My sister gets good results when she sends that stuff back to the sender saying:

I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOUR FUCKING GOD.

It even makes your throat go numb.

^So last year.

That was a hilarious product. Not bad either.

Slackmo is more bitter than I. And that's saying something. I envy him.

I now know what I want for Father's Day:

I see that you guys are on my mom's email list, too.



Hilarious. I'm still laughing.

im on a lot of painkillers right now. im feelin good. woooooooooohehe.

i also hate being on the top of the page. fuck you somb. i hate you.

We hate you too!


Now you're not the only one on this page. Feel better?

haha, jerk. you are trying to be mean to me, yet you wished me better in the 5 things thread. i win. you suck.

shouldn't you be resting, lady?

i am laying on a bed with a computer sitting next to me waiting for my mom to pick up derek from the train. im in a very comfy position, but can only watch so much daytime tv.

Daytime TV is awful.

But without daytime TV, think of all the women who wouldn't know who the baby daddy was. It's a public service, really.

It also serves the noble purpose of making marital infidelity and domestic violence "OK" to an already highly educated viewership.

What I meant to say was Daytime TV is awfully useful.

made funnier because I read all your posts with Bill Clinton's voice

we walk the streets at night
we go where eagles dare
they pick up every movement
they pick up every loser
with jaded eyes and features
you think they really care?

i ain't no goddamn son of a bitch
you better think about it baby
i ain't no goddamn son of a bitch
you better think about it baby, babe



^^^^this was just being sung outside my front stoop by a stumpy little fat guy. i love my street sometime.

Fucking awesome.

It was more of a timely post than any bitterness. I don't envy bible bangers their zeal.

haha. excellent!

My neighborhood is pretty cool like that too. I might have previously mentioned the Mexican dude driving an el camino up and down the street blaring Weezer. It especially made me smile because it was "Island in the Sun." hip hip!

I played a lot of video games today.

summer '07

I woke up at 11:00 am EXACTLY.

I came down here. Then I had breakfast. Then I listened to the last five songs on Gimme Fiction. Afterwards, played some piano, played some guitar, posted about hot wings and candied penises and Spoon and Beatles For Sale on the SOMB, listened to a couple King Khan & BBQ Show songs, went to Oak Brook to pick up a suit and have dinner with the parents, listened to the Misfits' Static Age on the way there, listened to KING KHAN & THE SHRINES' WHAT IS?! on the way back, lied in bed in the dark listening to the first disc of Stars of the Lid's And the Refinement of the Decline, went back downstairs to listen to King Khan & The Shrines' amazing song "Welfare Bread," and now I'm listening to the New Radicals' "Mother We Just Can't Get Enough." Satisfying day where I accomplished nothing in particular besides feeling damn good. And I'm going to buy Excellent Italian Greyhound tomorrow morning. Should I get the vinyl with the CD or just the CD even though I don't have a turntable? Huh? They're the same price. I bought 1000 Hurts at the WLUW Record Fair at Intonation '05, and I got the CD without the vinyl so I wouldn't have to carry a bigass thing around. Eh...

I'm listening to the Beatles' "Little Child" from Meet The Beatles or With The Beatles or whichover one you prefer.

Buy the vinyl, keep the CD, and sell the wax to some jackass like me.

I posted a lot of EPs that no one downloaded. I played San Andreas after a six-month hiatus and right now I'm at the casino missions. I'm about to go find some bread and peanut butter.

Fox Paws at the Bottle, June 13th guys

You know what, fuck Shellac. I have decided that I no longer listen to music made after 1967 except for King Khan, Ludacris, and the Misfits.

EIG isn't even good.

I'm done with indie rock bands named after woodland creatures.

OH

HELL

NO.

My sister bit off all the animal cracker heads and then put them back in the box neatly packaged. That's a new level of brattiness.



Also, it's really cute that they put the babies on the box. These are the only acceptable animal crackers.

that leaves you with about four bands, hope you like Radiohead.

You guys should open for Chromeo at the Bottle in July.

I'd do it.

EDIT: we're also playing some shitty bar in Chicago on the 20th, I forgot the name, everybody go to that too.

I was in my room and I was just like staring at the wall thinking about everything
But then again I was thinking about nothing
And then my mom came in and I didn't even know she was there she called my name
And I didn't even hear it, and then she started screaming: MIKE! MIKE!
And I go:
What, what's the matter
And she goes:
What's the matter with you?
I go:
There's nothing-wrong mom.
And she goes:
Don't tell me that, you're on drugs!
And I go:
No mom I'm not on drugs I'm okay, I was just thinking you know, why don't you get me a Pepsi.
And she goes:
NO you're on drugs!
I go:
Mom I'm okay, I'm just thinking.
She goes:
No you're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't act that way!
I go:
Mom just give me a Pepsi please
All I want is a Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me
All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me.
Just a Pepsi.

They give you a white shirt with long sleeves
Tied around you're back, you're treated like thieves
Drug you up because they're lazy
It's too much work to help a crazy

I'm not crazy - institutionalized
You're the one who's crazy - institutionalized
You're driving me crazy - institutionalized

I was watching youtube clips of "I Saw Your Mommy" the other day.

Bands were just...just better back then.

I DON'T WANNA SMELL YOUR MUFF!


Different band, yeah, but going with the "better back then" theme...

Stargell stars, those were cool.

Yeah, man. I lived in Pittsburgh during that era. Fucking great time to be a little kid into baseball and shit.

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I DON'T WANNA SMELL YOUR MUFF!

First concert I ever attended:

1991- Vic Theater -

Pantera
opening for

Suicidal Tendencies
opening for

Exodus

Somehow I forgot to put this in the "first concert" thread, but damn, I love that first ST record. Thanks for reminding me!

Fuck ESPN and their INSIDER bullshit!

Ha! I'm reading the Best Title Teams of All Time right now - I get past the velvet rope...you want me to share some nuggets with you? The Bulls make 4 of the Top 10 (and the '96 team is #1, obviously).

That's what I wanted to read.

Copy and paste it, will you?

This is prolly so illegal...here goes:

Ranking the NBA finalists: 1-10 | 11-20 | 21-30 | 31-40 | 41-50 | 51-60


THE FORMULA
Here's the nuts and bolts. For both the regular season and playoffs, I looked at two factors: win-loss record, and average scoring margin. Every regular-season win was worth two points, with the 1999 participants having their wins prorated to an 82-game season. Similarly, every playoff win was worth four points, but each playoff loss docked a team four points -- this helped differentiate between champions who went 15-2 (like the 1991 Bulls) and those who went 15-9 (like the 1988 Lakers).

For scoring margin, I took the team's season scoring margin and divided by 15 -- basically, a one point per game increase was worth 5.47 points in this formula. For playoff scoring margin, I did the same thing but multiplied by four -- since most teams played about four times as many regular-season games as playoff games, this made the two virtually equal.

Finally, I added 15 points to the score of each team that won a championship. Why 15? (A) Because that amount meant that every champion rated ahead of the runner-up from the same season; and ( Because the valuation seemed about right -- the same as 7.5 regular-season wins.

From there, only one other tweak was necessary -- adjusting for those teams in the earlier years who didn't have as many early-round playoff games in which to rack up points. Teams who didn't play a first-round series got 12 extra points; teams that played a best-of-three got six points; teams that played a best-of-five got three points. That's an approximation, obviously, but it mirrored what other teams in their situation actually did.


We've had 30 NBA Finals matchups since the NBA-ABA merger, so we at ESPN.com decided it would be a good time to rank all 60 teams that have played on the NBA's biggest stage in the modern era.

(We also have to thank Page 2 for the idea, since they did something similar for the Super Bowl.)

Of course, that means we're sorting out the greatest of the great, and you can find those teams listed below.

But it also means that we have to find a place for an NBA Finals team that finished the season with a 40-42 record, believe it or not -- you can find them here.

And, yes, we've figured out the worst NBA champions of the past 30 years -- no, it's not the 2006 Miami Heat, though they were close.

As you might have guessed, I devised a little formula to help me get through this task. My premise is we want to look at three factors in rating greatness: regular-season performance, postseason performance, and finally, whether the team won a championship. See the box to the right for all the gory details.

As you'll see, the way the numbers shook out produced a ranking that conformed very much with conventional wisdom, with a few interesting exceptions.

In other words, the list below is how I'd rank them even without a formula, more or less, but it's nice to know the numbers have my back.

Now, on to the list:


1. 1996 Chicago Bulls Score: 327.9
KEY FACTS
Regular-season record: 72-10
Postseason record: 15-3
Avg. scoring margin: +12.2
Avg. scoring margin, playoffs: +10.6
Finals result: Beat Seattle, 4-2 LEADERS (regular-season stats)
Scoring: Michael Jordan, 30.4 ppg
Rebounds: Dennis Rodman, 14.9 rpg
Assists: Scottie Pippen, 5.9 apg
Coach: Phil Jackson
Finals MVP: Michael Jordan




Hands down, the greatest team of all time. How can you choose another when these guys won 72 regular-season games and 14 of their first 15 in the postseason? The Bulls were so good they were first in both offensive and defensive efficiency, and outscored their opponents by 12.2 points per game -- I believe that record may never be broken.

With names like Jordan, Pippen, Rodman, and Toni Kukoc, not to mention a coach like Phil Jackson, this team was pretty much unbeatable -- in fact, seven of its playoff wins were by 17 points or more. The only nit to pick was the Bulls' consecutive losses to the Sonics in the Finals, but they were up 3-0 by then and seemingly bored with how good they were.


2. 1987 Los Angeles Lakers Score: 301.5
KEY FACTS
Regular-season record: 65-17
Postseason record: 15-3
Avg. scoring margin: +9.3
Avg. scoring margin, playoffs: +11.4
Finals result: Beat Boston, 4-2 LEADERS
Scoring: Magic Johnson, 23.9 ppg
Rebounds: A.C. Green, 7.9 rpg
Assists: Magic Johnson, 12.4 apg
Coach: Pat Riley
Finals MVP: Magic Johnson




Fittingly, the great Lakers and Celtics teams are in a virtual dead heat for second place. (You'll note that I just call the Lakers "Los Angeles" in this list -- no risk of confusing them with the Clippers here.) This L.A. team nudged ahead of Boston by virtue of winning 65 games in the regular season and then trashing the West -- 11 wins in 12 games -- to make the Finals. The Lakers beat the Celtics in six, and for the playoffs as a whole outscored their opponents by 205 points -- the best of any team on this list. Seven different players averaged double figures, led by Magic with 23.9 points per game.



3. 1986 Boston Celtics Score: 301.1
KEY FACTS
Regular-season record: 67-15
Postseason record: 15-3
Avg. scoring margin: +9.4
Avg. scoring margin, playoffs: +10.3
Finals result: Beat Houston, 4-2 LEADERS
Scoring: Larry Bird, 25.8 ppg
Rebounds: Larry Bird, 9.8 rpg
Assists: Larry Bird, 6.8 apg
Coach: K.C. Jones
Finals MVP: Larry Bird




The Celtics won 67 games in '86 behind the best frontcourt ever assembled -- Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parish and Bill Walton -- and followed it up by stampeding through the playoffs in 15 games. They rank behind L.A. mostly because their victory margin wasn't as strong in the playoffs. On the other hand, this isn't a bad list to be No. 3 on. And few teams will ever have five players averaging at least 15 a game in the playoffs, as Boston's legendary quintet did in this postseason.



4. 1991 Chicago Bulls Score: 294.5
KEY FACTS
Regular-season record: 61-21
Postseason record: 15-2
Avg. scoring margin: +9.1
Avg. scoring margin, playoffs: +11.6
Finals result: Beat Los Angeles, 4-1 LEADERS
Scoring: Michael Jordan, 31.5 ppg
Rebounds: Horace Grant, 8.4 rpg
Assists: Scottie Pippen, 6.2 apg
Coach: Phil Jackson
Finals MVP: Michael Jordan


The Bulls' first championship team "only" won 61 games, but had a very impressive victory margin (plus-9.1 per game, the sixth best on the list) and absolutely romped in the playoffs. Chicago's 15-2 mark in the postseason was amazing considering it knocked off a two-time champion in four games (Detroit) followed by a four-time champion in five (the Lakers). The Bulls' plus-11.6 playoff victory margin ranks second among the 60 teams. Only three players averaged double figures, but I guess that's not a problem when one of them scores 34.0 per game.





5. 1997 Chicago Bulls Score: 287.1
KEY FACTS
Regular-season record: 69-13
Postseason record: 15-4
Avg. scoring margin: +10.8
Avg. scoring margin, playoffs: +5.5
Finals result: Beat Utah, 4-2 LEADERS
Scoring: Michael Jordan, 29.6 ppg
Rebounds: Dennis Rodman, 16.1 rpg
Assists: Scottie Pippen, 5.7 apg
Coach: Phil Jackson
Finals MVP: Michael Jordan




So much for championship hangovers. The '96 Bulls were the best ever, but their successors weren't exactly chopped liver. Chicago won 69 games -- which would have tied the record were it not for the 72 wins the previous season -- and the Bulls' plus-10.8 average victory margin was also second only to the '96 edition. Their longest losing streak was two games, for crying out loud. They weren't quite as strong in the playoffs, needing six tough games to outlast the Jazz in the Finals and dropping two other postseason games, but they were plenty good. Amazingly, Jordan and Pippen were the only Bulls to average more than eight points a game in the postseason -- but 11 guys saw regular action.





6. 1985 Los Angeles Lakers Score: 280.3
KEY FACTS
Regular-season record: 62-20
Postseason record: 15-4
Avg. scoring margin: +7.4
Avg. scoring margin, playoffs: +10.7
Finals result: Beat Boston, 4-2 LEADERS
Scoring: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 22.0 ppg
Rebounds: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, 7.9 rpg
Assists: Magic Johnson, 12.6 apg
Coach: Pat Riley
Finals MVP: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar




The Lakers were so good in '85 and '87 that it's hard to fathom how they lost in five games to Houston in the year between. This edition won 62 games, went on an 11-2 romp through the Western Conference playoffs, then slew the leprechauns by winning Game 6 in Boston Garden to claim the title.



For the postseason, L.A.'s average scoring margin narrowly missed topping the list -- amazing considering the Lakers lost the "Boston Massacre" 148-114 in Game 1 of the Finals. But 10 of their 15 playoff wins came by 16 points or more -- including a win by 24 points or more in every round -- showing just how dominant these Lakers were.




7. 1992 Chicago Bulls Score: 277.3
KEY FACTS
Regular-season record: 67-15
Postseason record: 15-7
Avg. scoring margin: +10.4
Avg. scoring margin, playoffs: +6.2
Finals result: Beat Portland, 4-2 LEADERS
Scoring: Michael Jordan, 30.1 ppg
Rebounds: Horace Grant, 10.0 rpg
Assists: Scottie Pippen, 7.0 apg
Coach: Phil Jackson
Finals MVP: Michael Jordan





These Bulls had a great regular-season run, winning 67 games and joining the '96 and '97 editions as the only teams on the list to have an average scoring margin of plus-10 or more in the regular season. The playoffs were a different story, however -- the Knicks nearly knocked them off in Round 2, and they lost by 26 at home to Cleveland in the conference finals before righting their ship and winning the title. Their seven postseason losses are the most of any team in the top 15. As with the '97 team, everyone got involved -- the Bulls used 11 players regularly and clinched the title in Game 6 against Portland when 12th man Bobby Hansen led a huge fourth-quarter rally.





8. 1999 San Antonio Spurs Score: 268.2
KEY FACTS
Regular-season record: 37-13
Postseason record: 15-2
Avg. scoring margin: +8.1
Avg. scoring margin, playoffs: +7.2
Finals result: Beat New York, 4-1 LEADERS
Scoring: Tim Duncan, 21.7 ppg
Rebounds: Tim Duncan, 11.4 rpg
Assists: Avery Johnson, 7.4 apg
Coach: Gregg Popovich
Finals MVP: Tim Duncan





A forgotten great team because of the lockout, the Spurs began the year 6-8 … and then went 46-7 the rest of the way, with nary a losing streak. An awesome defensive squad led by big men David Robinson and Tim Duncan, San Antonio's 84.7 points allowed per game is far and away the least of any of these 60 squads. That 15-2 postseason mark ain't too shabby either, including sweeps of the Blazers and Lakers. So stingy was the defense that only twice in 17 playoff games did San Antonio's opponent muster 90 points.





9. 1983 Philadelphia 76ers Score: 265.3
KEY FACTS
Regular-season record: 65-17
Postseason record: 12-1
Avg. scoring margin: +8.1
Avg. scoring margin, playoffs: +7.2
Finals result: Beat Los Angeles, 4-0 LEADERS
Scoring: Moses Malone, 24.5 ppg
Rebounds: Moses Malone, 15.3 rpg
Assists: Maurice Cheeks, 6.9 apg
Coach: Billy Cunningham
Finals MVP: Moses Malone





The famous "fo', fo', fo'" team of Moses Malone had one of the all-time great playoff runs, winning 12 times in 13 games to give both Moses and Dr. J their only NBA title rings. Malone's playoff numbers were freakish: 26.0 points, 15.8 boards and 54 percent shooting.



The regular season wasn't too shabby either, with 65 wins, but Philly's victory margin in both the regular season and the playoffs wasn't quite on par with some of the other teams on this list, which is why the Sixers ended up a few spots lower than I suspect most folks would rank them.








10. 1989 Detroit Pistons Score: 262.7
KEY FACTS
Regular-season record: 63-19
Postseason record: 15-2
Avg. scoring margin: +5.8
Avg. scoring margin, playoffs: +7.7
Finals result: Beat Los Angeles, 4-0 LEADERS
Scoring: Adrian Dantley, 18.4 ppg
Rebounds: Bill Laimbeer, 9.6 rpg
Assists: Isiah Thomas, 8.7 apg
Coach: Chuck Daly
Finals MVP: Joe Dumars





The Pistons' first championship team came with something of an asterisk, since all the Lakers' players got hurt in the Finals. Still, Detroit put together a 15-2 finishing kick to get the rings, and that came on the heels of a 63-win regular season -- six games better than any other team that season. The Pistons didn't have a 20-point scorer, but went nine deep and played great defense. Of the 30 championship teams, only six made it through the tournament with two losses or fewer, and only four did so while winning at least 15 games. Speaking of which

Excellent! Thanks.

Fuckin'-a right! God, was this a great time.

Hell, dude - remember Bobby Hansen? I hadn't thought of him (or that run) in yeeeeaaars...back when the NBA was exciting.

Christ, were we spoiled or what?

There will never be a team that good again. Talent pool is too spread out and the league no longer allows that level of play with all the dumb hand checking rules and all the flops and nonsense.