I'm really interesed how people meet people. Do you specifialyl join clubs and organizations? School, religious organizations?

Do you go to events yourself and start talking to strangers.

I understand over 70% of people marry a friend of a friend, so do you meet new people through your friends?

What advice do you have about expanding your social network


Thanks y'all

/psych major
//yeah, a little lonely this friday night

Get out from in front of your computer and grind up on your friend's friends. Does wonders for your social network

I recommend a website called MySpace. You'd think it's astronomy related based on the name, but it's actually more like Match.com for poor people. Plus there's music. Highly recommended.

Yancy, you silly goose.

Dear George:—
Remember no man is a failure who has friends.
Thanks for the wings!
Love
Clarence.

why the fuck are you asking people who are on the internet on Friday night?

Just talk to alot of people and be humorous and enthusiastic, but not drunk and disheveled. A tan and being fit will also score you more friends with a flare of superficialness.

when I was out in Yellowstone and Glacier for two months, I chatted it up with a ton of complete strangers and made friends I still correspond with. Just smile alot. You can win total strangers over within seconds if you are good enough. I met a couple from Chicago who apparently thought I was a Yellowstone Park expert because of my camera setup. They offered to take me out to dinner and wanted photos taken - all because I was a cheerful lad who told them some information in a cheerful manner and was complimentary (I told them where to see bears and they saw them).

Then there was the college art class from WSU staying in the campground I was in(NE corner of the park). I was approached by six female students who asked what I was doing with a tripod. I smiled, was polite and told them. This struck up an interesting conversation. I get back two hours later from filming/fishing and one of the women comes up and tells me they would like me to join them for dinner because theysaw me cooking and though it looked like a terrible dinner (they were probably right). I just needed to get "some sticks" for my food. These women ended up cooking these sourdough bread things you would place on a stick over a fire, then undo the bread , cook a sausage, then put the sausage in the bread. It was pretty good. They offered whiskey and rum as well. It beat the hell out of the rice/nacho cheese/canned chicken dinner I was 5 minutes into making. It was a really fun night except for the dirty looks given to me the entire time by the three male students. Real great guys, lol. I had a great time trying to entertain these female students as they got ripped on the beverages. If you have any kind of a sense of humor, and you time it right, you can string people along for an evening. But it's all down to the timing. By the time the campfire died down, one of the students was pretty forward with me and well..you know. It was tempting I have to say. Being camped in the woods and all that fresh air, it does alot.... I hadn't seen the gf in a couple weeks since Glacier. But I had to tell her I had a gf, and that was pretty much that. I had to call it a night. It was definitely one of those dream scenarios though. Doing the right thing and being respectful to those you care about is more important than getting your rocks off. People can pick that up about you...a sense of self respect , respect for others and enthusiasm.


Then there was the ranger who offered me a free place to stay anytime I was near the park. He was the bear naturalist, and he and his wife owned a nice cabin just outside of the park. We became friends because of humor and a few things in common.

I think it's important to actually listen when people you respect (or whom you want to respect you or be friends with) are talking to you. Make solid eye contact. Actually listen to their points and respond with a comment that addresses at least one of the things they previously said(even if you are bored by it). This shows that you listened and have interest in what they said, at least partially. This is respectful and you will gain trust and a bond. Don't be one of those people that just waits for the other person to finish talking so you can start in with self centered ramblings (which some might call parts of this post, lol). No one really likes these kinds of people that do this all the time. If you are one of them, you will have a much harder time making real friends.

Of course, there are always the people you don't want to become friends with. I was driving down the mountain and these asshats were riding my ass in an Escalade(about 4 feet from my bumper) in a very dangerous fashion. I slowed down to about 10 MPH, then stopped the car altogether. I got out and walked up to their window, which was down. It was some old man and his wife. And I berated them as loudly as possible.

I almost look at it as a challenge or a game. I guess I should be a politician. But this "game" can have real, sincere benefits. Just a means to an end. Lifelong bonds can be formed, gained confidence will put you in more situations that you want to be in (women, career, etc).






Because thy are the ones at home with their husbands, wives and girlfriends.

Try going to a somb night out if they have another one. That is, if you like sombies.

Did strike up some new friendships a couple of years ago by running into the same few hardcore fans of a particular band a dozen times over a period of months. We've gone to another couple dozen shows since then, hung out, etc., & that's been fun. You could prolly do the same thing via myspace. Do it asap, because the older you get the harder it is to really bond with people--they've got established routines & it's hard to rearrange that. If you're going to school, it sounds like you should get with the radio station.

hey babe, come post on TEH SOMB with me! LOL

take a class in something, like pottery or seamstressing or something real.

Go to cancer support groups and realize that you don't have it bad compared to them.

If you're in college:

visit friends at other schools. This is the best way to expand your social life, but it really only works if you live in a student-saturated area.
keep in touch with your friends who graduate and visit them a lot if they're near by
Also, facebook. It's lame, but really.
Otherwise, volunteering and parties.

Thanks everyone, and keep the responses coming, because I think its helping more than myself.

Anyway, I thought I'd just say I am very involved with school, being a CA (commuity advisor) and stuff, and sometimes those responsibilities prevent me from hanging out with my residents, but I have built a lot of bonds with people in this way.
In fact, I do actively seek out situtations: I am part of a few clubs, I try to meet new people in a lot of different ways.

I guess my only downfall is that I have a hard time meeting new people by just being on my own. I mean, I have gotten a lot better at it.

I agree that keeping in touch is fundamental.

Montana great piece of writing, and others writings were equally important thus far.

/would be interested in meeting some sombies, on a sombies night out party.

Thanks everyone, and keep the responses coming, because I think its helping more than myself.

Anyway, I thought I'd just say I am very involved with school, being a CA (commuity advisor) and stuff, and sometimes those responsibilities prevent me from hanging out with my residents, but I have built a lot of bonds with people in this way.
In fact, I do actively seek out situtations: I am part of a few clubs, I try to meet new people in a lot of different ways.

I guess my only downfall is that I have a hard time meeting new people by just being on my own. I mean, I have gotten a lot better at it.

I agree that keeping in touch is fundamental.

Montana great piece of writing, and others writings were equally important thus far.

/would be interested in meeting some sombies, on a sombies night out party.

in all honesty, just talk to someone you see semi-regularly. find something that they might find funny, with out coming across as a weirdo/stalker. usually you will get a rise (boner) out of them and they will, in turn, say something back. stupid little conversations can lead into great friendships and despite that sounding tacky or cheesy, its pretty true.

Yes. And something in common makes it 100x easier to meet friends. If you like art, go to the art museum and strike up a few conversations. Join some art discussion groups, etc.

If you like dog shows, go to a few and chat up. It also helps with your enthusiam/friendly vibe because you are at place you want to be.

i need friends too. i've lived in chicago for almost two years now, and i haven't made any friends. i don't go to school, and everyone at work is either twice my age, or find me strange because i don't go to da club on the weekend. i don't know, i'm just very anti-social, and picky about who i fraternize with. i wish for good friendships for everyone here.

Ya know, this thread went from hilarity to sorrow too damn fast.

I say, just have alot of $$$ and a big bag o' weed and you will always have friends. Also, it helps if you hate shitty music like Radiohead, you can bond with people who are non-whiners and have fun with life.

Also huge lolrz to Montana for his intensive reply that I read 8 words of.

Best way to meet people? Join a band or work w/stalk a good band.

Hit up some RAWK SHOWZ and hang out with us. Actually, that's bad advice.

where the weed at?



i'd love to. i think you're on my wii yancy. if the mii that sausage made was indeed you, then you're on my system as well.

I was actually going to ask something similar but worried I'd sound pathetic

My whole life I've always had 5-10 really good friends instead of being someone who has like 100 contacts that they see occassionaly and are always partying with someone different each weekend.

I just moved to Reno after 33 years in Sacramento and know no one. 90% of the peeps at my job speak Spanish of Philapino and are either young or old. Of the 2 people I have the most in common one has a clingy gf and never gets guy time and the other is very secretive about his free time. ( I suspect he's in the closet )

So how does an adult married man make friends with other dudes without seeming like a fucking weirdo loser.

Yeah, so, coming off the tail end of like 9 months in a place that I entered knowing absolutely no one, and in a fairly similar working situation. I can say that the best thing you can do for yourself is to be less picky.

I.E. There was this one chick I work with who I was all like "man despite your hotness you're really lame and I have little to no interest in hanging out with you ever", but she was nice to me so I would hang out with her from time to time and I got to know some of her friends - a couple of which were really cool, and whom I became much closer with than the original chick.

Point is: If you are feeling kind of lonely, don't shy away from any social situations, even if you don't think you're going to have fun, because there's no predicting who you might meet. I mean, if you're sitting at a club like "WTF am I doing here everyone here sux lolz", there may well be a dozen people thinking the same thing. Instant common ground.

Find a hobby you like and join a group associated with it. Instant common ground.

show us yr tits!

What Montana said. Also, has anyone tried Meetup? I signed up for a couple of groups after I divorced & moved 40 miles away from everyone I know, but chickened out/never went to any . Still, Meetup seems like a good thing--at least it takes the element of chance out of the common ground equation.

for some reason this thread reminds me of a poster i saw in elementary school.



You're no bunny unless some bunny loves you.

if you are a girl, i would join a co-ed softball team and strike out alot, guys'll eat that shit up.

if you are guy, join a co-ed skydiving group and pretend your chute won't open, girls'll eat that shit up.

playing softball hasn't really broadened my social circle. the people i play with have all known each other for a long time and have bonds that i can't possibly match with them. it seems they're all in bands or work together. and while i talk to them at softball, i only see them at shows occasionally outside the field.

i work with some neat people, but i spend 40+ hours with them every week and i don't think any of them want to see more of me. the only time we socialize outside work is after departmental events, like bowling or the bizarre open bar that started on the 3rd floor of the building last week. and then it's only a few hours of going out somewhere for drinks.

i get in trouble with my friends now for harping on how good things were in college so many years ago. i had one of the tightest friend bases of anyone i know. now that we're all spread out over the country, we've all talked about how it's never going to be the same. it's a little depressing. but i guess things are looking up since i've conceded it'll never be like that again.

Being in sales and having that type personality, meeting people and making friends comes very easily to me. I often forget that there are other personality types that really do have to work at coming out of their shell. Lots of great advice given so far.
I'll be practicing my skills in this area in the very near future as the paperwork on my 18 year marriage is nearing completion and I close on my new home in 30 days. Actually...I can't wait!
In fact, since I'll have my own home I'll make an offer to any regular Sombies who might be passing through Cleveland and need a place to stay...mi casa es su casa.

anybody ever notice that when pool players get a good break they think they are king shit of the world? i mean, you can see them holding back that shit eating grin...and it changes their walk into a swagger too...like they just saved a drowning nun or something. what's up with that?


congrats.
(divorce party!)

Thanks. Indeed, I'm thinking that party will be Memorial Day weekend.

Dude, where do you work? And, more importantly, are there any openings?

Re: Expanding your social network--making friends is, of course, very important. And, as others have pointed out, it doesn't get any easier as you get older. But I would also point out that, if you find yourself feeling lonely, you should savor it. Once you have a kid and a demanding job, the social obligations from work, family, etc. pile up pretty quickly, even if, like me, you're not especially outgoing. Solitude can be a very good thing--and it won't always come cheap.

thanks for the advice. we'll see.

edit

it's not like i haven't tried with co-workers. it's just that we can't seem to get past the bullshit small talk.

(looking at my ipod screen)
"alvin, who's sally shapiro? you got ya head boppin to that!"

"oh, she's a...sweedish umm, dance, pop, you know."

"oh, okay."

i don't know. it's just terrible. haha. embarassing.

It does get harder to meet people as you get older, although you'd think it'd be the opposite since you can basically do whatever you want and go wherever you want. Think of all you can do with the social opportunities you do have--there's always a lot more than you think, but there's nothing wrong with using programs like meetup or craigslist. Organize happy hours with your co-workers, join or create clubs, don't be afraid to call up people you barely know and ask them to hang out. The thing is, you'll find most people are constantly wishing they had more friends and/or people they connect with better, but few have the motivation to go out and do something about it. If you keep at it, using all the resources you do have (and there's a whole lot of them when you think about it), you'll meet great people, eventually.

i prefer living by the saying "old friend is better than the 2 new ones". all my best frieds are from way back school and even pre school times. but these are the kind of people you'd kill someone for, so there're very few of them. but i hang out with them most of the time.

the last time i made quite a few new acquaintances was when i started going to a parties that these local djs were throwing once or twice a week. i met these djs and the people who usually follow them for the music.

other than that, i dunno, don't really have any good suggestions like montata, for example. i guess i'm a loner at heart. i prefer having few people around me whome i can trust and feel at ease with.

i also find it hard to find people with common interests. it doesn't bother me with females, but it does with males.

all you really need are like 2-3 solid friends. i could give a fuck about the rest.

Yeah, college was awesome. I'm depressed just thinking about it.

My department (9 total) is pretty tight-knit and they're mostly fun people, and it's taken 5 years for even a few of us to start going out for drinks or the occasional weekend hike.


True dat. This is my first time ever living alone and it's wonderful. Hard for me to seek people out as a result, which I know I'll regret in 5-10 years. Sort of.

honestly, I don't really have many friends now a-days. I am hoping once I transfer schools I will find my niche or some people for me but right now I have my girlfriend who lives 2 hours away and I can't drive or set foot on her campus or I get arrested. (not because I'm a creepy stalker rapist, she went to the same school as me an I'm not allowed on campus housing/in any classrooms)

I want to meet some new people and I'm going to throw myself into situations where I can meet people. you wanna talk about music? blast some music in a public area and people will come over to tell you to turn that shit off or "hey, you like sonic youth too?" and then you will be friends or have sex if they are the opposite sex.

I'm pretty close to 2000 posts, exciting.

edit: I guess I am over 2000 posts, less exciting.

Hah. Yeah. Rule #1 I figured out for myself with new people was to keep music talk to a minimum in most situations (especially good rule when living in Pretoria, South Africa where everyone is an Afrikaaner.... I'll refrain from going on a rant about how The Afrikaans culture has to be high in the running for the worst culture in the world but suffice to say they don't listen to interesting music)... I mean, people don't really like listening to other people talk about bands they've never heard of. I did randomly meet one dude in Cape Town who was all into Tapes 'n Tapes and Wolf Parade and I was like "Holy shit!" and I tried to talk about other related music but he had pretty much just heard those two bands...

I digress.

Point is: it's rare for people to be into music/movies/tv in a way that a lot of people on this board are. To disagree with a quote from the 'real' Rob Gordon (or would he be the 'fake' Rob Gordon?...) from the movie/book: It's not what you like, but what you are like that matters (actually I think he sort of comes to this conclusion by the end of the movie/book but, uh, anyway).

Get to know the person outside of small talk likes/dislikes kind of stuff. Montana was OTM with his 'just listen to people' remark.

Just using your example: Someone asks you what Sally Shapiro is like, maybe compare her to someone they've heard of (Kylie Minogue or whatever), laugh about how they probably think your silly for listening to dance pop, mention how it's cool to listen to stuff like that with open ears/not being a genreist/etc, allow conversation to turn into a general discussion of open-mindedness and now suddenly you're on a very general topic that can go in a lot of different directions and help you figure out what kind of person you're talking to.

Obviously a weirdly specific example, but that sort of strategy has helped me a lot.

If all else fails, we can stage some sort of colloquium at the 'real' Rob Gordon's (or is he the 'fake' Rob Gordon?) open house in Cleveland where he can show us all how to be socially successful... or we can just get really drunk and argue about music -- either plan seems sound.

I heard a good way to make new friends is say you are republican and support the war.

Does the laager not do it for you?

Learn to play an instrument. Do this by participating in a class.

head for boys town

lol