The Onion: Final Season Of 'Lost' Promises To Make Fans More Annoying Than Ever

Remember when the Others were mysterious and bad ass?
Now they are a bunch of mindless sheep.

What do mindless sheep need?
A Shepard.

Did Dogen know that Flocke wouldn't/couldn't kill Sayid or is the only reason Sayid stabbing Flocke didn't work is because he waited until Flocke spoke before pluning the knife into his chest?

Sayid is dope that has been manipulated on the island, in flashbacks, in flash forwards and now flash sideways.

Looks like next week will be a Ben episode. Those have always been been good. High hopes.

I posted this in the Cinco thread and I feel it should be reprised and discussed here:

That is more or less the theory Doc Jensen was writing about yesterday.
Go to the EW site and give it a read.

Everyone has a scale that balances the good & evil inside them.

or whatever Dogen said last night.

I think the alt timeline will be a result of MIB being right, and that now that Jacob is finally gone everyone can go home and get on with their lives.

PS. I hope before this show is over we get to see Locke stab Jack right in the face.

This ought to piss off a few people. Even if it might answer a bunch of questions.
Episode 6x15 Across the Sea - No series regulars will appear

A 'Nikki & Paulo' ep?

Better than Nikki & Paulo, it's a Vincent episode!

I'm definitely pumped for that actually, assuming it will answer questions. (How could it not with so few episodes left at that point?)

Maybe that episode will focus on the "home" that MIB wants to return to.


Just grabbed this off Doc Jensen's analysis today. Pretty intriguing thought, and I know a few of us were questioning the move to Sunday for the finale:


Remember earlier when I talked about how Saul saw Jesus, was blinded with scales, and then three days later the scales fell off and he could see clearly again? From that day forward, Saul became a new creation. He called himself Paul. Now, check this out. Remember before the season began, when ABC released a trio of images that had the cast of Lost replicating Leonardo Da Vinci’s painting of The Last Supper? According to tradition, Jesus’ final meal with his disciples occurred on Thursday evening. The next day, on ’'Good Friday,’' Christ was crucified. Jesus was taken off the cross at sundown (although it had been oddly dark all day) and placed into a tomb. From there, the Christian messiah, God’s only begotten son, is said to have descended into hell to give Satan the finger. Sundown. Son Down. Now, think back to the season premiere, ’'LA X.’' The castaways arrived back on the Island in the evening. Last night’s episode was the first time we’ve seen evening on the Island since then, and based on what we’ve seen, I think it’s safe to say that only one day has passed since Team Jughead was uploaded to Island 2007. Oh, and in case you weren’t keeping track, Lost’s last season is now one-third complete. Six hours of Lost 6.0 = 1 day on the Island. 18 hours on Lost 6.0 = 3 days. If we say that ’'LA X’' was Maundy Thursday, and if ’'Sundown’' was Good Friday, then will the show’s final hour be... Easter Sunday. And you know what happened on Easter? Resurrection. I’m telling you, folks, Alpha, the god of beginnings is coming back to balance the scales, but this time he’ll be wearing a whole new body, because he’s going to be a whole new creation: the resurrected John Locke.

this would have been better executed if the show were to end a month from now on easter sunday

There's no way the producers would be able to convince ABC to air the finale outside of sweeps month.

I'm guessing Dharma Michigan and/or Widmore.

I like how we have two parallel Lost threads active. Which one is the "sideways" one?

weren't we promised a little bit of

Spoiler/NSFW: click to show/hide

michigan (ie degroots)

goddamn you tracy

Supposedly it takes place in the year 23 A.D. and will feature the young versions of Jakob and the MIB


Maybe, Ben knows Sayid is a candidate?

That's my best shitty guess

I can't tell if you're joking or not in that spoiler.

Ben's got one last shot at redeeming himself or taking all the glory he once had. If he got Saayid in hand, he could go either way.

EDIT: Where was Ben by episode end? I forget.

Not a joke.






Last time we saw Ben, he was running out of the hot tub room.

why am i reading the spoilers
i dont want to know this

Season 2, in a Michael flashback, Jakob patted Vincent on the head. Further proof that Vincent is a candidate.

Last we saw Vincent, he was enjoying retirement with Rose & Bernard in the 1970s. Since we did not see a dog skeleton with the Adam & Eve skeletons, Vincent could still be alive. That means that Vincent was either Richard Alpert-ized by Jacob and never ages or Flocke turned him into Zombie Vincent.

Maybe he, Rose, and Bernie all made the jump to 2007, as well...? It could happen.

Interesting theory over at Doc Jansen…

Dogen and Lennon dying in the healing hot tub somehow restores it’s curative powers. Thus allowing Jack to eventually dig up dead Locke’s body and drag it over to the Lazarus Pit and bring Locke back to life.

I do think that the vial around Dogen's neck will end up having significance, and if it contained ashes from a previous incarnation of Jacob, that might bring balance back to the pool.

But I'm not sure why Doc Jensen is so obsessed with Locke getting resurrected. He's been dead for several days, and now he's in the ground. So Jack is going to find his grave, dig his rotting corpse up and carry it to the temple? If Terry O'Quinn wasn't still featured in the show I might be able to buy this theory, but if anything, "Locke" is a more compelling character now than he's ever been.

I've thought for two years that Jack = Jacob. In fact, I was pretty surprised when we saw another actor as Jacob last season's finale. And I still think that when all is said and done, Jack will end up sitting on the beach with another Man In Black. Locke. The man of science vs the man of faith. This show has pitted the two of them against each other from day one.

I didn't like this theory at first, but I think he actually makes a pretty convincing argument. If memory serves, wasn't Ben digging up Locke's grave in the preview for tonight's episode?

Lost season 6 episode titles. Episode 9 is supposed to be about everyone’s favorite man in guy liner. I also read that the man in black has a enemy that is not Jacob.



Episode 1: LAX
Episode 2: LAX (2)
Episode 3: What Kate Does
Episode 4: The Substitute
Episode 5: Lighthouse
Episode 6: Sundown
Episode 7: Dr. Linus
Episode 8: Recon
Episode 9: Ab Aeterno
Episode 10: The Package
Episode 11: Happily Ever After
Episode 12: Everybody Loves Hugo

I thought the preview was trying to imply that Ben was digging his own grave.
i could be wrong.

101 Lost Shirts

Some are good, some are bad.

is it just me or is this the first classic episode of this season?

Wow, awesome episode. Nice to finally get to finally see that Ben is not evil to the core.

So I'm guessing everyone who miraculously survived the plane crash was touched by Jacob in the past.

I never knew that meeting one's demise consisted of being randomly shown disproportionate mercy, before tonight's episode. You learn something new every day, right?

Heh yeah, that promo just reeked of BS from a mile away. Although technically I guess you could say he came face to face with his own demise...in a manner of speaking. Still though...BS trailer is BS.

during the promo last week i more or less predicted this weeks episode to a friend. the phrasing is what gave it away. "faces his demise?" way too open to interpretation. but also, lost isn't the type of show that spoils major plot points for ratings boosts, so there was little reason to believe it to be anything other than an over-zealous marketing ploy.

anyhow, had a theory during tonight's episode, one that i'm sure has been said before, but whatever. since this season is mirroring s1, what if these flash sideways are also reversed. as in, season one showed us the lives of the characters before the island, what if we're seeing their lives afterwards? meaning, not an alternate timeline, not a what if world, but that we've been watching the end of the show all along? i know that abrams and co. have mentioned the sopranos-like ending that's in store, and what if the show just basically ends without providing us a concrete answer about who lives, where they go, what happens to them, etc. what if we're being assured, subtly, that everything is going to turn out (mostly) alright?

maybe it was the ben storyline that got me thinking this. how great was it to see him make the right decisions, to accept his position and do good for once? i hated alex on the island, but other than the actress looking a little old for high school, she had a nice rapport with dr. linus. even if ben couldn't remember his relationship with her as his daughter, he still did right by her. it was a really great touch. which again, makes me think this is all going to come true. what if everyone, post show, has a chance to do right by their families and by each other? even sayid saved his brother and nadia (and jin) last week. has anyone been worse off in the non-island scenes than they were before the island? and think about the people who they come into contact with. many of these side characters are the ones ben, sayid, locke, etc. would make deals to help, to save, to have another chance with.

i dunno. either way, i haven't been this pumped about lost since last season finale. what a great episode.

I like this, though I don't totally understand it. So you're saying this isn't a flash sideways as we've constantly been told, but pretty much a flash forward from things that are happening on the island?

I do agree that we've seen many characters having positive lives off the island, excluding Rose/Bernard and maybe even Sun/Jin (we need to see why Chewie was in a freezer).

So is Widmore #108?

Where the hell is Sawyer?

This one and The Substitute are both classics in my opinion. Easily the best flash sideways story so far and I loved Jack and Richard's scene at the Black Rock. Wish I hadn't seen Alan Dale's name at the beginning though, kindof gave away the ending.

yeah, that's what i meant to say. the whole ending hypothesis would mean that the two timelines finally connect at the end of the last episode, that we won't know that this has been a flash forward until the end. i have no idea how they would get there, with all this jacob/mibusiness, and with widmore about to jump in the fray, but at this point in the season, i could see no other justification with spending all this time off island.

How can the flash sideways be a flash forward if Charlie & Boone are alive and Aaron has been stuffed back into Claire's stomach?

And I'm not sure that everyone is better off in the flash sideways yet. Ben did seem better. Locke seemed not far removed from his other self even with the wife. Jack was maybe different, but hardly better, divorced and estranged from his kid. Sayid is still solving his problems with violence. Kate was still on the run. Claire was still giving up her kid. Jin being locked up in a freezer can't be good.

I'm not sure what the flash sideways are, but I think there is a lot of counter evidence that it is not some post island future. And I don't think the flash sideways are showing alternative lives that are universally more positive that their island experiences. With the exception of Ben I'd even argue that the island experiences have been more positive for a number of the characters, particularly Kate and Locke.

Right now I'm more inclined to believe that the flash sideways are what would have happened to the characters had Jacob not interfered with their lives. But I also don't think there is enough evidence for that.

This. And the flash-sideways aren't showing better lives for the characters, it's showing the characters as better people. Kate cares about people other than herself. Locke isn't such a grump. Jack is comfortable with his daddy issues. Ben chooses family/friends over ambition. The one exception is Sayid, who still ends up being a merciless killer. He's also the only one who has been corrupted by FLocke in the island timeline, so there's definitely something there.

Wonderful episode tonight, Ben has always been a great character. Can't say I'm a fan of the way they're portraying the two sides so far though, with Team Jacob = Good and Team FLocke = Bad. I really don't feel like it should be that cut and dry, but they're bending over backwards to simplify the conflict to that level.

Wasn't Claire supposedly taken over by the Smoke monster, too? I get your point ^^^ overall, but that one is unclear right now.

I've been thinking for awhile that Locke is the key and that he is still the one...

Last night's episode was indeed the best thus far. Really well done...here's hoping they keep this up.

F'ing incredible. From the Napoleon references in the first minutes, to seeing Daddy Linus/Alex/Aaartnz one more time, to Jack doing something right for a change--AND ALL IN FAITH!, to Ben's redemption, and then Widmore on the horizon (which I said was going to happen)....a Desmond episode in Ben's clothing.

I told my mocospace LOST discussion friends that this show could easily be called BALANCE. These characters are struggling to find the balance between the light and the dark in all of themselves, and in the flash sideways scenarios thus far they seem to be finding them.

).


YES. YES. YES! And the key word you have in parantheses is "mostly". It's about BALANCE.

A mocospace fan proposes that MiB and Jacob are the split between ONE ENTITY. They are in struggle because they ARE NOT IN BALANCE.

EDIT: In the flash sideways, Sayid might not be completely there, but whatever he has to do for Jin will complete it.

No complaints here--that episode was GREAT. I do sort of wonder at the whole Jacob = good, MIB = bad thing. Really, this whole show has practically focused on everyone's duality, or uncertain motives. How many times have we been led to think that one person is probably BAD, only to then have our focus shifted, their character deepened, and we see them as potentially GOOD, or at least conflicted? Heck, everyone the Losties have ever encountered has undergone a similar arc...the Others, Juliet, Ben, etc. I suppose at some point they've got to paint characters as just GOOD or just BAD, as they seem to especially be doing with MIB. I sort of miss the "twist"--which maybe is still forthcoming, but I doubt it at this point.

And boy, the Christ allegories are just piling up, aren't they? Jacob is fast becoming a stand-in for Jesus, with everyone's faith and doubt in him starting to sound very Biblical.

Ooh. Maybe Jesus was once a candidate? Maybe Jacob was once Jesus?

the main reason i'm subscribing to this idea is that the what-if hypothesis would mean that most of the flashes would be redundant. we get it, their lives would be very different, but they make some of the same mistakes, but correct others. and most of their lives have been better. maybe not their lives, but they have been. jack is estranged, but deciding to man up and become a better father. kate is still on the run, but learning to help others without hurting or using them. and claire was going to give up her kid, but isn't anymore. all of the parental/familial issues are becoming resolves. see: the photo of locke and his father. even charlie, who we last saw od'ing on the plane still has a chance at reconciliation with his brother. or with claire? the show isn't over yet, and neither are these flashes, so i'm going to guess that we see the losties finding their way towards balance. again, another possible piece of evidence from last night: ben and his father. i've read some recaps mention them as another instance of lost's myriad daddy issues, but their relationship was one of love and responsibility, albeit with some sad bitterness. it seemed to me to be entirely opposed to the standard oedipal conflicts the show traffics in.

also, why couldn't dead characters be alive again? it's no less plausible than anything else on this show. jacob made all kinds of offers to save various characters, seen others revived. and we've seen timeline shifts, resets. i don't see how this is any less ludicrous. also, maybe this is why these characters come into contact with important people from their island lives, without remembering them. it could be part of the deal, that they get to return to their loved ones, they just can't realize it. also, i wouldn't be shocked if the show tips its hand soon, letting us know that the flashes are a direct continuation of the same timeline, shifting our anxiety about events to the future, while showing us how everything played out to that point. the creators have all insisted that this is a show about characters, so i wouldn't put this past them.




this.

seriously, i haven't considered this til now, but it makes a lot of sense. these flashes aren't happy endings, but relatively realistic compromises over flawed existences. kate is still a fugitive. how happy could her situation be? it's better to love and care for others, than to be stuck in an infinity loop of selfishness and poor decisions. considering lost's predilection for emotional montages, i'm thinking we're going to have a wire-style conclusion, where we get to see snippets of the lives of every character. some will be happy, others not as much. but for the most part, they're going to be better people than they were before the show started.

until last night i was disappointed with this season, but all of a sudden i'm totally invested in these characters again. also, how great was it to see jack and company back on the beach again? i fucking love this show again. and in the middle of the season too. who've thought?

The scene that was missing from Ben's flash sideways was Rousseau showing up for a parent teacher conference with Ben. She could have pulled a knife on Ben and accused him of stealing the affections of her daughter. "You're not her father!" she'd scream as she ran out of the room.

why is widmore coming back now? and how the shit has he been able to find it so fast after the island moved?

Same way the Temple was a big mystery for about 3 and a half seasons, but now characters walk in and out of it like it's the Peach Pit.

Season is picking up, though, for sure. I've enjoyed it lately.

"Fast"? Speed is a relative term, as you know, when it comes to this show.

It's about choices. Free will. Agency. Whatever term you like, it's all the same. Whether in the flash sideways, or on The Island. Or in the '70s, or the future. These people face the same basic dilemmas over and over. In some realities, they choose one way. In others, they choose otherwise. All that seems to unite these decisions is that they're made. Not lightly or by accident. And they have consequences seen and not seen.

And I know how Romper Room this all sounds, but every week I watch people grapple not with Destiny, the existence of which appears plainly in doubt now that Jacob seems as reprehensible as the MiB, but with how to decide, and what, and why.

Maybe Jacob represents Light, or Good, and the MiB Dark, or Bad. Maybe. But Jacob's hands are as bloody as his opposite's (and if you know your Bible, you'll know God's are said to be "bloody with sacrifice") and whether he guards the Island from harm or from nothing is unclear. All the answers seem unclear.

Ain't that a kick in the teeth?

The answers do not tell us whether Good & Evil or Light & Dark ever do more than balance, or whether that means anything to the "fate of humanity" (or some equally ponderous phrase.) The answers tell us how, what and why people decided what they decided, and what happened as a result. Maybe all the answers will lead to a single point, or destiny, or truth, but aren't all such just cheats at the end?

Isn't a single, unifying truth just the ultimate kind of death?

In a universe where anything can happen, anything can happen. Meaning Destiny can't cover all the variables. Meaning the "point" of LOST is as trite as a Rush lyric. Only variables and more variables as a result of those chosen. No destiny; no unifying purpose. No great mystery revealed. "Truth" is just one more construct to allow us a reason for choosing, whatever we choose, again and again.





















(So, yeah, I used the meaning of "Prime Mover," by Rush, to explain almost six years' worth of the most confounding, obtuse and enigmatic television drama in my lifetime. My work here is done.)