The better man did not advance.

Dunno where Slack is but I'm gonna try and finish my round today

JAY FERGUSON REGION, Round3: 19. norton vs 6. undo








"Alright, we've all just seen the film "Norton Vs. Undo". How many people didn't like the film? Didn't like the film, or just didn't care for it? By show of hands, one-two-three-four-five-six-seven, so all! All didn't like the film. Okay.

How many people did like the film? They liked the film? DJ, you didn't like the film, and now you have your hand about halfway up, so maybe you liked the film a little bit? Would that be correct? Okay, we'll get back to that.

Okay, what about the film didn't you like? The film we just saw, "Norton Vs. Undo". What was it about you didn't like, or didn't care for? Say, the plot? Or... yes, bleach?

The plot, bleach didn't like the plot. How many other people didn't like the plot? By show of hands, one-two-three-four-five-six-seven, so, we all didn't like the plot. Why? Why didn't we like the plot? What was it about that we didn't like? Red, why didn't you like the plot?

Ah, you thought it was too short! Okay. What were your favorite characters from the film? If you had one favorite character, who would that character be? The film you just saw, "Norton Vs. Undo", a favorite character such as Norton? Uh... DJ, yes?

DJ liked Undo. How many other people liked Undo? By show of hands, one-two-three, okay, three people liked Undo, alright. How many people have an allergic reaction to ballroom dancing? Allergic reaction or...

A mild reaction to ballroom dancing? So, theramin, would this keep you from recommending this film to a friend? Yes, it would, yes it would. Because you don't like ballroom dancing. You wouldn't wanna see ballroom dancing in a movie. Okay.

Uh-kay, guys, we've got a lot got a lot of work to do, we had sixty eight percent walk outs, we have to get those numbers down. Also, seventy four percent of the audience didn't like the character of Cruella De Vil, and even though the character wasn't in the movie, we have to change those numbers."

Undo 55 Norton 54

JAY FERGUSON REGION, Round3: 2. throwsome(blah blah whatever the fuck his name is now)dj vs 26. john the cool kid








When you first enter the room, you may be wondering who the fuck is this guy, who used to be the incorrigible djdee. You may even be saying to yourself, I don’t care how many jobs this rambler has rambled in on, I don’t care how many arguments he’s won by smashing in someone’s nose with the butt of his youthful indignation, this fucker is getting on my fucking nerves, and as far as I’m concerned, he’ll never be Mr. Black, he’ll be Mr. Pink for all fucking eternity as far as I’m concerned. He makes me yell so goddamn much, I can barely talk. But then you settle in, and you realize that the deej is a serious Lee Marvin fan, and he’s got the bite to go with his bark. Suddenly you hear dj say to ‘nice-guy john’, “Did you forget your fries to go with your drink?” and then before this kbilly cool kid of the seventies, can even pick himself up off the floor, the old djdee has already glued john’s dick to his belly. The coolkid is furious: “Dick- dick- dick- dick- dick- dick- dick- dick- dick- dick- dick- dick!” is all he can say, as he eventually succumbs to the gunshot wounds. Dj then picks up the diamonds in his offhand irony, and scurries out the door

Props to the kid for mentioning souvlaki but frankly, that is the only part of his post that I even comprehend. And I'm not even sure how delicious skewered meat fits in that context.

clearly, no one is even trying anymore. like a movie that should have ended 18 minutes ago this thread has bored the audience and the actors. someone call Thelma Schoonmaker


DJ: 2 the kid: 1

Racist.

What, in the hell, are you blathering on about?

My boarding as of late has been very much in the spirit of this thread. I can only assume that's why I'm still around in this.

Why does no one get my references?

ok commercial break is over

Agreed. Lightning round time. Good luck, remaining competitors.

Wow, May--er, I mean, March Madness isn't over yet? Damn.

Have we reached the end of the golden era of board megathreads? We haven't sustained a single one that hasn't descended into chaos, bitching, or complete atrophy for more than a year now.

This shit's STILL going?

I got 2-1 odds that it will outlast the NBA playoffs.

Slackmo I love you, but you're bringing me down.

the SOMB Royal Rumble begins now.



A new contestant will randomly be drawn at various intervals, and contestants are only eliminated when they have been thrown completely from the ring. The only stipulation on ring entry being that all remaining players who have yet to win their 3rd round matchup (pool 1) must be called before any contestant who has already advanced that far (pool 2).

Pool 1:
Undercooked Sausage
Freddie Freelance
girlwithaspirin
held
cerebral caustic
Vivian Darkbloom
Bob Loblaw
Alan
kmac*
dice
elastico
simakos
complain

Pool 2:
shampoosuicide
diesel
binko
efrim
duff
coolrock
UselessRocker
undo
throwsomedeej

*kmac – thrillho/aneg’s departure from the board in order to avoid facing me in round 3 does not grant me automatic entry into pool 2

The 5-post rule from which any judge may draw your entry still applies. Once you’re in the ring you had better keep up your quality output or risk being tossed through the Spanish announcer’s table.

Stay tuned to find out:
Who survives the longest within the squared circle?
Which SOMBie eliminates the most opponents?
Will any lesser SOMBies team up to lift heavily favored higher seeded opponents out of contention?
Also at stake…the SOMB Women’s Championship Title Belt – awarded to the female SOMBie who advances farthest in the Royal Rumble. Only 2 remaining contenders…girlwithaspirin & Vivian Darkbloom.

Board hard & without abandon. I think I hear someone’s theme music being cued right now…

ha ha what the fuck is this shit.

Game On!

Wait, so I don't get to write these anymore?

Not cool.

scene:
our dark arena is filled with rabid fans, hungry for action and thirsty for blood. lights suddenly illuminate the ring, nearly blinding the figure standing alone in the middle of it. michael buffer reaches skyward and grabs a hold of the hanging microphone. Fueled by beer and mounting anticipation, our audience hangs on his every word. Some even mouth his traditional call to themselves...

To the thousands in attendance, and the MILLIONS watching around THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

high above the action, a lone figure stands in the rafters, hidden to the mayhem beneath.

before our beloved ring announcer can finish his call to action, cerebralcaustic centers himself directly above the figure below. he has played this scene out in his mind over and over. you have one chance to make a first impression. CC climbs into his Tanooki suit and steps off the railing. A speeding figure appears to our audience for a split second before the loud BOOM!!!!! as he lands in the center of the mat. Before the smoke can clear the crowd gasps and fears for the worst, "has another wrestler suffered the same horrible fate as Owen Hart?!"

The dust settles to reveal the remains of michael buffer scattered at the feet of an invulnerable statue. Cerebral Caustic waits for his first opponent in the SOMB Royal Rumble.

Starting this off classy I see. Thread once again has promise.

She's a man, baby! Gimme my belt! In fact, gimme gimme now. I'll strap it on so's to protect my fragile girl bits in the rumble, yo.

This is a cool idea, but start a new thread. I'm not done, just busy.

boo.

start a new thread 4 srs though, could be fun.

Hey! WTF? Get back to entertaining me already. (Yes, I am a little drunk.)

Seriously, though--I'd actually volunteer to judge matches or some shit if it would revive this thing at this point. Not that anyone really wants that.

All I was waiting for was raumschwein to ask. Here we go, bitches.

Yeah, I had a feeling that was it.

Sweet. (Yeah, still drunk.)

When we last left our debacle...


SUFJAN STEVENS REGION

Third Round Matchups:

1 Undercooked Sausage.............................sausage 88, Freedie Freelance 67
9 Freddie Freelance

21 girlwithaspirin
13 held .............................held 52, girlwithaspirin 48

14 Jess
11 shampoosuicide.............................shampoosuicide 300, Jess 0

26 cerebralcaustic
18 Vivian Darkbloom .............................Vivian somber trainwreck, cerebralcaustic morose disaster



DON HENLEY REGION

Third Round Matchups:


32 Diesel ........................Diesel 78 Mr. Sinistro 67
24 Mr. Sinistro

28 Binko..........................Binko 67, Biggie McSmalls 55
4 Biggie McSmalls

19 Efrim...........................Efrim 67 Castana 62
22 castana

7 Duff.............................Duff. 67 Beansimpson 63
18 beansimpson



JAY FERGUSON REGION

Third Round Matchups:

1 coolrock........................................Coolrock: 1000 Marlon Brando: -10
8 Marlon Brando

21 UselessRocker..............................Useless Rocker: 85 Jigga: sixti fore
13 Jigga

19 norton
6 undo............................................Undo 55, Norton 54

26 john the cool kid
2 throwsomedeej.............................DJ: 2 the kid: 1



ANDREW GOLD REGION

Third Round Matchups:


17 Bob Loblaw
8 Alan

5 kmac .............................kmac 65, forgo 22
4 thrillho

19 dice
6 elastico.............................elastico 43, dice 41

7 simakos.............................simakos 57, Complain 32
15 Complain

this is getting good

If Slacky spent as much time on this as he did trying to think up a clever WSOPC team name....

i cant believe you fucks never finished this.

we were waiting for you

nah dude. jess did my region (jay ferguson). my work has been done.

"I coulda' been a contender!!!"

this needs to happen

is dice Senor Cardgage? I'm ready.

Nah, dice is still dice.

oh

I guess I'm still ready

Never seen somebody so eager for a beatin'

Andrew Gold Region Round Three: 19. dice vs. 6. elastico





Well, as they say, no one expects the Spanish Inquisition, least of all these two palookas, who stumble back into the cage match like [spoiler]a metaphor I can't use here, as I find nothing humorous about the situation[/spoiler].

In a couple of his 10 most recent posts, elastico attempts to bait the referee, and there are allegations that he may be taking a dive, as he's slagging Elvis Costello in a manner that could only be construed as an invitation to pain. As John Stewart said last night [spoiler]of an avowed reprobate who will remain nameless, as I find nothing humorous about the situation[/spoiler], I'd like to cover him in liver and let the dogs see if he's as fast and elusive as everyone says he is.

dice is similarly unaware that he is embroiled in a melee of sorts, and has clearly brought a series of sporks to a gunfight, as it were. Not surprisingly, as it's one of the key developments in all-time SOMB lore, the GDB's storied run through the vh1 World Series of The Only Show We Air That Doesn't Feature Flavor Flav Except For When We Ask Questions About Flavor Flav provides the fodder for what might be termed the least boring post either player had to offer.

I'm not sure if elastico's headlong dive into the dicey (no relation) gutter of double negatives was even technically a sentence, but it was not about to didn't not matter. It's not so much what he didn't manage to not quite say, it was the stridency of his point that seemed to matter. dice, in the meantime, makes a strong case by being casually dismissive of yancy, always a favorite with the judges, but somehow manages to miss the goomba-sized opportunity of making a pop culture reference about his cable going black at a key moment, in a post referencing a pop culture show. and that's just not the opposite of unforgivable.

Go home, smell ya later.

Meatwad 43, dice 41

that was not not not not not not a nailbiter right there

i too, did all my matches that was required of me and will refuse to take the heat for any of the delay of this colossal sandwich of a monstrosity.

way to rag on it as it's happening, Jess

Slackmo, you know you're my big middle-aged baby still, but I claim non-involvement in the SOMB MADNNESS 2007 massacre.

Dude, go back a while and see who fell on the sword repeatedly when you were AWOL.

Sufjan Stevens Region Round Three: 21. girlwithaspirin vs. 13. held






In this matchup, we consider the question of what really constitutes a difficulty in life. On the one hand, is it the spectre of gang warfare when your school takes you into the heart of the city, far from your suburban comfort zone? Or is it the menace of watered-down margaritas?

On the one hand, held should lose for having "their siblings were killed in gang violence" and "whole deal was a joke really" in the same paragraph, but I don't think that's exactly what he meant. On the other hand, I just heard elastico extolling the virtues of free donut day because it's 65 cents he wouldn't have to spend otherwise. Kinda hard to listen to someone complaining that their $14 pitcher of margaritas didn't give them a hangover. Protest, my ass.


held 52, girlwithaspirin 48

Alright, in with the assist to get Aspirin out of there.