Here's a couple:
After an exhausting labor, the doctor presents the newborn to her mother.
The mother reaches out to hold her daughter for the first time: "Oh, she's beaut--"
Suddenly, the doctor snatches the child back, slams it to the ground, picks it up, swings it around by its leg, and throws it across the room.
"OH MY GOD NO WHATAREYOUDOING?!!!"
"Heh, I'm just kidding. She was already dead."
Santa Claus is on a guided tour of Ethiopia.
He sees lots of thin children running around and asks the guide why these children are so thin.
The guide answers: "Well, because they don't eat".
Santa Claus thinks for a moment and they says: "Well, if they don't eat, they won't be getting any toys from me".
Full Version: Offensive Jokes
What do you call it when you mix Pabst Blue Ribbon and Smirnoff Ice? A Pabst-Smir.
QUOTE(Tony @ Feb 2 2006, 05:55 PM) [snapback]10105[/snapback]
Here's a couple:
After an exhausting labor, the doctor presents the newborn to her mother.
The mother reaches out to hold her daughter for the first time: "Oh, she's beaut--"
Suddenly, the doctor snatches the child back, slams it to the ground, picks it up, swings it around by its leg, and throws it across the room.
"OH MY GOD NO WHATAREYOUDOING?!!!"
"Heh, I'm just kidding. She was already dead."
Oh, man...oh, geez...I laughed so hard but I feel so, so guilty...I'm stopping at church on the way home.
An Indian man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.
"Yes, how can I help?" asks St Peter.
"I'm here to meet Jesus," says the Indian man.
St Peter looks over his shoulder and shouts, "Jesus, your cab is here!"
*************
A Catholic priest, a Boy Scout leader and a lawyer take some boys out on an adventure trip. On the flight over, there is engine trouble and the plane is about to go down.
"We have a problem", says the pilot. "There are only three parachutes!"
The Boy Scout leader suggests they give them to the boys.
"Screw the boys," shouts the lawyer.
"Is there time?" asks the priest.
Here's a site with a shitload of dead baby jokes on it. I love dead baby jokes.
http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/introduction.htm
"Yes, how can I help?" asks St Peter.
"I'm here to meet Jesus," says the Indian man.
St Peter looks over his shoulder and shouts, "Jesus, your cab is here!"
*************
A Catholic priest, a Boy Scout leader and a lawyer take some boys out on an adventure trip. On the flight over, there is engine trouble and the plane is about to go down.
"We have a problem", says the pilot. "There are only three parachutes!"
The Boy Scout leader suggests they give them to the boys.
"Screw the boys," shouts the lawyer.
"Is there time?" asks the priest.
Here's a site with a shitload of dead baby jokes on it. I love dead baby jokes.
http://www.dead-baby-joke.com/introduction.htm
A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few pointers before starting.
"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."
At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index."
-----------------------------------------------------
A man went into a grocery store, got 3 cans of dog food, and walked up to the checkout counter.
The cashier asks the man, "Sir, do you own a dog?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have the dog with you?"
The man replies, "No, I left it at home."
The cashier then says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this dog food unless I see your dog."
A few days later the man walks into the same store, gets 3 cans of cat food, and walks up to the checkout counter.
The same cashier asks, "Sir, do you own a cat?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have your cat with you?"
And the man replies, "No, I left it at home."
Then the cashier says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this cat food unless I see your cat."
A few days later the man walks into the store, this time carrying a paper bag. He walks up to the same cashier, and asks him to put his hand into the bag.
The cashier says, "It feels warm, soft, and gooey."
The man then says, "Now, can I go back and get 3 rolls of toilet paper?"
"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."
At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the dead man's anus, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes silence, they follow suit.
"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index."
-----------------------------------------------------
A man went into a grocery store, got 3 cans of dog food, and walked up to the checkout counter.
The cashier asks the man, "Sir, do you own a dog?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have the dog with you?"
The man replies, "No, I left it at home."
The cashier then says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this dog food unless I see your dog."
A few days later the man walks into the same store, gets 3 cans of cat food, and walks up to the checkout counter.
The same cashier asks, "Sir, do you own a cat?"
The man replies, "Yes I do."
The cashier then asks, "Do you have your cat with you?"
And the man replies, "No, I left it at home."
Then the cashier says, "I'm sorry, but I can't sell you this cat food unless I see your cat."
A few days later the man walks into the store, this time carrying a paper bag. He walks up to the same cashier, and asks him to put his hand into the bag.
The cashier says, "It feels warm, soft, and gooey."
The man then says, "Now, can I go back and get 3 rolls of toilet paper?"
Jesus was sitting on the side of the road when he sees an depressed looking elderly man walking towards him. "Why are you so sad?" Jesus asks. "Well," the old man says "I'm looking for my son who I haven't seen in a while." Jesus replied "Could you describe your son?" the old man said "Nothing really special about the way he looks except he has rather sizable holes in his arms and legs." Jesus's eyes widened as he exlaimed "Dad!" The old man also lit up and replied "Pinnochio!"
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
Dress her up as an altar boy.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
Why does Micheal Jackson touch kids?
cos he's a paedophile.
cos he's a paedophile.
you brits are a hoot
If Marilyn Monroe was alive today, what would she be doing?
Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
Clawing at the lid of her coffin.
QUOTE(Mitchell Stirling @ Feb 2 2006, 05:31 PM) [snapback]10235[/snapback]
Ha! Along these same lines:
http://www.mightymcpilgrim.com/films/brokemac/
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A quadriplegic after a house fire.
Why are there not many blacks on the starship enterprise?
Because even in the future most blacks won't work.
Why do spics stink?
So blind people can hate them too.
A quadriplegic after a house fire.
Why are there not many blacks on the starship enterprise?
Because even in the future most blacks won't work.
Why do spics stink?
So blind people can hate them too.
What is red and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
A homesick abortion.
QUOTE(geoneb @ Feb 2 2006, 09:50 PM) [snapback]10328[/snapback]
What is red and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
We have a winner.
/end thread.
What's the hardest part of inline skating?
Telling your dad you're gay.
What did Hellen Keller name her dog?
Arrahahruuggh! (or other general deaf-person-sounding gibberish)
Telling your dad you're gay.
What did Hellen Keller name her dog?
Arrahahruuggh! (or other general deaf-person-sounding gibberish)
So racist jokes are okay? Or will the liberal/PC police be out in full effect?
QUOTE(Freddie Freelance @ Feb 2 2006, 04:02 PM) [snapback]10120[/snapback]
What do you call it when you mix Pabst Blue Ribbon and Smirnoff Ice? A Pabst-Smir.
Wrong, you call it a good tuesday
QUOTE(Some Girl @ Feb 2 2006, 08:20 PM) [snapback]10325[/snapback]
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A quadriplegic after a house fire.
Why are there not many blacks on the starship enterprise?
Because even in the future most blacks won't work.
Why do spics stink?
So blind people can hate them too.
DAMN SG, all the dirty jokes come out and you jump right into the racist ones. I tip my hat to you.
What's pink, hard, 12 inches long, and drives women mad?
Crib death.
What the worst part about having sex with a 5-year old?
Getting the blood off your clown shoes.
Crib death.
What the worst part about having sex with a 5-year old?
Getting the blood off your clown shoes.
What goes crack when you fuck it.
An eight year old boy's pelvis.
An eight year old boy's pelvis.
slightly off-topic.
What's up with the blonde joke that's been going around? someone on a blog or whatever will say, "hey, check out this great blonde joke. best one ever!", or something of the sort, then provide you a link to the supposed blonde joke. Then you find that the person on the following linked page is touting the same joke, again providing only a link to supposed blonde joke, endlessly repeating this blonde joke tease.
(this is where someone derisively asks me where the hell I have been and that this gag has been going on for 3 years.)
What's up with the blonde joke that's been going around? someone on a blog or whatever will say, "hey, check out this great blonde joke. best one ever!", or something of the sort, then provide you a link to the supposed blonde joke. Then you find that the person on the following linked page is touting the same joke, again providing only a link to supposed blonde joke, endlessly repeating this blonde joke tease.
(this is where someone derisively asks me where the hell I have been and that this gag has been going on for 3 years.)
Anythings fair game I think.
I saw Boondocks Saints once, it was kind of bad, but there was redeeming quality, and it was this joke from it.
There's these three guys walking on the beach, a spic, a white guy, and a black guy. So they find this pot, rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says, "You can wish for whatever you want." So he asks the Mexican what he wants, and he says "I want all my people in America to be happy and free, and in Mexico." So the genie goes poof. It's done. Then he says to the black guy "What do you want?" and the nigger says, "I want all my nigger brothers to be back in Africa, and happy and free and everything." So the genie goes poof. And they're all back in Africa.so he says to the white guy, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me that all the spics and niggers are out of America?" The genie goes yeah, and the white guy says, uh, "I'll have a Coke, then."
I saw Boondocks Saints once, it was kind of bad, but there was redeeming quality, and it was this joke from it.
There's these three guys walking on the beach, a spic, a white guy, and a black guy. So they find this pot, rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says, "You can wish for whatever you want." So he asks the Mexican what he wants, and he says "I want all my people in America to be happy and free, and in Mexico." So the genie goes poof. It's done. Then he says to the black guy "What do you want?" and the nigger says, "I want all my nigger brothers to be back in Africa, and happy and free and everything." So the genie goes poof. And they're all back in Africa.so he says to the white guy, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me that all the spics and niggers are out of America?" The genie goes yeah, and the white guy says, uh, "I'll have a Coke, then."
What's the best thing about a 6 year old girl in the shower?
She looks like a 6 year old boy.
What's Blue and Orange and soaking wet?
A dead baby with deflated floaters.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot of its head.
She looks like a 6 year old boy.
What's Blue and Orange and soaking wet?
A dead baby with deflated floaters.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot of its head.
i just don't get the kid jokes. is it just nervous laughter all around when those are told? like dead baby jokes are one thing, the babies are dead, big deal. but kiddie porn jokes are just weird. like, who laughs at those? i'm not casting judgement (i don't care what you laugh at), i'm just curious.
A classic collection to offend almost everyone:
What do you call a Mexican in a three piece suit?
The defendant.
______________
Why do some Indians wear turbans, others have dots on their forehead?
The dots are push-start. The turbans are pull.
_____________________
What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
____________
How many White Anglo Saxon Protestants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.
One to mix martinis, the other to call an electrician.
____________________________
How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw the bulb in; the other four to write a book about the experience.
______________________________________
How was the limbo invented?
A Jew trying to get into a pay toilet.
__________________
Four gay guys, only one bar stool. How do you make everyone comfortable?
Turn the stool over.
What do you call a Mexican in a three piece suit?
The defendant.
______________
Why do some Indians wear turbans, others have dots on their forehead?
The dots are push-start. The turbans are pull.
_____________________
What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
____________
How many White Anglo Saxon Protestants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two.
One to mix martinis, the other to call an electrician.
____________________________
How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to screw the bulb in; the other four to write a book about the experience.
______________________________________
How was the limbo invented?
A Jew trying to get into a pay toilet.
__________________
Four gay guys, only one bar stool. How do you make everyone comfortable?
Turn the stool over.
What do Michael Jackson and K-Mart have in common?
Both have boys' underwear half off.
What's the difference between Courtney Love and a smart midget?
Well, one is a cunning runt...
Why don't blacks and Mexicans marry?
Their kids would be too lazy to steal.
Both have boys' underwear half off.
What's the difference between Courtney Love and a smart midget?
Well, one is a cunning runt...
Why don't blacks and Mexicans marry?
Their kids would be too lazy to steal.
QUOTE(Undercooked Sausage @ Feb 3 2006, 01:33 AM) [snapback]10401[/snapback]
There's these three guys walking on the beach, a spic, a white guy, and a black guy. So they find this pot, rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says, "You can wish for whatever you want." So he asks the Mexican what he wants, and he says "I want all my people in America to be happy and free, and in Mexico." So the genie goes poof. It's done. Then he says to the black guy "What do you want?" and the nigger says, "I want all my nigger brothers to be back in Africa, and happy and free and everything." So the genie goes poof. And they're all back in Africa.so he says to the white guy, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me that all the spics and niggers are out of America?" The genie goes yeah, and the white guy says, uh, "I'll have a Coke, then."
Huh, Harry Belafonte tells the same joke in Robert Altman's 'Kansas City', but the setting is heaven and St. Peter while the white guy asks for a martini instead.
OT still, I would like to see a movie comprised of jokes told by characters in other movies.
Why did the black man move to Detroit?
He heard there were no jobs there.
He heard there were no jobs there.
A Native American runs into his white friend and they strike up a conversation. Before long, the Native American fella starts complaining: "You can't trust the white man", he says. "I hate the white man. He took all of our land". Upon hearing this, the white man kicks the Native American square in the sack. "There", he says, " I just gave you back a couple of achers [sic]".
Little Billy goes to his friends birthday party.
After the presents are opened the mother of billy's friend brings out the entertainment...a Magician.
The magician does all his tricks and Billy is awestruck...now Billy wants to learn magic.
after the magic tricks he asks the magician if he could teach him some tricks.
The magician agrees and tells Billy to meet him after school for his first lesson.
So the next day after school Billy rushes to the magician's house to learn the tricks of the trade.
the magic man takes billy into his home and brings him in the back room where all his Magic stuff is stored.
The magician tells billy to get ready for his first trick. he asks billy to drop his trousers and turn around.
Billy is a little freaked out by this but after some prodding finally agrees.
Now the magician gets up behind him and Billy feels a poking in his ass.
The magician asks "Now Billy, does that feel like a thumb in your butt?
Billy agrees with a grimace..."yes"
The magician reaches around with both hands and gives billy the two thumbs up in his face.
Prestooooo!!!!!
After the presents are opened the mother of billy's friend brings out the entertainment...a Magician.
The magician does all his tricks and Billy is awestruck...now Billy wants to learn magic.
after the magic tricks he asks the magician if he could teach him some tricks.
The magician agrees and tells Billy to meet him after school for his first lesson.
So the next day after school Billy rushes to the magician's house to learn the tricks of the trade.
the magic man takes billy into his home and brings him in the back room where all his Magic stuff is stored.
The magician tells billy to get ready for his first trick. he asks billy to drop his trousers and turn around.
Billy is a little freaked out by this but after some prodding finally agrees.
Now the magician gets up behind him and Billy feels a poking in his ass.
The magician asks "Now Billy, does that feel like a thumb in your butt?
Billy agrees with a grimace..."yes"
The magician reaches around with both hands and gives billy the two thumbs up in his face.
Prestooooo!!!!!
Q.) Didja' hear what the black kid got for Christmas?
A.) My bike.
A.) My bike.
QUOTE(Undercooked Sausage @ Feb 3 2006, 12:33 AM) [snapback]10401[/snapback]
Anythings fair game I think.
I saw Boondocks Saints once, it was kind of bad, but there was redeeming quality, and it was this joke from it.
There's these three guys walking on the beach, a spic, a white guy, and a black guy. So they find this pot, rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says, "You can wish for whatever you want." So he asks the Mexican what he wants, and he says "I want all my people in America to be happy and free, and in Mexico." So the genie goes poof. It's done. Then he says to the black guy "What do you want?" and the nigger says, "I want all my nigger brothers to be back in Africa, and happy and free and everything." So the genie goes poof. And they're all back in Africa.so he says to the white guy, "What's your one wish?" And the white guy says, "Wait, you mean to tell me that all the spics and niggers are out of America?" The genie goes yeah, and the white guy says, uh, "I'll have a Coke, then."
Boondock Saints is a classic. Great flick.
QUOTE(huh? @ Feb 3 2006, 12:30 AM) [snapback]10398[/snapback]
slightly off-topic.
What's up with the blonde joke that's been going around? someone on a blog or whatever will say, "hey, check out this great blonde joke. best one ever!", or something of the sort, then provide you a link to the supposed blonde joke. Then you find that the person on the following linked page is touting the same joke, again providing only a link to supposed blonde joke, endlessly repeating this blonde joke tease.
(this is where someone derisively asks me where the hell I have been and that this gag has been going on for 3 years.)
Ummmmm, I think the joke's on you. Are you a blonde?
QUOTE(Yella @ Feb 2 2006, 11:56 PM) [snapback]10412[/snapback]
i just don't get the kid jokes. is it just nervous laughter all around when those are told? like dead baby jokes are one thing, the babies are dead, big deal. but kiddie porn jokes are just weird. like, who laughs at those? i'm not casting judgement (i don't care what you laugh at), i'm just curious.
No one said this had to be the Funny Offensive Joke Thread, there's a lot on here that's really not funny, well except for all the dead baby jokes, and a few of the racier ones. Dead baby's you just can't get enough.
What do you call a black man in a BMW?
Grand Theft Auto
One sperm cell says to another, "How long till we reach the fellopian tubes?"
The other replies, "I dunno, we just passed the tonsils..."
What do Mexicans & pool balls have in common?
The harder you hit them, the more English you get out of 'em.
What's the difference between a vagina & a cunt?
The Vagina is what you fuck, the cunt is the thing carrying it around.
What's the difference between a Lexus & a porcupine?
With the porcupine, the pricks are all on the outside.
How can you tell if a guy is actually gay?
If he gets a hard-on while you're fucking him in the ass.
Grand Theft Auto
One sperm cell says to another, "How long till we reach the fellopian tubes?"
The other replies, "I dunno, we just passed the tonsils..."
What do Mexicans & pool balls have in common?
The harder you hit them, the more English you get out of 'em.
What's the difference between a vagina & a cunt?
The Vagina is what you fuck, the cunt is the thing carrying it around.
What's the difference between a Lexus & a porcupine?
With the porcupine, the pricks are all on the outside.
How can you tell if a guy is actually gay?
If he gets a hard-on while you're fucking him in the ass.
QUOTE(Bhickman @ Feb 3 2006, 12:04 AM) [snapback]10367[/snapback]
So racist jokes are okay? Or will the liberal/PC police be out in full effect?
If racist jokes are okay, then what about Fat jokes?
Paul Edward Wagemann
When Jerry Garcia died, he woke up and found himself on a stage on which a number of instruments were set up. A door offstage opened and in walked Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones, John Lennon, Otis Redding and Buddy Holly.
Each musician picked up his favorite instrument and began tuning up.
Jerry walked up to Jimi and said, "Man, so this is what heaven is like."
Jimi looked at him and said, "Heaven? You think this is heaven?"
At that moment, Karen Carpenter walked in, took her seat behind the drums, and called out, "Okay guys, 'Close to You.' One, two, three, four!"
Each musician picked up his favorite instrument and began tuning up.
Jerry walked up to Jimi and said, "Man, so this is what heaven is like."
Jimi looked at him and said, "Heaven? You think this is heaven?"
At that moment, Karen Carpenter walked in, took her seat behind the drums, and called out, "Okay guys, 'Close to You.' One, two, three, four!"
QUOTE(aceInTheHole @ Feb 4 2006, 09:13 PM) [snapback]11580[/snapback]
When Jerry Garcia died, he woke up and found himself on a stage on which a number of instruments were set up. A door offstage opened and in walked Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones, John Lennon, Otis Redding and Buddy Holly.
Each musician picked up his favorite instrument and began tuning up.
Jerry walked up to Jimi and said, "Man, so this is what heaven is like."
Jimi looked at him and said, "Heaven? You think this is heaven?"
At that moment, Karen Carpenter walked in, took her seat behind the drums, and called out, "Okay guys, 'Close to You.' One, two, three, four!"
I fail to see how this is offensive
A man walks into a bar and sits down. the bar-tender asks for his drink and the man says
"well, I would like something strong, you see I have leprocy and I dont have any friends so I'd like to forget my problems. if you have any problem with me being here let me know and I'll leave"
the bar-tender replys,
"hey no problem buddy, here's the strongest we got, and its on the house"
the barman gives the leper his drink. as he drinks it the bar tender throws up all over the floor. the leper replys to him
"hey, its ok, I understand my condition makes you disgusted, I'll go"
with that the bar tender tells him to stay and pours him another drink and says its on the house agian.
agian the leper drinks and the bar tender throws up. the leper speaks agian
"look, I'll go Im used to it and you dont have to disgust yourself with me"
the bar-tender gives hiim two drinks and says anything he wants is on the house, he doesnt mean to be offencive. with that the leper drinks them both and the tender throws up more than the last two times. with that the leper stands to go.
"look, Im leaving, I dont want you to be sick from me"
in reply the bartender says to him...
"look buddy, it isnt you. the guy sitting behind you keeps dipping his chips into your back"
"well, I would like something strong, you see I have leprocy and I dont have any friends so I'd like to forget my problems. if you have any problem with me being here let me know and I'll leave"
the bar-tender replys,
"hey no problem buddy, here's the strongest we got, and its on the house"
the barman gives the leper his drink. as he drinks it the bar tender throws up all over the floor. the leper replys to him
"hey, its ok, I understand my condition makes you disgusted, I'll go"
with that the bar tender tells him to stay and pours him another drink and says its on the house agian.
agian the leper drinks and the bar tender throws up. the leper speaks agian
"look, I'll go Im used to it and you dont have to disgust yourself with me"
the bar-tender gives hiim two drinks and says anything he wants is on the house, he doesnt mean to be offencive. with that the leper drinks them both and the tender throws up more than the last two times. with that the leper stands to go.
"look, Im leaving, I dont want you to be sick from me"
in reply the bartender says to him...
"look buddy, it isnt you. the guy sitting behind you keeps dipping his chips into your back"
thats a good one!
Brokeback Mountain Weekly Grocery Lists
for Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist, Summer, 1963
WEEK ONE
* Beans * Bacon * Coffee * Whiskey
WEEK TWO
* Beans * Ham * Coffee * Whiskey
WEEK THREE
* Beans al fresca * Thin-sliced Bacon * Hazelnut Coffee * Sky vodka & Tanqueray gin * K-Y gel
WEEK FOUR
* Beans en salade * Pancetta * Coffee (espresso grind) * 5-6 bottles best Chardonnay * 2 tubes K-Y gel
WEEK FIVE
* Fresh Fava beans * Jasmine rice * Prosciutto, approx. 8 ounces, thinly sliced * Medallions of veal * Porcini mushrooms * 1/2 pint of heavy whipping cream * 1 Cub Scout uniform, size 42 long * 5-6 bottles French Bordeaux (Estate Reserve) * 1 extra large bottle Astro-glide
WEEK SIX
* Yukon Gold potatoes * Heavy whipping cream * Asparagus (very thin) * Organic Eggs * Spanish Lemons * Gruyere cheese (well aged) * Crushed Walnuts * Arugula * Clarified Butter * Extra Virgin Olive oil * Pure Balsamic vinegar * 6 yards white silk organdy * 6 yards pale ivory taffeta * 3 Cases of Dom Perignon Masters Reserve * Large tin Crisco
for Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist, Summer, 1963
WEEK ONE
* Beans * Bacon * Coffee * Whiskey
WEEK TWO
* Beans * Ham * Coffee * Whiskey
WEEK THREE
* Beans al fresca * Thin-sliced Bacon * Hazelnut Coffee * Sky vodka & Tanqueray gin * K-Y gel
WEEK FOUR
* Beans en salade * Pancetta * Coffee (espresso grind) * 5-6 bottles best Chardonnay * 2 tubes K-Y gel
WEEK FIVE
* Fresh Fava beans * Jasmine rice * Prosciutto, approx. 8 ounces, thinly sliced * Medallions of veal * Porcini mushrooms * 1/2 pint of heavy whipping cream * 1 Cub Scout uniform, size 42 long * 5-6 bottles French Bordeaux (Estate Reserve) * 1 extra large bottle Astro-glide
WEEK SIX
* Yukon Gold potatoes * Heavy whipping cream * Asparagus (very thin) * Organic Eggs * Spanish Lemons * Gruyere cheese (well aged) * Crushed Walnuts * Arugula * Clarified Butter * Extra Virgin Olive oil * Pure Balsamic vinegar * 6 yards white silk organdy * 6 yards pale ivory taffeta * 3 Cases of Dom Perignon Masters Reserve * Large tin Crisco
C'mere, Daddy will make it all better. 
(I was abused myself, lighten up, this is supposed to be an offensive thread!)
(I was abused myself, lighten up, this is supposed to be an offensive thread!)
how do you get a dog to stop humping your leg...
pick him up and start sucking his dick
pick him up and start sucking his dick
QUOTE(Yella @ Feb 3 2006, 01:56 AM) [snapback]10412[/snapback]
i just don't get the kid jokes. is it just nervous laughter all around when those are told? like dead baby jokes are one thing, the babies are dead, big deal. but kiddie porn jokes are just weird. like, who laughs at those? i'm not casting judgement (i don't care what you laugh at), i'm just curious.
As a victim of abuse as a child myself, I find anyone who enjoys this kind of humor to be of extreme ignorance or totally lacking any moral character.
Humour is laughing at the misfortune of others, whilst jokes about child abuse are an extreme example they should be allowed just as much as those Danish cartoons of Mohammed.
QUOTE(Gareth Keenan Invetigates @ Feb 14 2006, 02:01 PM) [snapback]19246[/snapback]
Humour is laughing at the misfortune of others, whilst jokes about child abuse are an extreme example they should be allowed just as much as those Danish cartoons of Mohammed.
I'm just saying that I see nothing humorous about child abuse. And in fact that I think that anyone who finds child abuse as a humorous subject should have their head examined. I lived through it, and making light of it infuriates me! If people can't some just the tiniest bit of humanity for people who have been victims of child abuse, then they really are scumbags!
Q: How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
A: The hotdogs all taste like shit!
A: The hotdogs all taste like shit!
QUOTE(Kurtis. E. Flush @ Feb 14 2006, 02:57 PM) [snapback]19350[/snapback]
Q: How do you know if you're at a gay picnic?
A: The hotdogs all taste like shit!
One man's child abuse is another man's sodomy. Just sayin'.
QUOTE(Kurtis. E. Flush @ Feb 14 2006, 01:06 PM) [snapback]19264[/snapback]
I'm just saying that I see nothing humorous about child abuse. And in fact that I think that anyone who finds child abuse as a humorous subject should have their head examined. I lived through it, and making light of it infuriates me! If people can't some just the tiniest bit of humanity for people who have been victims of child abuse, then they really are scumbags!
First of all, if you're so offended, why stay in the thread? Second, do you find racism funny? Somehow I don't think the family of Emmett Till would laugh at racist black jokes, but I don't think that everyone who laughs at those type of jokes are "scumbags". Do you? What is the difference?
In case you missed it, the title of the thread was "offensive jokes". You shouldn't be surprised to be offended when you read posts in a thread like that.
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