You'll be approached by vendors trying to sell you newspaper subscriptions, and then taunted and insulted if you turn down the offer. Naturally they'll try to sweeten the deal by shoving a free pencil in your face and then acting shocked if you turn down their generosity. And don't try saying "no thanks." They'll just say "why" or "you mean you don't want a free vacation to New Orleans?" Be especially careful if you're with someone else. They'll go straight for your girl and act like you're not there, unless you try to turn them down. Then they'll flat out accuse you of being a cheap bastard, thereby attempting to put your ability to provide for your girl (and your manhood) in question.
Asshole called us out when we were 50 feet away, aiming a fucking pencil in our faces like it was a magic wand or something. Probably thought he was casting a spell on us. Nothing more pathetic than a failed salesman.
Warning to shoppers at Jewel
Started by
Mantana
, Feb 11 2007 05:16 PM
31 replies to this topic
#2
The Gooch
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Hipster
Posted 11 February 2007 - 05:42 PM
I don't know.........not sure I can turn down a free pencil. Especially if it's a #2.
#3
Hewletts Daughter
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SING! CAPTAIN!
Posted 11 February 2007 - 05:48 PM
#2 is #1
I've got dials and knobs soft to the touch
#4
Mantana
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Hipster
Posted 11 February 2007 - 05:50 PM
I wanted to cram it up his ass. Literally.
#5
worrywort
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Hipster
Posted 11 February 2007 - 05:55 PM
#2 meet #2I wanted to cram it up his ass. Literally.
#6
no magnets
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Hipster
Posted 11 February 2007 - 06:08 PM
which jewel? i was just at the one on lincoln ten minutes ago and saw no such activity.
#7
yancy
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Golden God
Posted 11 February 2007 - 06:13 PM
I'm sure Jewel is not down with such activity.They prolly ran those dudes off the lot in short order.
#8
Andyroo
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Hipster
Posted 11 February 2007 - 06:16 PM
Yeah, that doesn't sound very Jewel-like.
But I usually go to Jewel after midnight, thus avoiding such complications.
#9
Ѡ҈҉Ѡ҈҉Ѡ҈҉Ѡ҈҉Ѡ҈҉Ѡ҈҉Ѡ҈҉Ѡ҈҉Ѡ҈҉Ѡ
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Rockist
Posted 11 February 2007 - 06:23 PM
grab the pencil and ride away on your tricycle, yelling "I DON'T PAY FOR NOTHING!"
Aren't there any girls out their who like good music? I need to and want to meet them. My favorite bands are Overkill River, The Nife, Songs:Ohio, and Nuetral Milk Hotel. Please let me know if your into indy music and like to go to show's and drink beer's and makeout.
#10
Mantana
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Hipster
Posted 11 February 2007 - 06:48 PM
This wasn't no dude with a suitcase, sneaking up on people. This bastard had a table set up, and balloons.I'm sure Jewel is not down with such activity.They prolly ran those dudes off the lot in short order.
#12
red
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bored
Posted 11 February 2007 - 06:52 PM
I know exactly what you are talking about, but I find it strange that they would behave this way. I've received many a pad of paper or pencils and things from these guys, but they've never gone crazy when I politely refused their offer. weird indeed.
This wasn't no dude with a suitcase, sneaking up on people. This bastard had a table set up, and balloons.
I'm sure Jewel is not down with such activity.They prolly ran those dudes off the lot in short order.
Red is right
#13
Mantana
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Hipster
Posted 11 February 2007 - 10:30 PM
I was just like "no thanks" and he was like "oh, you don't want to win a free vacation?" I just said "sorry, I can't right now." Then he looked shocked and said "Oh really? What happened?" Like I must have fallen on some really hard times to not be able to take advantage of his fucking fantastic offer or something.
At this point I should have looked him in the eyes and said "wow, that took some big balls to say to my face" but instead I was just like "uh, nothing, I'm sorry" and sulked away. Damn.
That's the spirit of the staircase, I guess.
#15
Agrimorfee
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If you don't like it, IMPROVE IT.
Posted 12 February 2007 - 09:10 AM
I am guessing it was the Tribune. They constantly have sales drives like that in major grocery stores and events like The Taste. Annoying. Chadwick's guy must have been desperate to meet his quota.
"Is everyone on here just an act sometimes?"--Hummingbird
Read all of my stupid song parodies here. Latest song improved/ruined: "Once Again" by Girl Talk.
Listen to my stupid song parodies, recorded a capella via cell phone, at vocalo.org .(search 'agrimorfee')
Read the slowly developing history of classic putative rock band The Anderson Council at my cheap, bland blog
Might as well throw my Last.fm page here, too.
Read all of my stupid song parodies here. Latest song improved/ruined: "Once Again" by Girl Talk.
Listen to my stupid song parodies, recorded a capella via cell phone, at vocalo.org .(search 'agrimorfee')
Read the slowly developing history of classic putative rock band The Anderson Council at my cheap, bland blog
Might as well throw my Last.fm page here, too.
#16
Alky 2009
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lover's rock
Posted 12 February 2007 - 10:23 AM
This reminds me of those college kids you'll occasionally run into outside of malls and Best Buys that are trying to sell magazine subscriptions so they can win a trip to Jamaica or wherethefuckever. They are uber-annoying and just will not leave you alone.
#18
Complain
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Hipster
Posted 12 February 2007 - 01:14 PM
Now her, I'd give my pencil.
All my life i wanted to be black.
Until i saw your picture, now i wanna be you.
_________________________________________________________________________
http://www.myspace.com/hipbyproxy
#19
RadioHitchcock
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Hipster
Posted 12 February 2007 - 01:17 PM
i got a free Bears shirt out of it once...and one newspaper delivered to my door during the entire subscription...never again
Sorry, I was being pretentious. Please don't mess with my stars.
#20
dice
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Hipster
Posted 12 February 2007 - 01:21 PM
oh, man. sold
This wasn't no dude with a suitcase, sneaking up on people. This bastard had a table set up, and balloons.
I'm sure Jewel is not down with such activity.They prolly ran those dudes off the lot in short order.
seriously though, the actual salesperson probably went to take a shit and some imposter with a fake beard just started doing whatever the fuck he wanted. that's what i would've done, anyway
super seriously, though, you gotta take the pencil. that way, every time he opens his mouth after your initial decline you can quickly pop a balloon
in reality, i'd just use ARM (arbitrary response methodology):
"excuse me sir, can i interest you in..."
"chocolate mousse?!?!?!"
"pardon me, sir. we're offering a free trial subscription. would you be interested?"
"my grandmother passed away in 1995"
you can scamper away during the long pause
