this one could be a winner, for you
calling the judges cunts is always good move, in this contest

Rancor is good, but uh...save the drama for your mama, etc.

it's true. it basically turns the SOMB Madness tourney in to a Roast, of sorts.

In this instance, Red97 is playing the part of that lovable scamp, Andy Dick.

If you're the owner of a grey Jeep Cherokee, license 5XX 5XXX, and were traveling southeast on Elston at Division this morning AND came within inches of hitting the bicyclist in front of me, please burn in hell. I hope that someday your child is riding his/her bicycle and someone does to it what you did this morning. And I also hope that you got to your destination only to find that something horrible has happened in your shitty life. And if you're on SOMB, I hope your music collection goes up in flames.

Oh my fucking god, you guys, they're alive!!!! Long story short, for those who don't know, deicer shorted out, pond froze solid. I could have sworn I saw orange things frozen in the ice, thought fuck all the fish are dead. Didn't bother to turn on the deicer again, figured fuck it all fish are dead, pond stayed frozen for at least three weeks, went out over the weekend, still frozen, went out last night, most of the ice had melted couldn't see any orange, figured they all sank to the bottom, water is too dark to see very far because of the tanins from the leaves and twigs, figured they'll swell up and float to the top, went out at lunch time today, no dead floating fish, stared at the water for like five minutes, saw spots of orange - MOVING!!!!!!!!! Fuck it's a good day

true. however, this board has really ruined the word 'cunt' for me. it used to be a great word. now it just sucks. way to ruin a great word, assholes.

you're welcome, cunt.

you will die alone.

In context, that's a slam dunk SOMB Madness post.

you set yourself up. if it didn't come from me, it would have been any other asshole on here.

and, we all die alone. so sad. but at least i wont have a venereal disease.

test came back clean, huh (collective sigh of relief is heard among the guys of the SOMB)

yea! i forgot to tell you. im pretty psyched about it. so, it's all right biggie. no worries. wink.

yeah.

That new job is keep you busy, eh?

totally.

in my defense, monday - wednesday are slow days and as thursday and fridays are press deadlines, so we kind of just wait until then. or so i am told. i wont have time to be offensive to everyone come tomorrow afternoon.

Wrong again, Ladytron. It's public knowledge that Gena has arranged to be buried with 3 of the four members of Sloan.

Sadly, negotiations with Patrick Pentland fell through at the last minute.

and christ almighty am i depressed about that.

Married. Buried. Yeah yeah yeah yeah.

So much truth, so little time...

Again?!? you're lucky not to have Koicicles again this year, isn't there enough room for all the fish in the indoor pond? And why aren't you adding more Oriental/Tropical decor to the Pond room? Or cleaning out the leaves from the outside pond? The rotting leaves remove oxygen from the water & the tannins screw up the Ph levels. And would it kill you to maybe plant some Kale around the edge of the pond? The greenery will help keep down on the leaves blowing into the pond, and the plants keep their color through most of the winter. Ornamental versions come in varying shades of Green, White, Red & Purple. And you should eat better. And wear a sweater when it's cold. And spend a little more time with your Mother.

i finally got my office, today, after months of waiting.

my first order of business is to take this picture, print it, frame it, and claim it is my father...

reggie!

The koi are all inside. All that was outside were about 6 goldfish left over from last spring's fishnapping. And the pond room does have more decor. And I do get as many leaves out as i can but that's hard to do when the thing is frozen over. Two pounds of activated charcoal will have those tannins gone in 48 hours. And what is this kale bullshit you speak of? It will die back flatter than a pancake in the winter. And I do eat pretty well. And I have a jacket with me at all times. And if I spent any more time with my mother we'd have to be conjoined twins. Good day to you, sir

"Genius of Love" is playing at a so-called party in my office. This is the most hip thing to ever happen here.

Ornamental Kale is a form of Kale/Cabbage that's grown in the Autumn & Early Winter as a Border or Bedding plant. The plants are usually of the Curly Leafed varieties and come in solid & varigated colors from White to Pale & Dark Green, to Red & Purple. The plant likes full sun & moist but well drained soil, and will last 'till well after the first hard frost. In fact the plant often gets better color after the first light frost.




And you know I Nag because I Care.

where's she getting Cad-buried?

last night i dreamt that some organization of people i was involved with was having a gathering of sorts at a bar with an auditorium. Steve Martin was the keynote speaker, and for reasons unknown i was supposed to open up for him. So my boss (i'm not sure how he got involved) and I are sitting by the window of the bar wearing tuxes, waiting for the shindig to begin. steve martin walks by the front window with a black eye and blood coming out of one ear. he's wearing a tux, but he's considerably disheveled and dirty. He's carrying some large folded up sign, the kind you would take to see a WWE match. We watch him walk into the middle of the 2-way street directly in front of us, he lays down in the middle of the road and holds up a sign that says "I HAVE NO MATERIAL, THIS IS THE END"
So scott (my boss) and I are like WTF?! There's a tourist family on the other side of the street, the kind of overweight mom and 2 young kids, one in a stroller, that you see coming to the city to visit the Lincoln Park Zoo during the summer time or for the Air & Water show. She's screaming, "oh my! someone do something!" because SHE apparently is incapable of action. The first car drives by suicidal steve martin and misses him, while scott and I go running out the door to talk him off the pavement. Another car comes from the left, and starts honking at us. I stare a hole through the drivers head and he stops. Scott and I pick up steve martin, while he's babbling about having no material and not being able to perform. We've got him propped up and we're carrying him inside, and i'm just advising him to steal other peoples jokes...that's what i do. we get him inside the bar, and then i woke up.

I just watched Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and realized that the good-looking Oxford educated Indian man they meet at the palace (where they eat the eyeball soup and chilled monkey brains) was NEHRU in Gandhi, the movie. If you're going to be typecasted...

Nice.

Should also be noted...much like Peeps, her fake breasts will also never decompose.

I have a new favorite word.

"But although, or rather because, Ashbery leaves himself and his homsexuality out of his poetry his poems misrepresent in a particular way which I will call 'homotextual'"

My sister left a vmail last night asking if I wanted to see Genesis with her in October (I don't). The venue is only about 10 miles from her house. She mentioned that she was going to drive in to work this morning to get mapquest directions. THIS CONCERT IS SEVEN MONTHS AWAY AND SHE'S ALREADY PLANNING HER ROUTE.

I guess my sense of humor or language doesn't translate very well in lincoln park. "keep it up missy and i'll put you over my knee"....sounds like "i'm gonna beat your ass". this resulted in one mad husband and his friends coming to get me. needless to say i made a B-line for the door before the douchebags came to beat my arse.

ps....i think i'm still drunk.

pss...i thought i saw kmac last night.

I used to live right by this Subway.

http://www.dailyherald.com/news/kanestory....000&cc=k&tc=&t=



A car that was leaving a West Dundee McDonald's parking lot rammed through the wall of a nearby Subway restaurant reportedly killing one person.

There was one confirmed fatality, a West Dundee Police Department release stated. The driver, passenger and seven restaurant patrons, were taken to nearby hospitals for injuries. Several people were in critical condition.

A 2004 Acura MDX went through the wall of the Subway located at 400 S. 8th St. (Route 31) just after 1:40 p.m. Saturday, the release stated, but the cause of the accident is still unknown.

West Dundee police and The Kane County Accident Reconstruction Team were investigating.





A new disease that you caught at Mickey D's
In your Quarter Pounder with cheese
Ordered with ease
Super size please!
Can you believe
People ain't even survive through the drive through
And they thought they were live too
Pulling off, pumping Rob Base, stuffing fries in their face
Over a billion served
What they never deserved
So as they drove away they swerved into the curb
With their heads on the steering wheel
Kids blacked out in the back with a fucking Happy Meal
What a crappy deal
But it was only $4.99
So there's more people in line
Yeah, the plan's running fine
The parking lot is now a burial plot
Where you can park and rot if you can find a spot
Government agents came swooping in
Removing men, women and children from the automobile
What a steal

I just learned that my college, OF ALL PLACES, is the center of a number of Afrocentrism debates.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tony_Martin_%28professor%29 (CRAZY MAN/ANTISEMITE)

and

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Lefkowitz

Mr. P. Bondage Cable wrap

He's almost as cool as the Mr. P. Lamp with teeney-peni light switch...

I just ate six slices of cheese and a had a drawn out dialogue with myself over whether I prefer to eat slices or if I should have just eaten a chunk of cheese.

This is my life.

is it weird that in anticipation of my upcoming appointment with fine folks at Comcast that i purchased a small little canister of pepperspray? i don't want one of those wackjobs coming at me with a homeade splitter shank and takin out one of my prescious baby blues.

heh. my friend just had a really bad experience with her comcast contractor, ernest. he kept calling her and giving her the wrong parts on purpose so she would have to call him back and have him come and reinstall stuff. and hed always use her bathroom and poop.

Avy Scott is a busy little cock-monkey. She doesn't have time for such silly things as self respect and dignity. Not when there's cock to be fucked! Whether it's on a street corner for twenty bucks and a cheeseburger or at a frat party for free booze, Avy will never turn down an opportunity to have her big, pink cunthole stretched. In fact, Avy won't be happy until her colon is as twisted as her dirty little mind. Avy Scott is, and always will be, one fucking filthy whore!

I had to google Avy Scott. I take it the wife is not home from work yet.

Nasty! I have a strict no poop policy for strangers. Well, I never have company to begin with.

Who has the audacity to release his feces in another man's house?

remember when we had to wait to shave your balls because the bathroom stank so bad. i thought beth was gonna puke she was gagging so bad. and that was even before she saw your nutsack

ahhh.. good times

I poop everywhere. I poop in school three times a day on average, I'd say.