On my way home, police car pulled me over
After they left I puttered out of gas
Triple A came but my card was expired
I had to walk home, and of course, it rained half the time
I tried to get some shut-eye but I was abducted!
They put cold things in my butt
They sampled a bit of my DNA
They left me on top of my sheets
I dreamt I went potty, woke up drenched in me
This day sucked the hardest ever...

Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today
A little bit less than nothing would go my way

Woke up to toss my soiled sheets
The hallway was dark and I stubbed my big toe
It was then that I sensed the irony
Then I heard the voice say,
"Come sail aboard S.S. Nepenthe!"
I suppose I'm to blame

Thank goodness for bathtubs and suds
I suppose I'm to blame for getting pulled over
I guess I'm the culprit for running out of gas
Let's just say I'm the guy who didn't pay Triple A
In actuality I let the Zetas probe me
Yesterday was all my fault
I let negativity get the better of me
Thank goodness for the bathtubs and suds
They temporarily set free this quandary

In big no-duh news

ugh

Us UPSers have heard/made every "package" or "box" joke in the book 1,000,000 times., although if I was delivering packages, and a girl used it as a pickup line..... i guess it could make a man forget all those other 1,000,000 package jokes

I saw a dead guy yesterday. I was on the train into Chicago and at the Bellwood stop, some guy hung himself from a railing on the stairs and he was still hanging there as the train I was on passed by.

Never really want to see that again, to be honest.

You know what would be awesome right now? Nap + tennis + booze.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM&eurl=

pretty cool video, of buffaloes kicking lions' asses.

That was a cool video. Lions are the coolest animals though. They are so much smaller than those buffalo and it was like 3 (or was it 4) against about a hundred. Lions are fearless! And how about that crocodile? Didn't see that coming.

That's amazing. I had no idea buffalo would act that way.

Michael Vick owns those buffaloes.

lions are cool, but in that video they seemed to have crapped their pants though.
that one lion that got thrown int he air! whoa!!!

My College Roommate Dave's kids find a bee on the playground (audio only)

I wish I had left the lunch place one minute earlier. I got caught in the rain while getting back to my car and I'm soaking wet. I had to pour water out of my shoes. It's going to be a long, damp, afternoon.

I guess I don't have to watch the video to know the content now. I don't wanna see big cats get hurt. I don't wanna see little cats get hurt, either, for that matter. And in the interest of consistency OLYMPICS GO HOME!

Heh, I'd almost given up on finding anything else decent from that site. Most of the submitted designs they get remind me of shirts I see at Target. Predictably, this one is sold out.

Even 2KT (always overpriced, but usually offering a few semi-desirable products) completely sucks now. The only good designs they have are the same ones they've had for years from Yoshitomo Nara and Basquiat.

My phone's on vibrate for you
God knows what all these new drugs do
I guess to have no more fears
But still I always end up in tears

My phone's on vibrate for you
But still I never ever feel from you
Pinocchio's now a boy
Who wants to turn back into a toy...









I ♥ rufus wainwright

Jump on the new one if you dig Rufus. Great stuff, and no cloying songs about cell phones.

so do we! just bought our tickets for his Ravinia show. can't wait to show off my new pick i nick gear.

The new one kind of bores me, actually.

How much were they? I still need to get mine.

Maybe he'll bust out some mundane subjects for songs again next time.

Poses is his best album. No songs about cell phones on that one. Then again, not every song has to be deep to be good.

And not all deep songs are good. That was evident by the crappy band that opened for Office last night.

Don't bring reason into this.

How about instead of being reasonable I'll post more rufus lyrics.

Waiting for the present, for the present to pass
Waiting for a dream to last
You are not my lover, and you never will be
'Cause you've never done anything to hurt me...

i love the bat country

this is also a fav of mine

Read mine again, that makes it funnier.

And I bet this chick is glad for Google Street View.

Alky! how'd u find this?!?! x 10!!!

I didn't really find that, it was posted on another forum... but still pretty funny. People better start watching out for those Google Vans.

i'm scared to go into a porn store now. I guarantee there are probably gonna be Google Cams in front of everyone in America now! order online people!

silly bloggers

I cannot listen to Ys without picturing homestar runner singing his heart out to "Sawdust and Diamonds."

I just got an email from a girl I work with. She said "I know you’re a music junkie, so here's an email from my boyfriend's brother." I looked at it and he's a jazz pianist and he's in a Ben Folds Five cover band. I'll be sure to add his gig to my sig.

First in a series of emails that my coworker has forwarded to me:





















>>>The Little Grass Hut
>>>
>>>The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small,
uninhabited
>>>island.
>>>He prayed feverishly for GOD to rescue him, and everyday he scanned
the
>>>horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
>>>
>>>Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of
driftwood
>>>to protect himself from the elements and to store his
few
possessions.
>>>
>>>One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his
little
>>>hut in flames with smoke rolling up to the sky.
>>>
>>>The worst had happened! Everything was lost!
>>>
>>>He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger.
>>>
>>>"GOD, how could you do this to me?" he cried.
>>>
>>>Early the next day he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was
>>>approaching the island. It had come to rescue him.
>>>
>>>"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers.
"We
>>>saw your smoke signal," they replied.
>>>
>>>Moral of the story:
>>>
>>>It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we
>>>shouldn't
>>>lose heart, because GOD is at work in our lives, even in
the midst of
>>>pain, and suffering. Remember that, the next time your little hut
seems
>>>to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that
summons
>>>the grace of GOD.
>>>
>>>You May Want To Consider Passing This On, Because You Never Know Who
>>>
>>>Feels Like Their Hut Is On Fire Today.
>>>

>>On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late,
and
>>decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00
PM,
>>but his wife didn't answer the phone.
>>
>>The pastor let the
phone ring many times... He thought it was odd that
she
>>didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a
few
>>minutes. When he trie d agai n she answered right away. He asked her
why
>>she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their
>>house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.
>>
>>The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office,

>>which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that
he
>>spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night.
>>The pastor couldn't figure out what the man was talking about. Then
the
>>man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer." The pastor
remembered
>>the mishap and apologized for di sturbi n g him, explaining that he'd
>>intended to call his wife.
>>
>>The man said,
"That's, OK. Let me tell you my story.
>>
>>
>>You see, I was planning to commi t suic id e on Saturday night, but
before
>>I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do
this,
>>give me a sign now.' At that point my phone started to ring. I looked
at
>>the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer!"
>>
>>The reason why it showed on the man's caller ID that the call came
from
>>"Almighty God" is because the church that the pastor attends is called

>>Almighty God Tabernacle!!
>>
>>
>>If you believe that God answers prayers then pass this on. God bless!
>>
>>READ EACH SENTENCE SLOWLY AND THINK ABOUT IT.
>>
>>
>>Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
>>
>>
>>Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over
you.
>>
>>
>>Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to
forget.
>>
>>
>>Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff.
>>
>>
>>BEST FRIENDS are the siblings God forgot to give us.
>>
>>
>>When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can
look
>>beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.
>>
>>
>>Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
>>
>>
>>Send this on to everyone special in your life, even the people who
really
>>make you mad sometimes and to the people whose lives you want to be
in!!!
>>
>>And send it back to the person who sent it to you if they mean
something
>>to you!! Remember, every minute spent angry is sixty seconds of
happiness
>>wasted.


LOVE
YOU ALL!

HAVE A BLESSED DAY!

C

Repulsive Posting Topic

Better email that was forwarded to me





Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo (the hunchback of Notre Dame) said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified. Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy.

"It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says,

"Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell?"

ugh, there should be a filter that blocks the phrase "blessed day"

Two Boxes (I hope I get this back. Please keep it going. This has been going since Dec. 1, 2000 ~ please send it on.)

God's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold!"

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,
"I wonder where my sorrows could be!"
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
"My child, they're all
here with me.."

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go."

We should consider all of our friends a blessing.
Send this to a friend today just to let them know you
are thinking of them and that they are a joy in your life.

A ball is a circle, no beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends.
But the treasure inside for you to see,
Is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.

Today I pass the friendship ball to you.
Pass! it on to someone who is a friend to you...




Okay, here goes, instantly when you receive this letter, you
should send it to at least 10 people to brighten their day,
Including the person who sent it to you.

change some of the words in the Almighty God one to Allah & mosque and send it back to her

fixed

YOU BET I'LL PASS IT ON!!!!!!-- - -

[center]I PLEDGE
ALLEGIANCE
TO THE FLAG,
OF THE
UNITED
STATES OF
AMERICA ,
AND TO THE
REPUBLIC,
FOR WHICH IT
STANDS,
ONE NATION
UNDER GOD,
INDIVISIBLE,
WITH LIBERTY
AND JUSTICE
FOR ALL!

I was asked to
send this on
if I agree
or delete if I don't.
It is said that
86% of
Americans
believe in God.
Therefore I have
a very
hard time
understanding
why there is
such a problem
in having
"In God We
Trust"
on our money
and having
"God"
in the Pledge of
Allegiance.

I AGREE!

[/center]

PLEASE KEEP THIS GOING,
EVEN IF YOU HAVE PASSED IT ON BEFORE!!

Please send this on after a short
prayer!

Prayer wheel for our
Marines, soldiers, sailors,
coastguard, and airmen...
please don't break it


"Dear Heavenly Father,
hold our troops in your loving hands.
Protect them as they protect us.
Bless them and their families
for the selfless acts they perform
for us in our time of need.
Please stop a moment
and say a prayer for our troops
(land, air, and sea) in
Afghanistan , Kuwait ,
Iraq and all around the world.

This can be very powerful.....
Just send this to people
in your address book.
Do not stop the wheel,
please.

Of all the gifts you could give our
U.S. Military,
Prayer is the very best one!

[left]God will Love Ya for helping
Spread His Word..[/left]

See
what's free at AOL.com.




PC Magazine�s 2007 editors� choice for best Web mail�award-winning Windows Live Hotmail.
9 attachments — Download all attachments View all images

image5.jpg 6K View Download

image6.gif 48K View Download

image7.gif 14K View Download

image8.gif 1K View Download

image9.gif 1K View Download

image10.gif 12K View Download

image11.gif 49K View Download

image12.gif 32K View Download

image13.jpg 21K View Download

Undo on fiyah today. This would make a fine avatar for you, btw.

i r 2 dumb 2 unnerstan sepperashun of church n stait

should be most high, imo

[razor]I hate everyone.[/wrist]

way better than armored vehicles

Undo, didn't Jess start a 'spam' thread somewhere? I get enough of that shit from people irl.

Meanwhile:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CEOs Behaving Badly
Posted: 05/14/2007, 3:41 PM PT
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just what does it take for a CEO to get fired for cause? This week, Home Box Office chairman and CEO Chris Albrecht provided the answer.

Albrecht worked for HBO for 22 years and had been CEO of the network for the past five. He’s credited for helping create such blockbuster shows as "The Sopranos" and "Sex in the City." Along the way, the popular network became a hugely profitable unit in the Time Warner empire, making about $1.2 billion per year and setting the standard for creativity and quality in the television industry.

But Albrecht had a dark side—an alcohol problem that he had battled for a number of years. Last weekend, the dark side consumed him. According to a Los Angeles Times report, "[Las Vegas Police] Officers at the site of the Oscar De La Hoya-Floyd Mayweather Jr. boxing match came running when they spotted a man later identified as Albrecht grabbing a woman by the throat with both hands and dragging her toward the valet parking station at the MGM Grand. Police said Albrecht was unsteady on his feet, reeked of alcohol and said of the woman ‘She pissed me off.’ "

Albrecht was arrested and spent the night in jail. He admitted to a drinking problem and that he would take a leave of absence. When the Times reported that HBO had paid a settlement of $400,000 to $500,000 in 1991 over another Albrecht choking incident (with a married senior vice president who worked for him, and that he previously had a relationship with), the company fired him.

If you enjoy HBO—probably the best of all the cable networks—you have to be troubled by Albrecht’s sad fall. But others could se this coming. As the Times pointed out, Albrecht was well known to many as a "creative genius given to emotional tirades."

The thing that bothers me is that Albrecht should have gotten his walking papers in 1991, when HBO had to pay the better part of a half-million dollars to cover up his first choking incident. And I wonder: How many other managers would have kept their jobs if their employer had to pony up a chunk of money to settle inappropriate behavior on the job?

You know the answer to that. We seem to live in a world where companies lavish riches on CEOs and kit them out with golden parachutes even when they don’t perform. But Chris Albrecht is proof that even there, in the rarefied realm of the CEO, sometimes enough is enough.