Hey, please call this number and pretend you're calling in sick. Be as creative or dull as you want to be.

866-286-8404

meh.

heh, tornado warning just passed for my town, but no tornado.

Hmph!

no buffalo chiken, schlitz or drunk sombies for me tonight. damn sold out show. damn.

that answers my question in 5things, i guess. You're probably too sick anyhow. Rest up, pumpkin!

warning sirens are going off, don't be surprised if i'm dead within the next ten minutes.

Take cover, baby! I can't lose my pumpkin!

I work not far from Rudayo and we all had to go to the basement. Whee, excitement.

I'm glad tornadoes don't come through the city...being on the 45th floor with windows and all.

this storm is nothing compared to the one that smashed my car.

I'll have to hear this story one day.

i feel like drinkin tonight. no one is around. no parents to drink with. no brother to drink with. all friends away at college, cept dan who is taking a shit. just me, my dog, and a bottle of wine. and biochem. my lover, biochem.

today. sucks. dick.

On my way home from work tornado sirens were going off in the city. That' freaked me out as I have never heard those before. I was actually kinda scared. Mostly because I was on the el, high above the ground. Freaky. Now the clouds have broken up and it's not raining anymore. hooray.

Fuck you, dude.

Everybody is talking about this storm, but I was on the el and it was raining for maybe five minutes, and that was it. My mom was like, "DID YOU SEE THAT STORM? IT WAS ALL HAILING AND SHIT." And I was like, "No."

biochem blows.


i have the greatest parents in the world. no joke.

Having Ted DiBiase's theme music in my car at all times has caused for some hilarious moments in the past like 12 hours.




I find them really hilarious, at least.

I want to get a tape with the end credits theme from Pee-Wee's Playhouse, so I can play it whenever I'm leaving somewhere.

The first time i was just confused.

the second time was hilarious

and then the third time followed by the maniacal driving away...classic.

Wow, it was raining really fucking hard a few minutes ago.

it got worse. we were on 88 driving back and we got to a toll booth and i decided it would be funny to blast the music when i went to pay the dude. so i got a buck ready to give to him and pulled up. and the second he leaned out to take my money, i blasted the DiBiase music, handed him a dollar while holding a wad of bulls in my other hand and cackling. this was followed by me speeding off through the toll. as i was leaving he leaned out and yelled "YOUR CHANGE!!!" i was too far off to back up and get my like thirty cents back. it was one of the best moments of my life.

Last night I was just sitting at the computer when all of a sudden... the screen turned YELLOW. It still hasn't changed back to normal. This monitor isn't even old!

Why is this happening to me.

holy shit i can't stop laughing.

It hates your avatar.

There’s a kind of music that reminds me of you
It’s all clear expensive drinks and shiny shirts
And the click of heels as they descend from the taxi
Like the first foot on the moon, oh, and it glows with ache
And if it hits me right it’s almost too much to take
And it’s got right angle razor thin lines
That curves and swerve like perfect sines
As we dress to the nines in an
Attempt to leave it all behind
In a search of the moment between the seconds where
Everything is just fine
That silver thread imbedded deep within our spines

And I used to be kind of weird about this
A fear of dependence on a guilty gilt-edged
Hedged transcendence that makes us lairs
And tense when we look down and realize
That nothing really suspends us

But it was never just another Saturday night
Not with you in attendance

So put your hands in the air
And wave them like you just don’t care
It’s on a whim; it’s on a dare
To shrug away what we can’t bear
And we’re going back and forth
And back and forth and back and forth and back
We’re going back and forth
And back and forth and back and forth and back

And it’s a deep blue see-through membrane that protects us
It connects us, a pulsing cellophane
Party-train scheme that helps us and
Envelopes and keeps us locked inside
Forever and ever along for the ride
And we’re moving through a phosphorescent gel
A semi-solid self-lit ocean and it’s a funny notion, isn’t it?
Yeah, but I’m kinda digging it
And it’s rigged and isn’t nearly so big
And it speaks only of its own
Perpetual near miss
Like the uncertain memory
Of a stranger’s mistaken kiss
As faces slide by in glowing shadows
Like snowbound ghosts that go up and down
In epileptic shivers and negative radioactive slivers
In a landscape of endless dull glitter
And a taste in my mouth so sweet, yet so bitter

And we exhaust ourselves trying to get there

Somebody scream—all right
We’ll try to fill the echoless night
So fasten up and hold tight
We can’t give up without a fight
And we’re going back and forth
And back and forth and back and forth and back
We’re going back and forth
And back and forth and back and forth and back

So in the end, whatever, we die, we dissolve
Equations unbalanced, riddles unsolved
And we were never connected or involved
Except for the intersections and crazy mathematics
With no time and no space and no schedule and no place
And we pass right through it without a trace

And sometimes that music drifts through my car
On a spring night when anything is possible
And I close my eyes and I nod my head
And I wonder how you been and I count to a hundred and ten
Because you’ll always be my hero, even if I never see you again

Hey ___________,

Stop fucking fighting with your husband at work! Seeing that you don't even have any cube walls around your work area we can all hear every word of you conversation, and you both sound like immature morons! Is that what you really want?

Love,

Your co-workers. Mainly me.

bye.

Adios

See ya.

I'm going to make like a tree and beat it

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),IRS Penalties (tax on top of
tax),
Liquor Tax,
Luxury Tax,
Marriage License Tax,
Medicare Tax,
Property Tax,
Real Estate Tax,
Recreational Vehicle Tax,
Road Usage Tax (Truckers),
Service charge taxes,
Social Security Tax,
Sales Taxes,
School Tax,
State Income Tax,
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),
Telephone Federal Excise Tax,
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,Telephone Recurring and
Non-recurring Charges Tax, Telephone State and Local Tax, Telephone
Usage Charge Tax, Utility Tax, Vehicle License Registration Tax,
Vehicle Sales Tax,
Watercraft Registration Tax,
Well Permit Tax,
Workers Compensation Tax.

Stop making me think of work, my darling. Please.

Last night I started reading about a bunch of old wrestlers from my youth and before I knew it an hour and a half had passed. Yikes.

Is the wrestling avatar fad over?



Who did I forget?

scarymuppet was goldust

I have the most vivid memories of the shittiest wrestlers

yeah, that narrows the field

im on there twice....LOLZ


and i had dibiase in my profile before wrestling avatars were cool.



fuck you guys


oh yeah and one of those isn't a wrestler. it's sid haig. he is an actor.

haha, yeah i realized that too late.

ha! ernest "the cat" miller. SOMEBODY BETTA CALL MY MOMMA!



3 days of harlem heat is probably enough. time to go back to the dancing man.

Not a wrestler

ever have the problem where you have so many people who can write recommendations for you for grad school you just cant decide on who to pick and its frustrating? its the silliest problem ever. right up there with having too many 20's in your wallet that it wont fit into your pocket.

I hate okra.

I hate Oprah, too.

Yeah, me too.

Oprah has run Maya Angelou's would-be legacy into the ground.

I bet her sofa cushions are all dented, too.

i had taco fresco for lunch and it was delicious


classier than what i originally hoped to have for lunch, but it sufficed and then some