Eva Longoria: Ob-Seen From Space
Filed in in Celebrity Astronime Domini
Space: The last vestige of manhood. We imagine cosmonauts and the like to spend their days eating giant bowls of nachos, unabashedly beefing in enclosed spaces, and crotch scratching to their heart's content.
That big black vacuum is every astronaut's proverbial fortress of solitude. While out there, no one can tell him to take out the garbage. No one can tell him to change the channel to Gilmore Girls real quick, or ask them if they think they look more or less hefty in that purple striped dress with the dumb silky lace sleeves. Hello! You've had that thing since high school!
Back on topic, it is only up there, from the celestial cosmos, that spacemen can fully appreciate the super-sized magazine cover peep show Eva Longoria is putting on for astronaut eyes only. And for the eyes of anyone in a passing aeroplane. And anyone generally considered very tall.
To celebrate its 100th issue, Maxim magazine has slapped a 75 foot by 110 foot magazine cover of Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria on mesh, and spread it out in the Las Vegas desert. The two dimensional sanctuary is so big it can be seen from the very black of space. It took nine workers 15 hours to build, and can actually be seen on Google Earth.
Eva sat at the pinnacle of Maxim's hot 100 list in 2005, hence her selection as the supersized lust bucket. She said this of her dubious honour:
"Leave it to Maxim to do something so creative and so wild to celebrate their 100th issue. I guess space is no longer the final frontier! I am flattered, to say the least, to be TV's Sexiest Earthling."
The stunt is part of a several day Maxim event - all celebrating their big 100th issue. Other activities include a golf tournament, where all the little dimpled golf balls will be clad in especially revealing one-piecers, and poker games exclusively for mechanics with Pennzoil trapped under their fingernails. There will also be a Maxim staff knuckle typing contest. Most of their employees are said to be quite good. The balls will actually be naked, and the poker game is not really restricted to mechanics. Their staff probably does type with their knuckles, though. We said probably.
The Eva Longoria desert homage includes a two mile canyon of Longoria's stinky cleave, or so we're told by the shifty man currently dating our mother. We think his name is Zoran. In the pic, Eva's posing in a sexy two-piece, and due to what's likely faulty airbrushing, may or may not display several whiteheads the size of extraordinary honeydew.
If you'd like to see them lanced, you'll need to write Maxim directly.