and assimilates into the board more seamlessly than previous nomadic tribes.
Steve Earle sells song to truck company, sending some portions of the board into a tailspin.
I-C creates a thread where You Send It links from other threads can be simulposted. The thread takes on a life of its own, including prominent leaks.

August 2005: After a quiet period Little Jess returns to regular posting with "Question for the Married Folks" and "Human Studies."
Andy Ant makes drunken posts which may or may not be passes at Ryan.
The Good Dr. Bill's top music videos list is completed. The top ten: 10 Nirvana Heart-Shaped Box Anton Corbijn / 9 Peter Gabriel Sledgehammer Stephen R. Johnson / 8 Bob Dylan Subterranean Homesick Blues D.A. Pennebaker / 7 Radiohead Paranoid Android Magnus Carlsson / 6 Johnny Cash Hurt Mark Romanek / 5 Radiohead Just Jamie Thraves / 4 The White Stripes Fell in Love With a Girl Michel Gondry / 3 Beastie Boys Sabotage Spike Jonze / 2 Weezer Buddy Holly Spike Jonze / 1 Blur Coffee & TV Hammer & Tongs

September 2005: Brad Owen innocently advertises a music trivia contest on the board. Extremely negative reactions by some parties and accusations from a few boarders on the morality of the contest convince organizers to reverse most of their "cheating is OK" policy. Jenny Penny wins, learns the importance of believing in herself.
Wakingrufus becomes a moderator.
Alkaline Drown finishes the Britpop list. The top ten: 10. Bittersweet Symphony – The Verve / 9. Wonderwall – Oasis / 8. Country House – Blur / 7. Born Slippy (NUXX) – Underworld / 6. Disco 2000 – Pulp / 5. Connection – Elastica / 4. Live Forever – Oasis / 3. Girls and Boys – Blur / 2. Alright – Supergrass / 1. Common People - Pulp
September 13, 2005: Raj starts the SOMB Timeline thread.

October 28, 2005: The Godfather is named as the SOMB's number one movie in the 499 best movies list, ending an epic seven-month countdown.
October 31, 2005: SOMB member Pavement Ist Rad releases his solo album about the alphabet.

November 1, 2005: The SOMB singles and album suggestion threads begin in anticipation of year-end voting.
An unusual Sound Opinions radio broadcast raises eyebrows among the SOMB massive as Jim and Greg appear to drop hints throughout the show that something is coming to an end.
November 2, 2005: Sound Opinions announces it will move to NPR in December, making the November 1 show its final broadcast on XRT after 354 shows over seven years on the adult rock station. The announcement, coincidentally paralleling the release of Disney’s “Chicken Little,” sets off several chains of panicked debate and worry concerning the future of the radio show and the message board. In the days following, lurkers and trolls unload a series of accusatory threads that mostly just confuse everyone.
November 8, 2005: A disclaimer about the content of the site goes up on the main page, causing about the same amount of consternation as the actual NPR announcement did. The board responds by starting over a half-dozen threads essentially all saying the same thing.
November 11, 2005: Sound Opinions announces it will begin podcasting; the first podcast features filmmaker Cameron Crowe.

December 2005: A new report feature is added, and the several notorious troll accounts are removed from the board.
Year-end polling unfolds with a series of twists and surprises. “Since You Been Gone,” “Black and White Town,” “Hounds of Love,” “Feel Good Inc.” and “Do You Want To” round out the top five singles. DYWT’s win by eight points – without a single #1 vote – generates a fair amount of debate.
In the albums poll, Sufjan Stevens cruises to an expected easy win, with Andrew Bird, Bloc Party, the New Pornographers and Wolf Parade rounding out the top five. But the album poll also had its share of surprises as artists like Fischerspooner, Tom Vek, Dungen, Rachel Stevens and Konono No. 1 placed high among the expected popular SOMB choices.
Demon Cleaner returns.

January 16, 2006: Server problems lead to a complete board crash and the loss of all data.
January 22, 2006: The 5th (6th?) version of the board is introduced.

Febuary, 2006: Pinkerton's "POST HERE AND I WILL RATE YOU" thread inspires a rare knock-off thread that works with raj's "POST HERE AND I WILL BERATE YOU" thread.
The Sadowski Incident.
Flaming Lips’ “At War With the Mystics” leaks to a decidedly mixed reaction.
The Grammys inspire a huge night-of discussion thread.
The 2005 movie poll ("Sin City" wins).
Many boarders make three-month name changes, which most soon regret.

March, 2006: Goneb hosts SOMB Madness III. Slackmo and The Good Dr Bill faced off in the final matchup, but were both defeated by Sausage To The Extreme.
Summer festival excitement begins to build.
“Got on a girl last night” puts board in a stir over the best bagel fixings.

May 20 - 22, 2006: Board goes offline for three days. A message from Jason explained the sudden crash: "The message board was hit with a virus/trojan/annoyance on Friday. I had to tear down the database and restore it. Before I could catch it, a bulk mail was sent out to everyone asking you to open a EXE file. The message was from my email address. DO NOT open that file. Sorry about the downtime."

Summer, 2006: Massive threads for Intonation, Pitchfork Festival, and Lollapalooza. More SOMB meetups at said events.
The Good Dr Bill hosts The 2006 SOMB World Series of Pop Culture. The field began with 35 contestants (though essentially 32, as three members never participated after volunteering for it) who squared off in the double-win/double-elimination round on a voluntary basis. From the round of sixteen on, single-elimination matches narrowed the field down to two finalists: Hero and Slackmo. As of October 2, 2006, the final match has yet to take place.

August 21 - 23, 2006: SOMB Simpsons characters thread.
August 24, 2006 (1:00 am - 1:12am): Andy Ant bumps 30 threads on the etc. forum in rapid succession with a picture of Rivers Cuomo. After what could be the shortest ban in SOMB history, she apologizes the following day amidst controversy.

September 3, 2006: Picnic at Little Jess's house.
September 15-17, 2006: The discussion forum becomes inundated with "vs." threads for an entire weekend, with aftershocks of varying copycat and parody polls continuing on for next several weeks.

Fall 2006: Adventures in Online Dating with Westermats
Pro wrestling/South Park/90s basketball players avatar fads.
Jess plays with photoshop
After being caught using several accounts and aliases and subsequently banned, Ace returns again as TPT/The Panty Thief and is actually welcomed back by the board.

Various 2006: Decade polls are held in the music discussion forum for 1950-1964 ("You Really Got Me"), '65-'74 ("Wouldn't It Be Nice" / "God Only Knows"/Revolver), '75-'84 ("Love Will Tear Us Apart" / "Those Days"/London Calling), and '85-'94 ("Bizarre Love Triangle"/Doolittle). '95-'04 results will be unveiled throughout October.
Film polls are held in the etc forum for pre-1950 ("Citizen Kane"), 1950-1969 ("Dr. Strangelove"), and 1970-1979 ("The Godfather: Part II") films. A 1980-1989 poll begins in early October, with a '90s film poll slated for early 2007.
The Best Simpsons Episode Poll is held. "Last Exit to Springfield" takes the #1 spot with "Marge Vs. The Monorail," "Cape Feare," "Homer At The Bat," and "You Only Move Twice" rounding out the top five.
"The killers new single" thread explodes to nearly 400 posts before Sam's Town is even released.
The SOMB (and the rest of the Internet) embraces Youtube.
The "2006 Leaked albums/U sent it thread" and "(you send it) your albums" rack up thousands of posts, drawing in dozens (hundreds?) of lurkers and new members.
Sickpup repeatedly attempts to start a grassroots movement for weighted ballots in the 2006 year-end polls.

#91 Hero



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Posted 10 October 2006 - 12:21 PM

MTV Video Music Awards Aug 31. 2006 Recap

The Best
Justin/Timbaland opening the show
Killers closing the show
Jack Black's soy bomb reference
Raconteurs as the house band
Hype Williams montage including Old School Busta & Missy
OK GO on treadmills

The Good
the crazy guy "6"
All American Rejects performance & their win
Chamillionaire winning
Beyonce performance
Shakira's booty
the Rock

The Bad
My Humps beating "Gold Digger" & "Stay Fly"
Jack Black's opening
Lil Kim who really didn't lose weight in prison and thinks we care
the annoyance of everyone last year praising Miami and this year everyone hating Miami
Sarah Silverman was unfunny
Avenged Sevenfold?

the WTF?!
Axl screaming
Shinoda giving his serious acceptance speech for Best Ringtone
John Norris's hair
Panic winning
Al Gore killing the mood w/ global warming

"the ladies have been checking me out lately.... could it be the 10 push-ups i've been cranking out every other Sunday? - Perhaps!" -Scrubs

Some people are a lot like slinkys... kinda useless, not really good for anything -but still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs

Posted Image

"After much thought into this, I have finally come to a conclusion as to why the ‘Meet the Spartans’ commercial is so funny:

It is an interesting choice to have Sanjaya sing ‘I’m not gay,’ as his final words on earth. As he is plummeting into a seemingly bottomless pit, he does not say ‘dear god no,’ ‘I love you mom,’ or even simply ‘argh.’ He instead takes the moment to reaffirm to the world, in spite of their doubts, that he is not a homosexual. Not only that, but he continues to sing, despite falling to his certain death. The distinct lack of plausibility of this situation is what produces giggles from our mouth. It is the antithesis to the belief that ‘it’s funny because it is true.’

#92 Slackmo


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Posted 12 October 2006 - 01:53 PM


1. the utter lack of humanity in the song, which leaves a lifeless shell of a vocal performance, that airbrushes out any feeling that may have been present in the original mix

"I value 'authentic' feeling and insist upon a rejection of 'artificiality' (a myopic term that i define as a byproduct of less-than-'organic' modern production methods) to create the 'natural'-sounding production of, say, older records that I myopically associate with 'real feeling.'"

2. not a single beat or lyric that suggests any thoughtfulness or creativity was involved in the creation of the song

"The primacy given to creativity is paramount. Thoughtfulness is of greater value than emotional outburst. This song has devalued both creativity and thoughtfulness in favor of other nefarious goals."

3. no distinct, memorable hook (which at least "all the things she said" had in its chorus)

"I have cotton stuffed in my ears."

4. it misses the point of being a good-but-inane pop song in that it is so preposterously repetitive that the rest of the song becomes irrelevant after twenty seconds

"I have apparently never listened to pop music before, and i only value pop music that i can disdain from a distance as not 'serious'."

5. the soft-verse/anthem-chorus/quiet-bridge structure makes it both unsuitable for dancing and for headbanging during traffic.

"I find the classic pop song structure hampers my commute and mirror-dancing sparkle motion routine."

Someone Still Loves You Pants McJickson

#93 Jess


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Posted 12 October 2006 - 05:18 PM

Damo and William Tell display their black humor in the Cumspray thread, which runs through mid-year. Its final post before being archived and subsequently deleted from existence is dated July 24, 2004.

Edit: Not completely deleted from existence cumspray

#94 velocity


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Posted 15 October 2006 - 01:39 PM

check out my edit to the first post in this thread

It's gone now.

So I know the final round of SOMB MADNESS was posted, but that doesn't do it justice. Here are just a few more key matchups:

Arctic Monkeys Region Round 1: 7. undo vs. 10. BennyHillsBalls

Posted Image

Maybe this is kind of a stretch for this thread. It's not traditional ambient music in any way, definitely no in the classic Eno/Aphex Twin vein, anyway. It's pretty much just all solo percussion with limited electronics on some of the tracks, sometimes very minimal in a way that reminds me of Stars of the Lid (don't know if it will do the same for anyone else, though). I think/hope that a few people who dig most of the other stuff in this thread will enjoy it... probably more than most Wilco fans are going to, inevitably.


i don't think hewlett or i are saying (and i don't want to speak for hewlett, but it seems we have similar tastes) that cross DOES it better, it's just that cross has better material. at least that's my opinion. if you listen to the oswalt album it's definitely not bad by any stretch; it's just not as good as david cross's stuff which it's very easy to relate it to.

undo, having backed into the tournament with a relatively low #7 seed, mans up for a tough first-round matchup and comes out firing. BennyHillsBalls respond (I'm not sure if that means they descend) with a little support for a friend's bonehead statement. (In this case, Hewlett's Daughter's assertion that Patton Oswalt cribs material from David Cross.) Like Guido The Killer Pimp, Patton wouldn't be a SOMB-household name if he didn't respect the "don't fuck with another man's livelihood" rule that governs comedians. BHB's defense is strong, but it's against a team that's not on the floor.

undo, in the meantime, puts on a display, basically raining 3's with a y'all send the thing of an unexpected title for the ambient faithful.

undo 93, BennyHillsBalls 88

#95 velocity


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Posted 15 October 2006 - 03:06 PM

[quote name='Slackmo' post='42425' date='Mar 14 2006, 05:31 AM']
Pink Floyd Region Round 1: 2. skinnyhipsrivers vs. 15. Phil

[quote name='skinnyhipsrivers' post='42218' date='Mar 13 2006, 06:38 PM']
don't forget fireworks...gotta have those blackcats

[quote name='Phil' post='42337' date='Mar 13 2006, 09:55 PM']
just a warning to all things that are thinking about leaking:
i'm now on spring break, and on dial-up.
So please dear god, (and I am talking to you The Streets) do not fucking leak now.

Look, we all heard Vitale say it on Sunday: there's no way skinnyhipsrivers should have been given a #2 seed. Usually when a team gets disrespected like that, they take it out on their first round opponent. Usually.

Phil, however, didn't get that memo. While their fellow students are off doing beer bongs, Phil's team is here in the tourney during Spring Break, showing the kind of dedication that wins ball games. In a crowd-pleasing flourish, he drops a lower-case "god" in the same sentence with the f-bomb. Nicely.

skinnyhipsrivers, in the end, promises fireworks but fails to deliver any, leading to a massive first-round upset.

Phil 84, skinnyhipsrivers 69

[quote name='NumberTenOx' post='42440' date='Mar 14 2006, 06:11 AM']
[quote name='Slackmo' post='42434' date='Mar 14 2006, 07:00 AM']
Arctic Monkeys Region Round 1: 4. NumberTenOx vs. 13. Tony
NumberTenOx, flummoxed that none of its fans showed up because they failed to realize that chairsmissing U. was still competitive, attempts to throw the game. But Tony's strategy backfires when all five starters receive double technical fouls in the first minute of play. NumberTenOx successfully bricks nine free throws, but accidentally makes the last one.

Asked about the technicals after the game, the refs would only reply, "there's gallows humor, and then there's really, really bad gallows humor."

NumberTenOx 1, Tony 0

Shit. I should know better than to drink before shooting freethrows. Tony, this one is for you, man!

[quote name='norton' post='42530' date='Mar 14 2006, 09:11 AM']
[quote name='Slackmo' post='42299' date='Mar 13 2006, 10:44 PM']
The Pink Floyd Region Play-In Game: norton vs. crease
norton flirts with elimination, flaunting a casual disregard for giving a song a chance--just 20 seconds? However, crease's lack of defense gets exposed with a lone smiley, offered for a dubious doppelganger stovich lesson on elevator etiquette.

norton plays his way into the matchup with The Goliath Dr Bill, defeating crease in a laugher.

norton 65, crease 50
I'm just going to take this game by game. I can't worry too much about the David/Goliath comparisons. The Good Dr. Bill is a tough opponant -- he sure does post-up a lot -- but I think I can stay with him. I just thank Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, for putting me in this situation and giving me the opportunity to show my God given talents.

[quote name='Slackmo' post='42694' date='Mar 14 2006, 11:34 AM']
Arctic Monkeys Region Round 1: 3. agrimorfee vs. 14. LBJ

[quote name='agrimorfee' post='42675' date='Mar 14 2006, 12:08 PM']
I love the tambourine breaks in The 4 Tops's "Reach Out (I'll Be There)", that pregnant pause before Levi Stubbs lets it all hang out in the chorus. One of the reasons the song made it to #2 on my Singles list.

[quote name='LBJ' post='40933' date='Mar 11 2006, 10:28 AM']
false. i am a Dulli fan, and this is a far cry from playing to his base.

this is an album for Arcade Fire fans -- people who like tryhard, faux indie. it's so transparently striving it's ridiculous.

I'll stick to the Black Is the Color... EP and Blackberry, thanks.

edit: i suppose this is a response to the savaging he got for Amber Headlights, which was, to be fair, way too lackadaisical. but certainly there's some middle ground between that and the overblown Powder Burns...

A classic confrontation between one man's "here's what I like about music" and another's "here's what I don't like about your tastes in music." There was a time, I suppose, when strident and well-written posts like LBJ's would win in a cakewalk. However, SOMB Madness '06 is a half-full proposition.

Regrettably, casual condescension no longer rules the tourney. The game has changed, and left LBJ behind. agrimorfee advances to the 32 on the pure love of the game.

agrimorfee 93, LBJ 82

[quote name='Slackmo' post='42707' date='Mar 14 2006, 11:55 AM']
Franz Ferdinand Region Round 1: 6. gimmick vs. 11. Undercooked Sausagė

[quote name='gimmick' post='42670' date='Mar 14 2006, 12:06 PM']
oops. That's right. It's two different bands. will correct, thanks.

[quote name='Undercooked Sausagė' post='41293' date='Mar 12 2006, 11:31 AM']
Posted Image

Sportsmanship is a beautiful thing. The ability to clock an opponent with a hard foul on the drive and then pick that opponent off the ground is, sadly, rare--as is gimmick's gesture of I-stand-correctedness. It's admirable.

But the ability to create on the fly counts for something too. Sometimes, a picture says a thousand words. In the case of The Artist Formerly Known As scarymuppet, a picture said exactly 7 words. In a surprising battle of economy of prose, Luc proves...well, unlucky.

The lesson here? Sportsmanship is lovely, but in the tourney you have to leave it all out on the floor--including the stiff you just planked on the other team. Come strong or don't come at all.

Undercooked Sausagė 68, gimmick 67

[quote name='Slackmo' post='43248' date='Mar 14 2006, 09:56 PM']
Franz Ferdinand Region Round 1: 4. Ben vs. 13. tweed

[quote name='Ben' post='43226' date='Mar 14 2006, 09:54 PM']
Posted Image

This guy:
Posted Image

HE GOT THE .....

Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image

[quote name='tweed' post='42674' date='Mar 14 2006, 12:08 PM']
Norton, you ignorant slut.

I explained in my post that the overexposure of the album's singles impacted my list. If I could pretend that I wasn't sick of hearing the title track and some of the others, they'd have been ranked higher.

But Born in the USA in his Top 25? I don't think I'd have ever agreed with that.

:P :D

Here's an interesting take: an iconoclast and a regular joe square off. The iconoclast makes a somewhat regular/expected post (the no whammies joke finally gets its obligatory due) and the regular joe serves up some iconoclastic rebellion against the Bruce Police. (And seriously, listening to people dogmatically prattle on about The Boss makes one thing clear: Montana shouldn't be such a regular punching bag. He's no Ace, and there are flagrant fouls that should be dealt to other folks.)

That being said, Ben takes things down to the wire by at least serving up the obligatory in an above and beyond manner, eschewing the simple breakaway dunk for the throw it off the glass and tomahawk it variety. But tweed somehow pulls this one out with a smattering of trash talk up front--because trash talk only works if you can back it up. tweed in a squeaker.

tweed 82, Ben 81

[quote name='NumberTenOx' post='43480' date='Mar 15 2006, 09:52 AM']
I dunno what's tougher-- the upsets, or Slackmo's compendium of sports cliches.

[quote name='Slackmo' post='44934' date='Mar 17 2006, 08:15 AM']
Arctic Monkeys Region Round 2: 7. undo vs. 2. Sausage To The Extreme

[quote name='undo' post='44587' date='Mar 16 2006, 03:20 PM']

Posted Image

[quote name='Sausage To The Extreme' post='44819' date='Mar 16 2006, 10:24 PM']
Posted Image


The second day of Round 2 action begins with a clash of the titans. Eschewing the disciplined play that got them here, this battle quickly devolves into a playground game, with both teams showing off their street skills. However, when you're in a streetfight, you don't want to be the one carrying the token white guy. Sausage To The Extreme proves why his cheerleaders all wear cornrows. Recognize.

Sausage To The Extreme 98, undo 93


[quote name='Slackmo' post='45028' date='Mar 17 2006, 09:59 AM']
Pink Floyd Region Round 2: 11. Undercooked Sausagė vs. 3. saskadelphia

[quote name='Undercooked Sausagė' post='43956' date='Mar 15 2006, 10:15 PM']

[quote name='Saskadelphia' post='44877' date='Mar 17 2006, 01:08 AM']
So sorry to hear that, tweed. As you know, I liked that album a lot, and it's a shame we won't be hearing any more, but it's smart of you guys to bow out if you're not 100% committed. Good luck on your future projects!

A side note: GCR had the best press kit of 2005, hands down.

Undercooked puts up a scary, muppet-like 22-point performance. Sask, on the other hand, not only comes at least marginally prepared to play, but serves notice on the rest of the field by taunting, "it's smart of you guys to bow out if you're not 100% committed." Indeed it is, as evidenced by the high number of virtual forfeits in this disappointing second round. O Canada, we stand on the edge of our seats for thee.

Saskadelphia 79, Undercooked Sausagė 22


[quote name='sin city' post='45042' date='Mar 17 2006, 10:11 AM']
[quote name='BertBertBertBertBertBertBertBert' post='45039' date='Mar 17 2006, 11:10 AM'] What a raping. [/quote]

C'mon, did you see the way he was dressed? He was asking for it...

#96 velocity


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Posted 15 October 2006 - 03:21 PM

Sufjan Stevens Region Round 2: 2. Alkaline Drown vs. 2. Slackmo

Most Serene Republic - Phages (Tour only EP)

Posted Image

I know there was at least a couple of you that dug the Arts & Crafts affiliated Most Serene Republic's debut album, Underwater Cinematographer, so I'm assuming someone might want to check this out. It's called an EP, but its almost more like a mini-album than anything else. Not sure if this will ever get some kind of full release, but it deserves to be heard. After the first listen I think it could even be better than Underwater.

1. Emergency Performance Art Piece
2. You're Not An Astronaut
3. Phages
4. Shopping Cart People
5. Jazz Ordinaire
6. Threehead
7. Anhoi Polloi
8. Stay Ups


SOMB ASSMADNESS Sir Mix-A-Lot Region Round 2: 1. wh1tep0ny vs. 13. Alkaline Drown

Come on, we all know slackmo can do better than a lazy salad tossing reference. I mean, come on, that is soooo Chris Rock circa 1998. Get with the times mang, gay references are all about the cowboys now.

[image deleted, sorry]

we had this on the old board time to revive it

[image deleted, sorry]

I know what some of you are going to say about this one: Why am I judging my own matchup in my own tournament? How can that be fair? Let's just say that between working on my parade float, cruising bus shelters, and renewing my subscription to American Grizzly I don't have a lot of free time on my hands. (Just a lot of lube.)

Yes, I know that my post above was a cheap attempt to Sausage a victory from Slackmo in the SOMB MADNESS tourney, and that I probably could've won on my regular posts alone, but it was a chance to share something with the SOMB community that I've held inside for too long: I love man ass. IS THAT SO WRONG?

Yes, we all expected wh1tep0ny to dominate this tourney, especially as he's the only one who's consistently posted in it. (or read it for that matter.) Still, let me summarize my evaluation of the two photos:

my guy in pink: I'D HIT IT!

that hoochie in the wh1tep0ny post: NOT WITH BEA ARTHUR'S DICK!

I feel cleansed now, and am going to comb the web (alright, I'll admit it--my hard drive) for more pictures like the one I won this round with.

Alkaline Drown 99. wh1tep0ny 2

Just wanted to put his post in the context it deserved.

(the results as decided by ghost-writing judge Sausage To The Extreme...)

Alkalinedrown and Slackmo, two teams that God himself envy, go head to head in a battle that will probably go down in history, well, probably not, but still, I think they're both great teams. What Alky lacks in D he's always made up by totally taking that rock to the end zone? but at what price?

Alky's always been known to have 'tude both on the street and on the court, but he appeared rather calm last night, as his team entered the United Center to their theme song: Shopping Cart People by The Most Serene Republic, handing out free copies of their latest EP to fans in the stands, it was very plain to see that the crowd was cheering him on and ecstatic to get free music, seemingly overlooking the fact that he had replaced his entire team with one enormously gay cowboy.

Slackmo's team, however entered the arena with little or no fanfare, unusually focused and ready to take Alky to school. Slackmo's offense was admittedly a bit crude and rude, causing his team more than it's fair share of penalties, but it didn't take too long for his team to score about four touchdowns in the third quarter by wedging the ball between their buttcheeks, bouncing their bottoms on the floor propelling themselves towards the hoop, and raining dunks throughout the entire game..

Meanwhile, Alkalinedrown was being cheered on by adoring fans, getting in four runs at a pivotal grand slam late in the eight inning. Slackmo responded by sending in at least four sumo wrestlers to replace most of his injured team after Alky and Slackmo's team regrettably began a bloody brawl on the court. Fists were thrown, asscheeks were pinched, and all was unpleasant in the jungle kingdom. Slackmo's quarterback saw this as his grand opening broke the backboard with his signature move: "The Slack Dunk."

Oh, but the game wasn't over yet, as Alky's team began hurling feces at Slackmo. Slackmo climbed inside a tank and ran over Alky and then the entire stadium exploded for no reason at all. Fatality

Slackmo 105, AlkalineDrown 91

#97 Mitchell


    dirty old man

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Posted 25 October 2006 - 03:10 PM

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Nice bowl of Crunchy Nut you got here, pretty expensive as I recall.

#98 Pookie



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Posted 28 October 2006 - 03:25 PM

Whichonespink's hooker story It's more of a prostitute story than a MILF story, but here it is: It was Christmas, 1991. I had just come home from my aunt's house and didn't feel like going to bed. I told my mom I was going out. "On Christmas night, John?" she inquired. Yes, on Christmas night. So, I drove from Beecher to Division Street, a street I knew very well. As many I'm sure know, there's a Jewel on Division Street. I parked across the street from it and started drinking a pint of peppermint schnapps. I only had four dollars in my pocket, so rather than spend it on one drink and a tip and just go home 10 minutes later, I thought I would relax and drink the pint in the car. Then, after I was feeling good, I would head into Mother's for a drink. As I was sitting in the car, a woman who looked to be about 35 years old saw me take a drink of my schnapps. She was black, had shoulder-length hair, and was do-able. She knocked on the window, and I rolled it down. She asked if she could come into the car and have a drink of my schnapps. I said yes. (She could have later pulled out a gun or knife, ordered me out of my car, and stole it, but thankfully, she didn't.) She took a drink, handed the bottle back to me, and said, "I want to suck your dick." I stared back at her in stunned silence. I knew she didn't want to do this for nothing. I replied, "That's great and all, but I only have four dollars." Now it was her turn to be stunned. "Are you serious?" she asked. "Well, I've got some change right here," I said, pointing to some coins in my cupholder. (I had a few quarters, plus the four dollars in my pocket. Would that be enough?) She sighed, weighing whether it was worth it or not. She then told me there was an alley behind Division Street. I drove to that alley and parked the car. Great things happened there. 20 minutes later, she told me to drop her off at a place four or five blocks West of the Jewel on Division. So, I did. I never made it into Mother's. I just drove back to Beecher, wearing a sharkish grin the whole way home.

#99 undo


    future thug

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Posted 30 October 2006 - 10:25 PM

Ace > No one. Raj vs. Ace battles were not good. Nothing involving Ace was ever any good, ever. The involvement of Ace automatically dropped the quality of a thread by like half (and another half for every post he made after the first). His being banned was the best thing that ever happened to this board. The words "Ace," "Miss," and "Glory Days" should never, ever be used in the same sentence. The day we start getting nostalgic for anything whatsoever about Ace = the day we pour a can of gasoline on the board and have us a SOOMB roast.

#100 WesterMats



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Posted 31 October 2006 - 09:22 AM

From Coolrock:

Billy Joel - "Piano Man"

faux-intelligent lyrics, a boring melody played over and over, and a mind-boggingly pretentious vocal delivery. It's kind of embarrassing to listen to this song.

Embarassing indeed, and yet somehow I always listen to at least a significant portion of this turd whenever I hear it; it's weird, like trying not to stare at some hideously disfigured person. That rhyme-within-the-line crapola (" he's talkin to Davy/ who's still in the Navy/ eatin biscuits'n gravy/ and his hair's kinda wavy"--{allright, maybe I threw in the last two lines})--hey, unless you are a really gifted lyricist, don't even go there. Bruce hasn't been back since the (also referenced) worst song he has ever written, "Blinded by the Light" with it's early burly whirlies and dumps-in-the-mumps adolescents pumping their way into they hat. (Well, at least it ain't my hat.)

Here's what really kills me about the Billy Joel song------ it's supposed to be an autobiographical memoir of his (many? two?) nights as a bar pianist, and yet he gives us this line:

"It's a pretty good crowd/ for a Saturday"

Pretty good crowd for a Saturday? Where the fuck is this bar, in an Orthodox Jewish temple?

I also love this line, the cringe-o-meter pinned in the red as Billy ascends into some Ethel Merman-esque vocal histrionics:

"..and they sit at the bar/ and put bread in my jar!"

Looooove it.
Billy: " Hey, who the fuck stuck this pumpernickel in here? I want whole wheat, you fucking sub-humans!"

As they say in the San Fernando Valley, anywaaays---

I was torn on my most loathed song, having just heard that idiotic Chicago (CTA, at the time, I believe) song that starts off with some poignant DePaul Dorm Dialogue between the two hippie-wannabe vocalists, and ends with " we can change the world now!". Can't recall the title, but I'm sure it's one of those pretentious titles that having nothing to do with the lyric content.

Winner, however, was by those Berwyn greasers-turned multi-platinum coke vaccuums, Styx. ( The "n" is silent.):

"Come Sail Away"

Yikes. This song is so awful it's frightening. For starters, it is already in violation of Coolrock Municipal Music Code #6969; i.e., all songs about "sailing" inherently suck donkey dick. (Exception:Procol Harum's " Salty Dog" and randy Newman's "Sail Away"). But coupled with Dennis de Young's ridiculous vocals (another rock singer, apparently, in awe of Ms. Ethel Merman), a lyric that was likely inspired by huffing gasoline:
" On board I'm the captain/ so climb aboard"

fuck that--how bout this slight revision:
" On board I'm the captain/ so I'm the captain." ??

plays better, I think.

Just when you think it can't get any more embarassing, then comes that Coors-commercial-inspired "synthesizer breakdown". Bwaaah ha ha haa!!!!

Wanna win the war on terror through torture? Forget Guantanomo. Make them wear Tommy Shaw wigs and listen to this song over and over again.

"I forgot my one line, so I just said what I felt"
--Paul Westerberg

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