Come on People, you know this is going to be awesome--all I need is one little prompt...just one reason...someone, anyone? You won't be sorry...

okay i'll bite, tell me about it.

I was dating this girl--who I will refer to as Dee--who hacked into my computer so she could keep tabs on me through my email and facebook. My computer was acting funny and I knew something was up and I knew she knows alot about computers, so I was pretty certain it waas her, but then I found out for sure through her nephew. Well, I was also seeing this 37 year old chick (we'll call her J)who is...a virgin. She went out with some guy for 9 years, was engaged and all, but they never had sex-sex. They did other things, but not the actual in-out. She was really tall, almost 6 foot, but she had a smokin body, great nipples, nice butt, etc. I did ask her to trim her poo-tang however, which she did. But the weird thing about her was 1) she was going bald on top--swear to god. and 2) she wouldnt do anything without first conferring with her cadre of internet friends. Like trimming her pooh-tang, she had to ask all of her friends first if she should do this. Also she was really into masterbation. She liked yanking my chain while fingering herself and all of that. So anyway, Dee the hacker finds this girl JJs email and starts emailing her mesages pretending to be me. She says some crazy sheet and obviously jj gets upset with me. So I tell jj it is some girl I dated once or twice who is just crazy, etc, etc. and JJ seems to understan, but then I find out that Dee had taken video of me and her doing the do and she emailed it to JJ. The problem here is that I told JJ I had never done the do with Dee, plus in the video I have this one special move that I pull on the ladies, that most guys dont do, its sort of a signature move, and seeing me doing this move on Dee makes JJ outraged. So now they both hate me. And guess what. My divorce was just finalized today, so now I'm officially a free man.
Life is good.

The obvious response is... uh, the move, please. Give it to us. Now!

that's not so weird

It's weird that he thinks we believe women speak to him, Waylon.

Ha ha ha ha ha! So funny.

If I were to give it to you, you would have to promise to send me $1.37 every time you use it!

$5.48 a year? sure, spill it.

I dont want everyone on here knowing what it is, so I'll have to send you a personal message, complete with illustrations, diagrams, graphs and a pie chart... if that's ok.

honesty in key in a relationship ace.

i get enough porn diagram PMs from dero as is, so no that's ok

I never thought someone could be put on ignore so quickly.

Well if I was honest I would have told Dee that I only hang out with her cuz she gives good head, and I would have told jj to buy some frickin hairplugs. And then I wouldnt have had a relationship with either of them. So I think your advice is crap...




I just noticed that people can make comments on your profile. Look at what these folks left on mine:

Mitchell
Ace, I really hope you end your days with your tiny penis being pushed through a cheese grater.
10 Apr 2009 - 16:45

Soma
Every thread you start is awful.
1 Apr 2009 - 22:12

Arthur Pendragon
I would love to give you zero stars but sadly, the forum doesn't allow that.
31 Mar 2009 - 16:36

JeffTweedysFatSt...
just a bad all round poster
8 Mar 2009 - 19:44



Lacking a bit in creativity, arent they? Anyone remember the good old days when people used to really rip on Ace and hold nothing back...ahh, the memories.

if you were honest you might not be in you're 40's, alone and posting on the SOMB.

Deep down, we are all alone, Larry. Besides, I'm totally honest to people I love and respect. I only lie to females whose pants I'm trying to get into. And so far, its been working pretty good. The problem really is that man is not wired to be monogomous. We have thousands of years of evolutionary hunter/gathering in our dna, not to mention the instinct to repopulate our species. This urges make it impossible to be honest in a society that revolves around hollywood romantic comedy ideas of man-woman relationships. I've evolved ot a point where I honestly dont give a rat's patootie if a girl I'm with lusts for other men and acts on that lust. Why should that hurt me? And if it doesnt hurt me, then why should it hurt a girl if I act on my lust of other women?

cool.

So you agree?

you pretty much summed up a great recipe for dying alone and lonely.

so.....cool.

when you're old it doesn't come as easy you know.

So this weekend I hooked up with an older woman, she's not a raving beauty but that's okay. She was very skilled in the bedroom and she starts telling me about this adult-only nudist camp she belongs to across the border in Indiana-she actually owns a camper there. She says there is partner-swapping and lots of swinging that goes on there in the summer and she asked me if I'd like to spend valentine's weekend there with her...
I havent answered her yet...

cool.

maybe you will get aids!!

Awh, you're just jealous cuz you've never smelt a woman's vagina before.
You know, I think I might be immune to AIDS anyways.

just never smelt a bald womans vagina.

Oh, you've only smelt a bald woman's ass then, I take it. Hey, dont knock it til you try it Junior.

ya got me ace!!

Good God, Ace is back again?

Some things never change.

/end scene.